Tea with the MuseA Case for the Muse
Making a Case for the Muse
Well, it’s a silly thing to have to explain,
making a case for the Muse,
because anybody who’s
navigating an insurance claim
for a fallen tree or received a speeding ticket
because the Rolling Stones came on
and you just couldn’t help but dance
and you pressed so hard on the pedal.
I just can’t get no, no, no, no... satisfaction.
I mean anyone who forgot to renew
their driver’s license and got turned
away at the airport
understands the need for amusement!
Come on, just look at the text thread.
You are perusing through right now.
Almost every other text is
asking you for something.
How about the people
who got a hold of your phone number
and won’t stop inviting you to apply
for that job or apply for a loan
that you already qualified for or better yet
tell you that your mother lost her phone
and she’s trying to reach you.
And she died three years ago. Rest her soul.
Can you see how much the muse is needed?
Can you see?
If we don’t start laughing more...and soon
This whole thing
will try to convince us
that this is reality. Imagine that!
And still you wonder, what if it is Mother,
reaching from the other side?
You light a candle for her just in case
There is definitely a need for the Muse
when suddenly you have more
doctor’s appointments than
long lunch dates with girlfriends
who call you darlink’ and batt
their eyelashes at you, like Marlena Dietrich.
It’s just rough these days.
When you finally got
into a routine of happy hour and
found a beverage that tastes just right
and makes you chill out immediately
and then your doctor tells you
it’s going to turn to sugar
and you just can’t have sugar anymore.
WTF is going on here, people!
And then there’s all the paperwork
and the whispers of divorce
and diagnosis all around you
and the password hell? Don’t get me started.
Right now, there’s more than one friend
who’s having delusions
and the dementia articles
won’t stop showing themselves.
You can’t help but click
on that one tip that will keep you
from forgetting your dog’s name.
Do I need to convince you
there’s a need for the Muse,
for goodness sakes?
How about this? The reality that
a woman can grow a mustache in her 50s?
Uh huh. Overnight!
And suddenly
there’s more hair
on your inner thighs. Ew.
And you’re just so grateful
if you happen to have a lover
who appreciates you getting
more furry because
there’s more fur coming, you know?
The hair in your eyebrows
migrated to your chin, and
that is just no good!
Then there’s that innocuous mole
that you like to call a beauty mark
that has one black hair and
one white hair growing out of it and
they seem to appear overnight and
you don’t have white hair or black hair.
I mean, what the actual flying F!
If you keep them there for amusement,
they will eventually curl at your chin!
Sometimes I wish
I could talk to God and
ask Them about certain things.
Do you have a list like this?
God, do you have a moment? Please.
Couldn’t you have made it so that
we don’t have violence built into us
as a possibility and we could
still have free will?
Couldn’t you have made
the instructions for healing
a wound a little more
readable?
Why would you allow
bizarre things like
extractive capitalism to even
enter our minds?
I mean, the list goes on and on, y’all.
What’s on your list?
Yet more than a list of complaints,
I have a list of
gratitudes that runs all day long.
Dozens upon dozens of anemonies
in my garden, soft magenta, yellow centers.
The regal Valley Oak and the
large Band-Tailed pigeons from California,
and that the sun is shining
through my window, even though
one of the trees had to be taken down,
the neighbor asked me, and I did,
and it’s sad, but now I can see
the mountain and the sun.
The gift that when my heart is hurting,
my kitty will come and sit
right on top of my heart
and purr without being petted.
It’s far longer, the list of gratitudes
than the list of complaints.
There’s definitely a need for the Muse
because amusement is medicine
that everybody needs. The muse always
prefers leopard over beige.
She definitely has a preference for
rhinestones over buttons.
She really likes
fried chicken and mashed potatoes
instead of broccoli and fish without butter.
The Muse cannot conceive of a world
that does not have butter,
I mean, can you?
Or chocolate? That’s a whole food group
for the Muse, y’all.
But here’s the thing.
If you invite the muse in,
she can be extremely disruptive
to whatever invented balance you pretend
you’ve created in your household.
She wants to disrupt your life. She used some giant golden scissors to
cut you out of your box, the one you made!
And you’re standing there questioning
if you should step out or not because you
don’t know what you’re going to find out there
and you’re not sure you can make it back
from wherever you end up
by Monday morning at 9 o’clock.
Sometimes you just don’t care and
you walk out of that box anyway,
and you find the blue sky, you always knew
was right there.
Do you think about quitting
your job 10 times a day?
I mean, just admit it. I do.
I may not be employable, however.
Do you wonder why
that person you love so much
has a sticker on their bumper for the
opposite side of the party you decided
is the most right choice?
When you see someone smiling
in the grocery store for no apparent reason,
while they’re gazing at the crackers,
gluten-free or wheat?
Why don’t you just walk up to them and ask
them their secret
and tell them how glad you are
to see them?
What have you got to lose anyway?
Nuthin’ Make their day. What if each day you could
just smile as often as you think about it,
just break into a full scale, non-beautiful,
unapologetic, toothy grin.
That’s just one of the ways
to let the Muse in.
I’ve got lots of other tips and tricks,
for the seduction of the Muse
when you’ve been having a dry spell.
Lubrication definitely helps to get things going.
And let me tell you, you better get things going.
Don’t wait too long and let your body
go to sleep on you!
If you invite the Muse to come into your life,
she’s going to request more action
between the sheets
if you know what I mean.
Whether you are having
a lover now or not,
she still has demands for
getting the juices flowing.
Just for today.
I know exactly how
I will court my muse.
It helps to start
with the leopard underwear
and the push-up bra
and the rose oil on my nipples,
the sparkling lip gloss that
makes huge lip prints on my pink cup
in the pink cowgirl boots that stomp
with abandon, all that helps out!
Your Muse has a different kink than mine,
of course, what is it then,
that your Muse requests of you?
There is definitely a case for the Muse,
because the news is just bringing us
to one dumpster fire after another,
and I’m not saying we don’t have to
keep taking out the trash.
I’m saying we need
to adjust our schedule and our priorities
to create spaciousness
so the Muse can take up residence
in this house you call “my life”.
Give her chocolate and striped it socks,
red ones, and purple butterfly barrettes
and play her songs by the purple man, Prince.
Make her a cup of tea for you and me,
and let’s hang out in the imaginal land
where everybody’s already free.
And of course,
there are flying unicorns and fairy cake.
I’m headed to the giant canvas now,
where a circle of women is gathering
in colorful clothing, the Council.
They arrive with baskets and crock pots
full of the yummiest food to Stardust Ranch.
I made my famous lentil soup and hummus
from dried chickpeas in preparation for the party!
And the Phoenix woman, yeah,
the one who rose again
is appearing on my canvas.
She has lots to say to me
and the Muse is the gateway
for hearing her voice,
and I am listening.
The truth is, today I’m walking with a limp.
Like Jacob, I’ve been wrestling with an angel,
and I won’t let go until the angel blesses me.
But in the meantime, I’m walking softly and
carrying a big lipstick and a walking stick.
Honey, I just know deep down
in my stardust bones,
that we all need to invite the Muse to tea
and offer her a giant paintbrush.
I just know these things.
Like Dolly Parton says:
Decide who you’re going to be
and do it on purpose.”Join me on October 3
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Maik Kroner Photography
