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Five Aside

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This is the Five-a-side pod, essentially a futbol podcast although once in a while we will delve into other topics such as lifestyle, social/political issues, history etc

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  • 46 episodes
  • Avg 46 min
  • English

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  • S4 · E29
    Monday · 18 min

    CHELSEA ARE BACK?! 😂 AK's Dynasty Talk, Caicedo Masterclass & Enzo Who?

    Chelsea win two games and AK is already talking DYNASTIES! 😂🔵 Dalu sits down with Five Aside's resident Chelsea fanatic, AK, to discuss Chelsea's resurgence under Xabi Alonso, the brilliance of Moisés Caicedo, and whether the Blues are genuinely ready to challenge Arsenal and Manchester City. AK explains why Brighton are Chelsea's "academy boys," compares Alonso's project to the Spartans from 300, and delivers an absolutely outrageous response when asked if Chelsea miss Enzo Fernández. 💀 Plus, we debate Caicedo's importance, Chelsea's new defensive solidity, the Fofana vs. Saliba conversation, and whether the glory days are finally returning to Stamford Bridge. Is AK seeing the future, or have two wins gone straight to his head? 😂 👇 Chelsea fans, are you buying into the Alonso project? ⚽ Five Aside — Everything Ball Knowledge. #FiveAside #ChelseaFC #PremierLeague #Caicedo #FootballPodcast Timestamps Time Chapter 00:00 Cold Open: Enzo Who? Chelsea's Dynasty Begins! 00:48 Dalu vs. AK: The Banter Begins 01:22 Are Chelsea on Arsenal and City's Level? 01:35 Brighton Are Chelsea's Academy Boys?! 😂 02:25 Why Brighton Could Be the League's Sneaky Threat 03:48 Chelsea Are Back! AK's Dynasty Declaration 04:35 Alonso's Tactical Revolution 06:10 Why Alonso Is Perfect for Chelsea 07:05 Competition, Rotation and Chelsea's Young Talent 08:25 JP Morgan Ruined Dalu's FPL! 😂 09:35 Is Caicedo Chelsea's Most Important Player? 10:30 Caicedo's Underrated Ability on the Ball 11:35 The Caicedo–Henderson Partnership 12:20 Trust the Process: Are Chelsea Title Contenders? 13:15 Does Chelsea Miss Enzo Fernández? 💀 14:35 Chelsea's Best Back Three and the Fofana Debate 15:55 Fofana vs. Saliba: Who Was Better? 17:05 AK's Final Message: Chelsea Are BACK! 17:30 Five Aside Jersey Challenge & Outro

  • S4 · E28
    Monday · 20 min

    ARSENAL'S HARAM BALL IS BACK! 😭 Saka Under Fire, Marinakis Mafia & United in Trouble!

    Arsenal got the three points against Nottingham Forest, but the fans have QUESTIONS! 😂🔴 Five Aside hits the streets for some unfiltered post-match reactions after Arsenal's 1–0 win, and nobody is holding back. One lifelong Gooner wants Arsenal to "PASS THE EFFING BALL!" Another defends Saka despite his struggles, while Dalu admits he'd be calling for Saka to come off if it weren't for his reputation. 😭 Meanwhile, a Nottingham Forest fan gives us a hilarious defense of Evangelos Marinakis, Manchester United fans aren't exactly convinced by Michael Carrick, and we settle the debate nobody asked for: which Premier League footballers could actually survive in the NBA? 🏀 From Madueke's match-winner to Arsenal's so-called haram ball, this one has everything. 👇 GET INVOLVED: Is Arsenal's style of football a problem, or is winning all that matters? And does Saka deserve more criticism? Subscribe to Five Aside for football debates, fan reactions, interviews, and proper football banter. 🌐 fiveasideent.com #FiveAside #Arsenal #NottinghamForest #PremierLeague #Saka #ManchesterUnited Timestamps 00:00 – Cold Open: Arsenal Fans Have Had Enough! 00:50 – Meet Walter: An Arsenal Fan Since 1988 01:55 – Arsenal's Biggest Problem: Slow Attacking Football 02:35 – Eze, Havertz & Saka: Is the Front Three Working? 03:50 – PASS THE EFFING BALL! 😂 04:55 – Manchester City Red Card & Premier League Predictions 05:35 – Forest vs Arsenal: Colin & Saj React 06:25 – Can Glasner Turn Nottingham Forest Around? 07:20 – Marinakis, Nuno & Forest's Future 08:00 – The Marinakis Mafia Boss Conversation 😂 08:40 – Madueke Saves Arsenal & Eze's Confidence 09:45 – Is Arsenal Playing Haram Ball? 10:25 – Is Bukayo Saka Still World-Class? 11:35 – Arsenal's Defensive Depth Without Saliba 12:15 – Brighton's Rise & Premier League Surprise Teams 13:20 – Manchester United's Struggles & Carrick's Future 13:55 – Chelsea's JP Morgan Attack & Morgan Rogers 14:45 – Arsenal Survive Forest: Shawn & Ifeanyi React 16:15 – Manchester United Fan Admits Doubts About Carrick 17:25 – Which Arsenal Player Could Make the NBA? 18:05 – Haaland, Mbappé or Havertz in the NBA? 19:00 – Arsenal vs Knicks, United vs Lakers 19:55 – Outro

