UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others.
Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions.
I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

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42 episodes
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Avg 26 min
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Yesterday · 18 min
Come Back So Strong After No Contact, Your Ex Won't Know Who They Left
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one core principle that lets you come back from no contact so strong that your avoidant ex will barely recognize you. I explain why you still hope they will change, and how that hope traces back to a childhood pattern where holding on gave you a sense of control. The hard but freeing truth is that this hope has to die, and that what they did says nothing about your worth. Then I walk through the steps: process the grief, come home to yourself, rebuild the other areas of your life, and reach the point where you give love instead of seeking it.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:08 How the Breakup Happened03:42 Why Hope Keeps You Attached08:02 The Foundation to Come Back Strong10:58 Practical Steps to Come Back Strong► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: info@understandable.net► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
Wednesday · 22 min
When You Both Stop Contacting Each Other... THIS Happens
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I walk you through the five stages of what happens during no contact, when both you and the person who pulled away stop reaching out. As a former avoidant, I explain how the whole power dynamic shifts: the avoidant, who always controlled closeness and distance, slowly becomes the one who feels something is missing, while you reconnect with yourself, rebuild your life, and become the secure one. In the end I show how to use that new power position, so you either move on to someone who treats you right or only take them back if they have truly changed. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Attachment Explained Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vs3gDlmS18&pp=0gcJCS8MAYcqIYzv What a Relationship With an Avoidant Feels Like Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 00:55 Who Controls the Relationship 05:37 The Decision to Go No Contact 06:42 Stage 1: Grief and Silence 09:07 Stage 2: Reconnecting With Yourself 12:05 Stage 3: Rebuilding Your Life 14:30 Stage 4: The Tables Turn 16:41 Stage 5: You Rise, They Return 18:22 How to Use Your New Power ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
Sunday · 32 min
THIS Makes an Avoidant Start Chasing You (Obsessed With You for Good)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you from first hand experience as an avoidant myself what makes an avoidant chase you and obsessed with you. ► Links and Resources: The Avoidant’s Idea of a Healthy Relationship Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFFqAAWobU&t=2274s Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:24 Disclaimer: "Getting Your Ex Back" 05:40 The Gottman Question 07:33 #1: Understand Their Core Wounds 11:02 #2: Go Full No Contact 15:47 #3: Build a Life Without Them 19:12 #4: When They Come Back 20:39 The Power of Compassion 24:41 #5: What You Can Change 28:42 What You Should Never Accept 31:31 Summary ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 25 · 21 min
Recovered Avoidant Explains Why Avoidants Always Come Back To You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain from my perspective as a recovered, healed avoidant, why avoidants always come back to you. ► Links and Resources: Limerence vs Love Video: https://youtu.be/mmNjDwdPwOA?si=5kwKwhP2ljk_ie8s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:08 The Recovery Timeline 01:55 Group 1: The Unaware Avoidant 08:11 Group 2: Coming Back for Regulation 11:48 Group 3: They Come Back Because They Love You 18:26 While You Wait for Them 19:18 When They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 23 · 24 min
What an Avoidant Secretly Thinks During No Contact (They'll Never Tell You)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what an avoidant secretly thinks during no contact. They will never tell you that... But I do as a recovered avoidant myself. ► Links and Resources: The Avoidant’s Idea of a Healthy Relationship Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFFqAAWobU&t=2274s The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:52 Group 1: The Unaware Avoidant 14:28 Group 2: The Self-Aware Avoidant 19:50 What the Aware Avoidant Hopes For 21:06 If They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 20 · 18 min
This Is What Losing You Really Feels Like to an Avoidant
