WTF is on my Mind?!

Failing the Test Is Passing the Test: The Moment I Chose My Wife Over NXIVM

This one is personal. When I was waking up from NXIVM, Raniere and the people around him were turning on my wife Bonnie and trying to destroy our marriage. At one point she asked me where she stood in all of it. I checked in with myself, deeply, and I gave her my answer. The cult saw that answer as weakness. Last week in New York, someone asked me about that moment on a podcast, and it brought back something I had completely forgotten. In the 90s I read a book called "The Nine Faces of Christ" by Eugene Whitworth. It moved me so much that I wanted to make a film of it. Near the end, the main character faces a final test in an Egyptian mystery school: to move on, he has to give up the woman he loves. What he chooses, and what happens next, has stayed with me for decades. I just didn't realize how closely it mirrored my own choice until now. In this episode I talk about: - The moment Bonnie asked me where my loyalty was - How NXIVM turned my answer into a story about me having no backbone - The story of "The Nine Faces of Christ" and why it hit me so hard - Why sometimes the only way to pass the test is to fail it - Going back to Albany, and what I noticed about how I used to feel there - Choosing love, life and presence over ideology NARCISSIST'S PLAYBOOK IN WASHINGTON, D.C. We're screening the film on October 25th. Details and sign up: here: https://narcissistsplaybook.uscreen.io/pages/filmscreenings MY ALBANY VLOG I walked around the old stomping grounds and recorded my thoughts. It's up on Patreon: www.patreon.com/markvicente Stay curious. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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The Algorithm Wants us to Hate

You're sure you know who the enemy is. You've seen the evidence. You've read the comments. But what if the fight itself is the product? In NXIVM, Raniere kept us busy fighting each other so none of us looked up at what he was doing. I'm watching the same pattern play out on a massive scale, and most people are too inflamed to notice. So I want to ask you a question I think very few people are asking right now: who benefits when you hate the other side? And if the answer makes you uncomfortable, what do you actually do about it? I have a thought on the antidote. I'd love to hear yours in the comments. 🎟 Nashville screening of Narcissist's Playbook with Evan Rachel Wood, Sept 22: https://www.belcourt.org/events/rental-screening-narcissists-playbook/ 🎬 Rent the film anytime: http://www.narcissistsplaybook.com 📩 Know a journalist or outlet who should cover the film? outreach@narcissistsplaybook.com 🎧 My earlier episode on narcissistic triangulation: https://youtu.be/jdlrfn7V22Q 🎧 My interview with A Little Bit Culty: Part 1: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-little-bit-culty/id1553334816?i=1000789536099 Part 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-little-bit-culty/id1553334816?i=1000789541029 Stay curious. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 14 - The Cult Assassin

For thirteen episodes, you've heard from the people Bentinho Massaro did this to. This episode is different. Carol Merchasin isn't a survivor, she's a lawyer, and some people call her 'The Cult Assassin.' If this conversation resonates, watch my documentary on narcissistic abuse, 'Narcissist's Playbook: Empathy Not Included' www.narcissistsplaybook.com Carol Merchasin is an attorney and advocate on coercive control and high-demand groups, and the founder of a litigation practice devoted to sexual abuse, trafficking, and coercive control cases against these organizations. She previously spent years as a partner at Morgan, Lewis, investigating sexual misconduct inside Fortune 50 companies. She's now president of the Board of the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA): www.internationalculticstudies.org In this conversation, Carol and I get into what coercion actually looks like when there's no physical force involved: the isolation, the indoctrination, the slow process of cutting someone off from every outside voice that could tell them something is wrong. We talk about why "why didn't you leave" is the wrong question, and why "it could never happen to me" is the most dangerous thing anyone can believe about themselves. Carol also walks through the legal side most people never hear: how a case like this actually gets built, what the Trafficking Act has to do with coercive control that never involves physical force, and why the NXIVM case set a precedent that keeps getting built on every time a new case reaches a courtroom. These organizations act like they're untouchable. They're not, and this episode is about exactly why. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Narcissism: When the Ego Goes Insane

This is a crossover episode between WTF Is on My Mind and Remember Your Greatness. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/remember-your-greatness-with-mark-vicente/id1838356198 People have watched me go from What the Bleep Do We Know?! to Narcissism, Cults, and Dark Psychology, and some have asked what the two have to do with each other. This episode is my answer. Narcissism is, in essence, the ego gone completely out of control. Spiritual and philosophical traditions have talked about the true self versus the false self for centuries, and I think Narcissistic Personality Disorder shows us exactly what happens when that false self becomes so disconnected from reality that it takes over completely. In this episode I talk about: - The difference between the false self we construct and the true self that feels more constant and eternal - The "I AM" state, and what happens when people touch that place of pure presence - How our thoughts can become completely detached from reality when we mistake them for our identity - Why communal narcissism can look like altruism and care when it is actually feeding a false sense of self - Keith Raniere's use of the word "pride," and why disabling healthy ego makes people easier to control - Why trying to destroy the ego is just another ego trip, and why that approach backfires - What cult leaders reveal about this pattern taken to its extreme Narcissism is a warning signal for what happens when we become spiritually dysregulated. Understanding it is not just about spotting it in other people. It is about understanding the same mechanism in ourselves. If this resonates with you, check out Narcissist's Playbook, our documentary featuring Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Dr. Heather Berlin, Richard Grannon, Evan Rachel Wood and a host of self-confessed narcissists, available to rent at NarcissistsPlaybook.uscreen.io As always, stay curious. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 13 - The Insane Text Messages Part 4