  • S4 · E27
    Friday · 34 min

    ARSENAL ON TRIAL! 😂 Chelsea's JP Morgan & United We Fall | EPL Predictions

    Arsenal are winning games, but are they actually playing convincing football? 👀 This week on Five Aside, Dalu and Akan go head-to-head over Arsenal's performances, Chelsea's self-proclaimed "JP Morgan" attack gets another endorsement, and Manchester United catch strays before their clash with Leeds. We're breaking down Everton vs Chelsea, Brentford vs Liverpool, Manchester City vs Ipswich, Leeds vs Manchester United, and Nottingham Forest vs Arsenal. Expect bold predictions, questionable confidence, outrageous banter, and a few arguments that probably should've stayed in the group chat. 😂 ⚽ Who's getting three points this weekend, and who's getting humbled? Drop your predictions in the comments! Subscribe to Five Aside for football debates, Premier League previews, predictions, and unfiltered banter. #FiveAside #PremierLeague #Arsenal #ChelseaFC #ManchesterUnited #footballpodcast Timestamps 00:00 – Cold Open: Is Arsenal Actually Playing Well? 01:00 – Welcome to the Premier League Preview 01:10 – Everton vs Chelsea: Can Chelsea Get Revenge? 03:00 – Chelsea Predictions: Confidence vs Reality 05:00 – JP Morgan: The Best Attack in Europe? 😂 06:00 – Brentford vs Liverpool: Trouble at the Gtech? 09:00 – Can Liverpool's Midfield Survive Brentford? 11:00 – Manchester City vs Ipswich: Easy Three Points? 11:30 – Leeds vs Manchester United: United We Fall! 💀 14:00 – Martinez, Carrick & United's Dressing Room 17:00 – Nottingham Forest vs Arsenal: A Potential Upset? 18:00 – Arsenal's 3–0 Prediction Sparks a Debate 21:00 – Arsenal on Trial: Results vs Performances 24:00 – Is Arsenal Struggling or Just Finding Ways to Win? 26:00 – Arsenal vs Chelsea: The Banter Gets Personal 28:00 – Chelsea Fans Put Their Money Where Their Mouth Is 29:00 – Temi Gives Her Manchester United Verdict 30:00 – Lisandro Martinez & Carrick's Future 32:00 – Come Watch Football With Five Aside in Atlanta 33:00 – Five Aside Jerseys, Discounts & Outro

  • S4 · E26
    Thursday · 1 hr 47 min

    PSG Are Playing Chess, United Are Playing Ludo! 😭 | Five Aside

    PSG are playing football from another planet, Manchester United are asking the same old questions, and the Champions League is delivering absolute chaos! 🔥⚽ On this episode of Five Aside, we break down Atlético Madrid's victory over Manchester United, debate whether Michael Carrick is the right man for the job, and question whether Lisandro Martínez was right to speak out about the club. Then it's all about Luis Enrique's PSG. Their thrilling showdown with Manchester City has us asking: is anybody in Europe actually ready for this team? We also get into Saka vs. Madueke, Lamine Yamal turning casual viewers into Barcelona fans, the players who made us fall in love with football, and more Champions League drama. Real football opinions. Unfiltered banter. No safe takes. Drop your thoughts below: Is PSG the best team in Europe right now, and should Manchester United stick with Carrick? Subscribe to Five Aside for football debates, Champions League reactions, and weekly banter. #FiveAside #ChampionsLeague #PSG #ManchesterUnited #FootballPodcast Timestamps 00:00 Intro & Champions League reactions 01:40 Atlético Madrid vs Manchester United 07:15 Should United keep Michael Carrick? 12:00 Lisandro Martínez and United's leadership problems 16:40 Arsenal, Saka and Madueke 19:45 PSG vs Manchester City: Champions League thriller 23:00 Luis Enrique's extraordinary football 28:45 Champions League banter and punishments 29:30 How we became football fans 31:00 Lamine Yamal's influence 33:00 The players who made us fall in love with football 38:30 Barcelona and Galatasaray discussion 40:00 Real Madrid, Mourinho and rebuilding 45:00 More Champions League results and reactions 50:45 Dream European matchups and final debates

  • S4 · E25
    October 13 · 1 hr 14 min

    Man United: Same Circus, Different Carrick? 🤡 | Arsenal, Chelsea & Liverpool Chaos