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain in brutally honest detail how losing you really feels to an actual avoidant. ► Links and Resources: The Moment They're Afraid of Losing You Video: https://youtu.be/uVcVsS6UZvY My Rock Bottom Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=89L0sNvEjEGS0tZO Limerence vs Real Love Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNjDwdPwOA&t=2s Shadow Work Video: https://youtu.be/xPSEl9sOd9I?si=qLGm14wMSPoCOPC1 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 03:21 How Losing You Feels to an Avoidant 04:38 When The Longing Comes Back 05:38 Panic and Rock Bottom 06:44 Crawling Back During No Contact 08:11 What They Actually Lose: The Illusion 12:53 Your Perspective as a Partner 15:50 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 18 · 26 min
THIS Eventually Happens to an Avoidant Who Refuses to Heal
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what eventually happens to an avoidant who refuses to heal. ► Links and Resources: Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx P*rn Addiction Video: https://youtu.be/zNfV-U7lxkg My Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s&pp=0gcJCRsMAYcqIYzv ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Avoidance 01:01 Why Avoidance Works 04:27 Personal Patterns and Breakups 12:30 Decreasing Effectiveness 20:13 The Avoidant Midlife Crisis 25:15 Hitting Rock Bottom ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 16 · 25 min
Why P0rn Addiction Exposes Avoidant Attachment (99% of the Time)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! Today's one is a quite shame laden episode. We talk about the dark link between avoidant attachment and p*rn addiction. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s Sexual compulsion Paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4394850/ Attachment Insecurity & Problematic Porn Use Paper: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38898361/ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:30 Avoidant Roots 04:45 The Dating Phase 07:05 Rollercoaster Phase (P0rn Consumption Begins) 14:00 Drought Period (P0rn Addiciton Implements) 16:00 Summary 18:00 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 13 · 31 min
THIS Is What Avoidants Do When They're Afraid of Losing You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what avoidants do when they're afraid of losing you. I also unpack the hidden link behind their fear of commitment and their fear of losing you... ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategides Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://youtu.be/YfiJsB7XXx8 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:15 A Note to Hurt Partners 03:50 Before the Relationship 09:59 The Chase 11:46 The Moment of Commitment 16:00 When Conflict Arrives 20:34 The Breakup and Relief 22:15 When They Are Finally Afraid of Losing You 26:05 When They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 12 · 18 min
To Anyone Who's Loving or Leaving an Avoidant…
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! This one is a very personal one for me. It's a message for everyone who's loving or leaving an avoidant. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 To Anyone Loving or Leaving an Avoidant... 02:01 Confusion 03:55 The Truth About Them 06:52 A Way Out of the Dark 07:20 1. Coming Home to Yourself 09:40 2. Taking Yourself Back 11:13 3. Becoming Unshakable 12:50 4. Rising & Refocusing 15:24 5. Attracting Secure Love 16:10 6. Love Without Losing Yourself 17:41 The Next Step ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 11 · 12 min
5 Things Never to Say to an Avoidant on the Phone (They'll Shut Down)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I talk about the 5 biggest mistakes to avoid when you're calling an avoidant on the phone. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:47 Why Avoidants Panic When You Call Them 02:48 1) Not Texting First 04:20 2) Being Dysregulated Yourself 05:45 3) Calling Them When They're Dysregulated 06:50 4) Calling Repeatedly 09:25 5) Resolving Conflict on the Phone ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 9 · 20 min
THIS Is the Exact Moment an Avoidant Decides to Discard You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I describe the exact moment an avoidant decides to discard you in brutally honest detail. ► Links and Resources: 10 Stages That Lead to Avoidant Discard Video: https://youtu.be/ZWpTLj1E2No Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:26 The Discard Building Up 05:12 The First Trigger 08:07 Preparation of the Discard 13:03 Exact Moment They Decide to Discard 15:50 Hidden Moment They Decide to Discard ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 6 · 37 min
The 10 Stages That Lead to an Avoidant Discarding You (What to Do at Each One)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In todays video I walk you through the 10 stages that end in avoidant discarding you. I also share ideas what you can do best at each stage. ► Links and Resources: Hypervigilance Video: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=FZmzMIm8IK0rc3_U Deactivation Video: https://youtu.be/fi-wUf36e9k?si=9FO4GoQZNRwxq2Eo Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s Rebound Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/QrhTOoAai_M?si=9ThJxF-atsfPgkYu ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 Stage 0: Childhood Core Wounds 03:43 Stage 1: Thirsty for Love 05:38 Stage 2: First Contact 08:05 Stage 3: Illusion & Fantasy 11:37 Stage 4: "Lovebombing" 14:34 Stage 5: First Triggers 16:44 Stage 6: Love & Panic 22:34 Stage 7: The Tipping Point 25:58 Stage 8: Sabotage & Deactivation 28:36 Stage 9: Collapse & Discard 33:33 Stage 10: Rebound or Recovery ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 4 · 28 min