    Manchester United are back in the headlines for all the wrong reasons, and Haruna has officially HAD ENOUGH. 😂🔥 On this episode of Five Aside, the crew breaks down another chaotic Premier League weekend — from Arsenal's comeback against Leeds to Manchester United's frustrating draw with Tottenham, Chelsea finding their rhythm, and Liverpool's struggles against Manchester City. But the real fireworks start when Haruna takes the floor. 💀 Is Bruno Fernandes part of United's problem? Can Michael Carrick turn things around? Was Ruben Amorim actually onto something? And has Bukayo Saka lost his spark, or does Arsenal's Starboy just need time? We also get into Chelsea's midfield, João Pedro, Florian Wirtz's Liverpool adjustment, and plenty of classic Five Aside banter. ⚽ Real football debates. No agendas spared. Everything Ball Knowledge. 👕 THE FIVE ASIDE JERSEYS ARE OUT NOW! Rep the culture and grab yours. Subscribe, drop your takes in the comments, and tell us: What is Manchester United's biggest problem right now? #FiveAside #ManchesterUnited #PremierLeague #Arsenal #Chelsea #Liverpool Timestamps 00:00 Intro & Five Aside jersey drop 02:50 Arsenal vs Leeds — a comeback with warning signs 08:00 What's happening to Bukayo Saka? 11:50 Saka debate and Arsenal's attacking depth 14:15 Manchester United vs Tottenham — Battle of the Bums 17:00 Are United stuck in a vicious cycle? 22:50 Haruna's Manchester United rant begins 29:00 Bruno Fernandes comes under fire 34:00 United's midfield and defensive problems 37:00 Carrick, Amorim and the manager debate 42:15 Chelsea's resurgence — is Xabi Alonso the answer? 44:30 Caicedo, Palmer and João Pedro 49:00 Chelsea's midfield and attacking confidence 53:00 Morgan Rogers and Chelsea's attack 55:00 Manchester City vs Liverpool 58:00 Liverpool's recruitment under scrutiny 62:00 Why is Florian Wirtz struggling? 67:00 City, Chelsea and Arsenal — who has the best units? 69:00 City's mentality and the title race 70:00 The Jeremie Frimpong debate 71:15 Champions League preview 73:00 Final banter and outro

  • S4 · E24
    October 9 · 23 min

    Battle of the Bums! 💀 United vs Spurs, Liverpool vs City & Vini's Missing Twin | Five Aside

    The international break is over, and the chaos is BACK! 😂⚽ This week on Five Aside, we're previewing the biggest Premier League and La Liga clashes, with some absolutely outrageous predictions. 🔥 Liverpool vs Man City — Who survives Anfield? 💀 Man United vs Spurs — Battle of the Bums! 👀 Chelsea vs Bournemouth — Upset loading? 🔴 Arsenal vs Leeds — Can the Gunners bounce back? 😂 Real Madrid vs Villarreal — Has the REAL Vinícius Jr. gone missing? 🔵 Barcelona — Another comfortable win? From Liverpool's struggling stars to Vini's mysterious doppelgänger, we're bringing the predictions, arguments, and football banter. Drop your score predictions below! 👇 Subscribe for more football debates, match previews, and unfiltered takes. #FiveAside #PremierLeague #LaLiga #FootballPodcast Timestamps 00:00 Weekend previews — Premier League + La Liga 00:17 Arsenal vs Leeds — Injuries and expectations 03:17 Chelsea vs Bournemouth — Upset alert 05:35 Man United vs Tottenham — Battle of the Bums 08:30 Liverpool vs Man City — Who wins at Anfield? 09:31 Liverpool's struggling stars and the pressure 12:42 Liverpool vs City — Final predictions 14:28 Barcelona preview — Goals incoming? 17:04 Real Madrid vs Villarreal — No Mbappé 17:27 Has Vinícius Jr. been replaced by a clone? 19:25 Is the gap in world football closing? 20:38 Real Madrid predictions — Shock defeat? 22:23 Final thoughts and sign-off

  • S4 · E23
    October 8 · 52 min

    Siu You Later? Ronaldo’s Portugal Dilemma, Man City & Olise vs Yamal

    An international break with absolutely no break from the drama. 😂 Should Portugal move on from Cristiano Ronaldo—or give a legend the farewell he deserves? The Five Aside crew debates ego, selection and why Messi can be your GOAT while Ronaldo is the example you’d want your kid to follow. We also debate potential punishments in Manchester City’s financial case, put Michael Olise and Lamine Yamal head-to-head, and unpack Nigeria’s familiar problem: plenty of forwards, but who’s running the midfield? Does Ronaldo still belong in Portugal’s plans? And who are you taking: Olise or Yamal? Drop your verdict below. Subscribe to Five Aside, check out Ball Knowledge, and tell a friend to tell a friend. Timestamps 00:00 Intro & welcome 00:58 International break boredom & Ball Knowledge 02:00 An international break full of drama 03:56 Man City: what punishment would be enough? 07:30 Should City lose their titles? 08:10 Could compensation claims hurt City more? 11:11 Ronaldo’s statement & the warm-up controversy 17:02 Should Portugal stop calling Ronaldo up? 20:27 Portugal’s talent & building around one superstar 22:30 Managing Ronaldo & the Roberto Martínez debate 24:32 Does Ronaldo deserve a proper farewell? 24:59 Messi vs Ronaldo: two different kinds of greatness 27:25 Why you’d want your kid to study Ronaldo 29:19 Natural talent, training & football intelligence 31:45 Messi’s emotional moment & the Enzo story 33:00 “Life After Messi and Ronaldo”—written in 2015! 34:22 International break standouts: the case for Olise 37:16 Lamine Yamal vs Michael Olise 42:17 England reaction & Saka expectations 43:18 Nigeria: frustration, fresh faces & midfield problems 49:53 Unfulfilled potential & youth football 50:38 Final thoughts, Premier League return & Five Aside updates

  • S4 · E22
    October 1 · 1 hr 19 min

    Nigeria Needs Open-Heart Surgery, City in the Dock & Ronaldo Won’t Let Go 😭

    International break was supposed to give us peace. Instead, Nigeria broke hearts again, Manchester City gave football another courtroom saga, and Cristiano Ronaldo reminded everyone that even legends struggle with knowing when it’s time to step aside. The Five Aside crew gets into the state of the Super Eagles — from the NFF and player development to whether Nigerian football genuinely needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. Then the conversation turns to Manchester City: punishment, relegation, title stripping, the psychological effect on the squad, and whether what happens off the pitch can really be separated from what City achieved on it. Then comes Ronaldo. Should Portugal still accommodate one of the greatest players ever, or has CR7 reached the point where his role has to change? And to finish it off: Lamine Yamal, Mbappé, Harry Kane, Rodri — who actually deserves the Ballon d’Or? Plus, the Five Aside jersey makes an appearance. 👀 Everything Ball Knowledge. Sept 30 Timestamps 00:00 — Intro & Five Aside jersey teaser 02:00 — Nigeria have broken our hearts AGAIN 🇳🇬 03:00 — Has supporting the Super Eagles become numb? 05:00 — Nigeria have lost their fear factor 07:00 — “Disband the Super Eagles for five years” 😭 08:00 — Is the real problem the NFF? 10:00 — Pride, cliques & Nigeria’s national-team culture 14:00 — How bad is this generation of Nigerian players? 16:00 — Are we overrating the Super Eagles squad? 18:00 — Nigeria’s missing youth-development pipeline 21:00 — Infrastructure, pitches & the deeper Nigerian football crisis 27:00 — What Nigeria actually needs to rebuild 30:00 — “Nigerian football needs open-heart surgery” 31:00 — Manchester City: the case takes over the show 34:00 — Can City’s success be separated from the allegations? 38:00 — “Accounting Yahoo Yahoo” 😭 42:00 — Should Manchester City lose their titles? 47:00 — Relegation, points deductions & what punishment could mean 49:00 — Will the City situation affect Haaland and the players? 53:00 — Can Manchester City create a siege mentality? 56:00 — Cristiano Ronaldo enters the chat… SIUUU 😭 57:00 — Is Ronaldo becoming a problem for Portugal? 59:00 — “Sometimes you’re the last person to know the game has passed you” 1:00:00 — Is Ronaldo actually being DISRESPECTED? 1:03:00 — Can any manager really drop Ronaldo? 1:05:00 — What Ronaldo’s Portugal role should be now 1:06:00 — “Does Ronaldo respect Portugal?” 1:07:00 — Ballon d’Or debate begins 🏆 1:08:00 — Kane vs Mbappé vs Lamine Yamal 1:10:00 — Does PR influence the Ballon d’Or? 1:12:00 — Why aren’t we talking about Haaland? 1:14:00 — How much should the World Cup matter? 1:16:00 — Rodri vs truly dominant World Cup performances 1:17:00 — Five Aside jersey reveal 👕🔥 1:19:00 — Outro: Everything Ball Knowledge

  • S4 · E21
    September 26 · 22 min

    115 Problems, But a Point Ain't One? Man City's Day of Reckoning! ⚖️💰

    Manchester City are in the hot seat, and Nnamdi is NOT sweating! 😂 Dalu and Nnamdi go head-to-head over City's reported financial-rule verdict, the prospect of massive points deductions, transfer bans, relegation and even stripped Premier League titles. Could City's lawyers drag this out for years? Is the Premier League really prepared to punish one of its biggest money-makers? Plus, what does it all mean for Pep Guardiola's legacy? Would Arsenal, Liverpool or Manchester United ever see those lost titles again? And why does Nnamdi think City could survive even a 50-point deduction? We wrap up with international-break banter, Nigeria and Erling Haaland's pursuit of 1,000 goals. Disclaimer: This episode discusses the hosts' understanding of reported developments and their opinions on possible sanctions. Their statements about a guilty verdict and specific charges have not been independently verified. Timestamps Time Chapter 00:00 Emergency Pod: Man City's 115 Problems 01:01 Nnamdi's Not Worried: City's Appeal Strategy 02:39 Breaking Down the Financial Allegations 05:10 Is Man City Too Valuable to Punish? 07:02 Appeals, Lawyers and the Waiting Game 09:17 Should City Lose Their Premier League Titles? 11:13 Points Deductions, Transfer Bans and Relegation 13:27 Money Talks: Can Rich Clubs Get Away With It? 16:10 Would Arsenal, Liverpool or United Get Their Titles? 17:05 A £150 Million Fine and a 50-Point Deduction? 17:41 Does This Tarnish Pep Guardiola's Legacy? 20:53 International Break: Haaland and Nigeria 21:56 Haaland's 1,000-Goal Ambition 22:16 Five Aside Jerseys and Outro