How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back (Turn Them Down the Right Way)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to respond when an avoidant comes back. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 04:08 The Power of Your Response 05:21 Processing the Breakup 06:28 Coming Home to Yourself 10:59 Step 1: Defining Relational Standards 14:34 Step 2: Reconnecting with Your Needs 17:42 Step 3: Refocussing on Yourself 21:48 How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 2 · 38 min
Surviving Avoidant Discard: What to Do in the First 8 Weeks
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I make a deep dive into the first 8 weeks after the avoidant discard. I help you understand your reactions and the avoidants reactions and give ideas & approaches on how to move on and rise again. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:06 Overview: The First 8 Weeks 03:14 Week 1: The Shock Phase 08:45 Week 2: The Grief Phase 12:50 Week 3: The Anger Phase 18:30 Week 4: Integrating Grief 24:15 Week 5: Real No Contact 27:21 Week 6: Their Return 32:10 Week 7: Setting Boundaries 35:00 Week 8: Start to Become Unshakable ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 30 · 20 min
How to Get Over an Avoidant Ex (When They Keep Coming Back)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to get over an avoidant ex, even if they keep coming back. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s&pp=0gcJCfkLAYcqIYzv Trauma Bonds Video: https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=EZ72GHlFDCL7DoWy ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 03:35 When Avoidants Return 06:26 Phase 1 10:20 Phase 2 12:10 Phase 3 15:14 Phase 4 16:25 Phase 5 17:35 Phase 6 ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 28 · 20 min
What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do When They Stonewall (Never Do It)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you what avoidants secretly hope you do when they stonewall. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:39 What Is Stonewalling? 02:48 Recognizing Stonewalling Behaviors 03:58 The Avoidant Perspective 05:29 Managing Conflict Effectively 07:40 What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do 11:42 Mistakes to Avoid 15:39 Responding to Avoidant Stonewalling ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 26 · 21 min
Why Your Avoidant Partner Stonewalls You (The Best Way to Respond)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain what avoidant stonewalling is and how to respond to it the right way. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Shutdown Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dprG1JtJxzc&t=5s Dissociation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZsTUS_jlYg&t=7s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Why Avoidants Stonewall 02:07 Defining Stonewalling 03:13 Examples of Stonewalling 07:12 The Stonewalling Cycle 13:00 How to Respond 19:37 Moving Forward ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 23 · 20 min
How to Respond When an Avoidant Rejects You (They Won't Expect This)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain how to respond when an avoidant partner rejects you. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s&pp=0gcJCcQLAYcqIYzv ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:00 My Personal Journey 02:05 Why Avoidants Reject 07:01 Three Common Partner-Reactions 14:22 The Secure Response 17:42 Six Steps to Healing ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 21 · 30 min
THIS is Why Avoidants Pull Away - And When to Move On (Confessions of a Recovered Avoidant)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I reveal the #1 reason why avoidant partners pull away. I also share when it's the best moment to move on. ► Links and Resources: Polyvagal Theory Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iT8Msp8Vx0&pp=0gcJCaMLAYcqIYzv Narcissist vs Avoidant Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uADzIhUsuKc Avoidant Attachment Gets Exposed in the Bedroom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_BNVcbVIbM Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k Shutdown Video: https://youtu.be/dprG1JtJxzc The Moment Avoidants Decide to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:46 The Pull-Away Mechanism 03:52 The Four F's 04:31 Fight Responses 11:01 Flight Responses 15:49 Freeze Responses 19:38 Fawn Responses 21:00 When to Move On 26:55 The Rock Bottom ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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