  • S4 · E20
    September 24 · 47 min

    Ballon d’Or Campaigns 🏆 | Madrid in Crisis, Barça Hype & Premier League Propaganda

    The international break is here, and the agendas are cooking! 🍳⚽ This week on Five Aside, we dive into the Ballon d'Or campaign madness. Is Lamine Yamal's hype justified? Is Harry Kane being disrespected despite his ridiculous numbers? And has football learned absolutely nothing from the Messi vs. Ronaldo era? Then things get heated as we settle into the Premier League vs. La Liga debate. Could Barcelona really dominate England the way they dominate Spain, or would the Premier League humble them? We also examine Real Madrid's growing problems, Xabi Alonso's rebuilding challenge, and whether individual brilliance can still carry Los Blancos. Finally, we get nostalgic about the Premier League legends we'd bring back to fix today's teams. Expect hot takes, shameless agendas, football nostalgia, and plenty of banter. Subscribe to Five Aside and let us know: Who deserves the Ballon d'Or, and which league actually runs football? Timestamps 0:00 — Intro & Agenda Season 1:25 — International Break: Too Long? 4:41 — Players Pulling Out of International Duty 7:49 — Ballon d'Or Campaigning: Mbappé vs Lamine Yamal 8:25 — Black Superstars & Media Scrutiny 11:18 — Does Harry Kane Deserve the Ballon d'Or? 15:00 — Messi vs Ronaldo Ballon d'Or Bias 22:30 — La Liga vs Premier League Debate 23:13 — Could Barcelona Survive in the Prem? 27:41 — Real Madrid's Decline & Rebuild 36:24 — Best Right Wingers in the World 39:43 — Legendary Players to Complete Our Team 45:59 — Nigeria & AFCON Qualifiers 47:19 — Outro & Subscribe

  • S4 · E19
    September 21 · 36 min

    United Are STARVING, Arsenal Get Humbled & Spurs Fans Still Believe 😭 | Fan Interviews

    Manchester United drop more points as the Carrick debate heats up, Bruno Fernandes divides opinion, and questions grow over United’s urgency, mentality and recruitment. Meanwhile, Brighton stun Arsenal with a tactical masterclass, raising questions about Saka’s form and Arsenal’s attacking depth. Plus, a Spurs fan explains why £400M and De Zerbi-ball might just need a little patience. Premier League chaos before the international break. Timestamps 00:00 — Man United drop points: win, loss or just frustrating? 01:00 — United’s final-third problems & lack of urgency 02:00 — Is United’s biggest problem actually the personnel? 03:00 — Carrick IN or Carrick OUT? 04:00 — Can Manchester United really finish Top 4? 05:00 — Bruno Fernandes: the problem AND the solution? 06:40 — Arsenal vs Brighton: what went wrong? 08:00 — How Brighton tactically exposed Arsenal 09:00 — Should Arteta have changed the midfield? 10:30 — Arsenal’s attack wastes its big moments 12:00 — Did Arsenal make a mistake selling Martinelli & Trossard? 14:00 — Does Arsenal lack a true 1v1 difference-maker? 16:00 — What’s going on with Bukayo Saka? 17:30 — Does Arsenal need a marquee January signing? 19:00 — Arsenal’s transfer strategy & the “big club aura” debate 20:00 — Spurs’ £400M rebuild: trust the process? 21:00 — How long should Spurs give De Zerbi-ball? 23:00 — What should Spurs realistically achieve this season? 24:00 — Man United vs Spurs: the real test 25:40 — Breaking down United’s own goal vs Fulham 28:00 — Can United keep building around Bruno Fernandes? 29:00 — What United are missing from the Pogba-Bruno era 31:00 — Why United’s attack looks so predictable 32:00 — Spurs or United: who looks better right now? 33:00 — Do Man United players lack hunger? 34:00 — Where did the “fight for the badge” go? 35:00 — How Carrick can fix Manchester United 36:00 — January transfer needs & season expectations

  • S4 · E18
    September 18 · 12 min

    Alonso? I’ve Seen Enough.

    Chelsea’s honeymoon is officially looking shaky. After a frustrating defeat to Brentford, Akan unloads on Alonso’s tactics, substitutions and in-game management — questioning whether individual brilliance has been covering up much bigger problems all season. From the Quenda vs Estevão decision to Brentford’s second-half tactical adjustments, the boys break down where Chelsea lost control and why patience with Alonso is already wearing dangerously thin. Timestamps 00:00 — What went wrong for Chelsea? 00:44 — Warning signs in Alonso’s starting XI 01:20 — Brentford change the game after halftime 02:05 — Is Alonso getting exposed? 02:47 — Chelsea’s attack stops clicking 03:39 — Why doesn’t Alonso trust Estevão? 04:07 — “I’ve seen enough” — Akan loses patience 05:00 — Individual brilliance masking tactical problems? 05:50 — Chelsea “escaped” earlier results 06:22 — The Alonso rant goes nuclear 😂 07:00 — Outcoached by Brentford’s manager 08:03 — The Estevão debate continues 08:51 — Worst possible defeat before the international break 09:23 — It’s not losing — it’s how Chelsea lost 10:12 — Breaking down the three-at-the-back problem 11:10 — Alonso’s in-game decisions under fire 11:42 — “You gotta go, bro!” 😭

  • S4 · E17
    September 18 · 20 min

    Quadratic Predictions: Arsenal Flex, United Stress & Madrid Derby Madness

    The Five Aside boys are back with another round of fearless predictions—and apparently Q’s government name is now Quadratic. 😭 We break down Brentford vs Chelsea, Brighton vs Arsenal, City vs Sunderland, Spurs vs Villa, Fulham vs Man United, Bournemouth vs Liverpool, Barcelona’s latest five-goal agenda, and the Madrid Derby. Expect questionable scorelines, Arsenal confidence, United slander, Barcelona propaganda, FPL Haaland doubts, and a potential Five Aside watch party. Who’s cooking this weekend, and whose prediction is getting clipped for all the wrong reasons? Timestamps 00:00 — Welcome to Five Aside + the birth of “Quadratic” 01:40 — Brentford vs Chelsea: upset incoming? 03:35 — Brighton vs Arsenal: champions ready to flex 06:35 — Man City vs Sunderland + Haaland/FPL doubts 08:40 — Spurs vs Aston Villa: battle of the disappointments 10:20 — Fulham vs Man United: the United entertainment tour 12:40 — Bournemouth vs Liverpool + storyline predictions 14:55 — Sevilla vs Barcelona: the five-goal agenda 16:35 — Atlético Madrid vs Real Madrid: game of the weekend 18:20 — Madrid Derby watch-party talk + free-drink chaos 19:45 — Five Aside jerseys, socials & outro

  • S4 · E16
    September 17 · 1 hr 8 min

    Manchester United Need an Exorcism… and Real Madrid Might Be Next

    Manchester United are back in the group chat for all the wrong reasons. 😭 This week on Five Aside, the crew breaks down United’s chaos against Brighton, whether Bruno Fernandes is actually part of the solution or part of the problem, and why the club may need to finally abandon the “United Way.” Elsewhere, Liverpool keep getting results without convincing everyone, Arsenal’s youngsters get their flowers while one striker gets absolutely COOKED, and Real Madrid somehow inspire an actual threat involving kerosene. 🔥 Plus: is VAR fixing football or just giving us HD mistakes? And has the Premier League officially outgrown the Carabao Cup? Football analysis, agendas, slander and absolutely no emotional stability. Just another episode of Five Aside. ⚽️ Timestamps 00:00 — Cold Open: The agendas begin immediately 01:46 — Welcome to Five Aside 03:14 — Liverpool vs Spurs: Does playing well matter if you lose? 06:57 — What exactly is wrong with Liverpool? 10:12 — The Liverpool lineup debate gets spicy 11:33 — Arsenal vs Ipswich 12:08 — Arsenal’s youngsters are DIFFERENT 13:52 — Madueke gets his flowers 15:44 — Arsenal’s striker problem 17:36 — “Take the No. 14 off his back” 😭 19:54 — Manchester United vs Brighton 20:49 — United actually looked good… for a minute 23:07 — Shea Lacey deserves more minutes 23:20 — The Bruno Fernandes debate begins 24:15 — What is actually wrong with Manchester United? 25:03 — Why the “United Way” needs to die 27:38 — David accidentally delivers a TED Talk 28:08 — Can United ever move on from Bruno? 31:22 — Real Madrid enter the firing line 33:56 — “Real Madrid are lucky they don’t play in the Premier League” 35:00 — “THIS CLUB IS GOING TO BURN” 🔥 47:00 — VAR: What is even the point anymore? 53:47 — Bad decisions, agendas & football common sense 56:57 — Should referees actually face consequences? 58:00 — The VAR accountability debate continues 1:04:55 — Has the Premier League outgrown the Carabao Cup? 1:06:17 — Chelsea catch a completely unnecessary stray 1:07:08 — Five Aside announcements, jerseys & FPL banter

  • S4 · E15
    September 11 · 18 min

    MAN UTD TO SHOCK CITY?! 😳 | Our Premier League Predictions Get HEATED

    The Manchester Derby is here, and the Five Aside crew are already choosing violence. 😂 Can Manchester United survive City after a Thursday-night European game? Will Arsenal handle a physical trip to Sunderland? Can Liverpool’s shaky defence survive Fulham? And have Spurs become a team that simply tries hard and loses anyway? We go game-by-game with predictions for Manchester United vs Manchester City, Sunderland vs Arsenal, Liverpool vs Fulham, Tottenham vs Everton, Chelsea vs Hull City and Bournemouth vs Brentford, plus quick trips to Spain for Real Madrid vs Rayo Vallecano and Levante vs Barcelona. Expect questionable scorelines, Arsenal propaganda, United optimism, Spurs slander, Chelsea hate-watching and the usual Five Aside chaos. Drop your predictions in the comments — and tell us which one of ours is going to age horribly. 👀⚽ Timestamps 00:00 — Welcome to Five Aside + immediate Arsenal/United banter 00:44 — Manchester Derby preview: Man United vs Man City 01:15 — Arsenal fans supporting United?! 02:08 — If City win, make it 4–0 😂 03:00 — Can United handle Thursday–Sunday football? 04:35 — Man United squad depth & derby predictions 05:21 — Sunderland vs Arsenal 06:15 — Are people disrespecting Arsenal? 07:00 — Arsenal, set pieces & last season debate 08:00 — Can Sunderland make it physical? 08:48 — Sunderland vs Arsenal score predictions 09:05 — Liverpool vs Fulham 10:05 — Could Fulham actually get something at Anfield? 10:25 — Tottenham vs Everton 11:00 — Spurs problems + Marmoush debate 12:00 — “They’re a bad team that tries” 😭 12:40 — Everton upset predictions 13:05 — Real Madrid vs Rayo Vallecano 13:35 — Levante vs Barcelona 14:05 — Chelsea vs Hull City 14:40 — Are we getting another Chelsea disaster? 15:20 — Why Chelsea should respond 15:48 — Bournemouth vs Brentford 16:30 — Brentford are cooking 16:52 — Manchester Derby watch party + outro 17:35 — Bonus Ipswich slander & final United thoughts

  • S4 · E14
    September 10 · 56 min

    Champions League & Chill? Chelsea Can’t Relate 😭

    The Champions League is back — but somebody forgot to invite Chelsea. 😭 The Five Aside crew breaks down the opening European action, from Arsenal grinding out a big away win and Barcelona’s terrifying attack to Liverpool’s shaky start and Real Madrid doing what Real Madrid always do: somehow winning. Plus, we debate whether Erling Haaland is already entering GOAT goalscorer territory, make our way-too-early Champions League winner predictions, and enter the Ballon d’Or trenches over Harry Kane, Olise, Mbappé, Bruno, Messi and more. And yes, AK gets absolutely cooked for watching Carabao Cup football on a Champions League night. Timestamps 0:00 – Intro 0:27 – Intro / banter, Chelsea vs Leeds (Carabao Cup) reactions 3:16 – Chelsea's tactical issues under Alonso, midfield problems 16:00 – Real Madrid vs Inter Milan recap 17:32 – Liverpool vs Atletico Madrid recap 21:20 – Chelsea's poor away record vs big clubs 18:48 – Arsenal vs Napoli recap, Saka & Zubimendi praise 24:52 – Ødegaard discussion & comparisons to Rashford 31:35 – Barcelona vs PSG/other UCL games, Ferran Torres hat trick 32:03 – Yamal free kicks & goal-scoring development 33:30 – Champions League winner predictions 40:47 – Haaland's scoring numbers & GOAT scorer debate 42:27 – Comparing Haaland to Mbappé/Madrid fit 45:47 – Ballon d'Or nominees discussion 50:00 – Bruno Fernandes & Portugal World Cup debate 56:32 – Ronaldo's controversial 2013 Ballon d'Or win debate 59:22 – Wrap-up & outro

  • S4 · E13
    September 7 · 32 min

    Kai Havertz, Chelsea Tax Collector! Arsenal Fight Back to Sink the Blues

    Arsenal concede almost immediately… and still walk away with a 2–1 win over Chelsea. 😭 The Five Aside crew takes over Brewhouse in Atlanta for instant post-match reactions as Arsenal fans celebrate, Chelsea fans run through the excuses, and even the neutrals admit the Gunners looked like champions. Ødegaard gets flowers for a captain’s performance, Havertz comes back to haunt Chelsea AGAIN, and David Raya delivers when it matters. Then the banter spreads across the Premier League: Tottenham’s zero-point nightmare, Manchester United reactions, Liverpool under Iraola, and some dangerously early predictions for the Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup and PFA Player of the Year. Timestamps 0:00 – Arsenal 2-1 Chelsea reactions begin 0:59 – Atlanta Gooners: match recap, Saka & Ødegaard praise 2:22 – Chelsea fan's honest breakdown (wing-back issues) 3:32 – Heated Arsenal vs Chelsea debate 7:46 – Arsenal dominance debate continues 8:26 – Stamford Bridge chants & birthday shoutouts 8:47 – Tottenham fan: 0 points discussion 13:21 – Man United vs Everton reactions 15:16 – Predictions: EPL, UCL, FA Cup, PFA (Man U/Everton fans) 15:38 – Arsenal comeback story & Havertz praise 19:08 – Chelsea fan's calm take & Ødegaard Man of the Match 22:18 – Predictions from Chelsea fan 22:53 – Aston Villa fan reactions 24:52 – Liverpool fan on Ipswich win & predictions 28:57 – Neutral fan's dominant Arsenal take 30:41 – Yamal vs Saka debate 31:38 – Best player of the game & final predictions 32:01 – Five Aside outro/shoutouts

  • S4 · E12
    September 4 · 13 min

    Goals or Clean Sheets? Weekend Predictions

    The Five Aside crew is back with another round of predictions, and nobody is feeling safe. Arsenal vs Chelsea takes center stage as the boys debate whether Chelsea can turn the Emirates into a shootout—or whether Arsenal shut up shop after scoring first. Then it’s Everton vs Man United, Liverpool’s trip to Ipswich, City vs Coventry, Forest vs Spurs, plus Barcelona and Real Madrid predictions in La Liga. Bold scores, instant prediction changes, Spurs panic and plenty of ball knowledge. Timestamps 00:00 — Arsenal vs Chelsea takes center stage 01:15 — Jesus doubts & Chelsea’s approach 02:25 — Can Chelsea force Arsenal into a shootout? 03:45 — Arsenal vs Chelsea score predictions 05:20 — Everton vs Man United predictions 06:35 — Ipswich vs Liverpool predictions 07:30 — Man City vs Coventry: how many? 08:20 — Forest vs Spurs & De Zerbi pressure 10:15 — Can Spurs finally bounce back? 11:05 — Valencia vs Barcelona predictions 11:40 — Real Betis vs Real Madrid predictions 12:35 — Game to watch & Super Sunday plans 13:00 — Arsenal nerves and final thoughts

  • S4 · E11
    September 3 · 1 hr 6 min

    Winners, Losers & Transfer Window Abusers

    The transfer window is CLOSED — which means it’s time to hand out receipts. 😂 The Five Aside crew debates the biggest winners and losers of the window, from Chelsea somehow turning long contracts into a transfer-market cheat code to Manchester City assembling a midfield that belongs in a Bugatti showroom. Manchester United’s business gets put on trial, Tottenham may have bought an entirely new postcode, and Liverpool’s new-look attack still has plenty to prove. Then the debate heads to Spain: did Real Madrid actually have the best window? Has Barcelona finally found its missing piece? Can Atlético fans forgive Alvarez after the transfer drama? And, naturally, the crew finishes by arguing over the Premier League top five before giving Messi his flowers. Timestamps 0:00 – Intro banter (pre-show football chat) 1:22 – Show intro / welcome 2:50 – Transfer window winners & losers 48:01 – Revisiting preseason predictions / new top five 59:30 – Messi tribute segment 65:32 – Outro / sign-off

  • S4 · E10
    August 31 · 40 min

    Money Can’t Buy Spurs Happiness 💸😭 | AK & Dalu’s EPL Takes — Gameweek 2

    AK & Dalu are back with the Five Aside EPL Takes, and Gameweek 2 brought goals, chaos and plenty of ammunition for the agenda. They break down Man City’s latest statement performance and the excitement around Cherki, Liverpool dropping points again against Nottingham Forest, and Tottenham’s rough start continuing despite spending big. Chelsea and Brighton serve up a seven-goal thriller, Cole Palmer reminds everyone what a fully fit version of him can do, and Bruno Fernandes leads Manchester United’s five-goal demolition job. Plus: FPL pain, tactical debates, transfer talk, Spurs slander, and AK & Dalu hand out their Player, Underrated Player and Team of the Week. Timestamps 00:00 — Intro: “All I do is win!” & Gameweek 2 chaos 02:43 — Man City & the Cherki hype train 05:03 — City’s spending & transfer talk 06:18 — Why Cherki is bringing the fun back 07:42 — Liverpool held 2–2 by Nottingham Forest 09:06 — Should Liverpool fans be worried? 11:02 — Liverpool’s intensity, Gakpo & squad questions 13:52 — Tottenham: money can’t buy happiness 😭 14:30 — Newcastle expose Spurs 16:24 — Newcastle’s grit gets its flowers 17:59 — Chelsea 4–3 Brighton: absolute cinema 20:19 — Chelsea’s counterattack & Brighton’s threat 21:00 — Cole Palmer is BACK 23:28 — What’s changed tactically for Palmer? 25:24 — What actually makes a natural striker? 27:52 — João Pedro delivers again 28:28 — Can Chelsea genuinely compete for the title? 29:45 — Manchester United 5–2 Ipswich 30:31 — Ipswich chose bravery…and paid for it 32:34 — Bruno Fernandes masterclass 34:50 — Five Aside Fantasy League prizes 35:59 — Arsenal vs Aston Villa predictions 37:10 — Player of the Week debate 38:21 — Cherki, Bruno & Mccatee get their flowers 38:43 — Team of the Week 39:12 — Outro

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