Inst@Guru is an investigative series examining Bentinho Massaro, a Dutch-born spiritual influencer, and the high-control dynamics inside his organization. It's built around the accounts of three former members who spent years close to him: Jacqueline Graham, Keilan McNeil, and Jade Alectra. Each brings their own texts, memories, and evidence to build a full picture of what actually happened, and why it's so hard to see from the inside while you're living it. This is part four of the text message series. Jacqueline, Keilan, and Jade go through their private conversations with Cory, Bentinho's right hand, and with Bentinho himself, in the aftermath of leaving his organization. Jacqueline shares her full exit conversation with Cory, the one where every doubt she raises gets reframed as a "visit" from a negative entity. Jade walks through what happened during an isolated retreat with Bentinho, Cory, and Paola, and what she describes as being groomed into treating consent as something to overcome. You'll hear what happened to Paola in the years that followed. Keilan shows the "plug the holes" damage control that kicked in within thirty minutes of a single online post, along with a threatening text from Bentinho to a former employee, and an older group chat that shows Cory's devotion to him years before any of this. I'm Mark Vicente. I spent twelve years inside NXIVM, the group HBO covered in The Vow. This series exists because Jacqueline, Keilan, and Jade wanted people to see how this actually works from the inside, not just hear that it happened. This is episode 13. If you haven't watched episodes 1 through 12, start there, this one builds directly on everything before it. I also just released Narcissist's Playbook, a documentary highly relevant to this series. https://narcissistsplaybook.uscreen.io/ Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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They Believe Their Own Lies: A Neuroscientist Explains Narcissism w/ Dr. Heather Berlin

I've been sitting with a theory for a while now: that dissociation isn't just what happens to survivors; it might be the actual cornerstone of narcissism itself. Not just what a narcissist does to the people around them, but something disconnected inside of them too, from their own shame, their own actions, maybe their own humanity. Watch Narcissist's Playbook: https://narcissistsplaybook.uscreen.io Join the Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Dr. Heather Berlin: https://www.heatherberlin.com Dr. Heather Berlin was one of the experts featured in Narcissist's Playbook, and she joined us for our launch weekend, July 24th to 26th, for a live Q&A that left me with a lot of unfinished thoughts I couldn't stop turning over. So I brought her back to dig in a little deeper. We get into what dissociation actually is, why some narcissists can pass a polygraph while telling a bold lie because they've come to genuinely believe it, and why some seem to see other people less as people and more as objects, tools, even less than that. We also talk about the difference between refusing to look inward and being unable to, whether some of this is decided early in life or wired in from birth, and why the people who seek power the most are so often the ones who should have it the least. Dr. Heather Berlin is a neuroscientist and clinical psychologist, and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Neuroscience at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. Her research explores the neural basis of trauma and dissociation, with a particular focus on the insula, the brain region tied to body awareness, and on depersonalization, the clinical term for the numbness and disconnection so many survivors describe. She's also a well-known science communicator, hosting PBS NOVA's Your Brain and appearing regularly on StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson. Her new book, The Fine Art of Losing Control, is available for pre-order now. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Dr. Ramani on Self-Blame, Grief, and Trauma Bonding

Narcissist's Playbook is out now and available to rent at https://narcissistsplaybook.uscreen.io/ From July 24th to 26th, we held our Narcissist's Playbook launch weekend, and Dr. Ramani Durvasula was one of our featured speakers. I got to sit down with her for this conversation, and this time we didn't talk about the narcissists. We talked about the survivors and the road back to themselves. PLEASE NOTE THE EMAIL MENTIONED IS NOT AVAILABLE NOW. THAT WAS ONLY FOR THE LIVE WEEKEND. We get into the fog, that disorienting space where you finally start to see the pattern but don't trust your own memory anymore. Dr. Ramani explains why time itself feels lost in these relationships, and why self blame shows up first, before anger, as a survival mechanism rather than a personal flaw. We talk about the fantasy people hold onto and the fear underneath it, and about grief, not just for the relationship, but for the person you were before it. Then we open it up to audience questions, covering narcissists at work, grieving a narcissistic parent, custody battles, trauma bonding, and how to leave when someone threatens to hurt themselves if you do. Narcissist's Playbook is out now and available to rent at https://narcissistsplaybook.uscreen.io/ Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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"My Jaw Was on the Floor": Dr. Jamie Zuckerman on the Narcissist's Playbook Film

Dr. Jamie Zuckerman and I sat down to talk about our film, Narcissist's Playbook. https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ Dr. Zuckerman is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, and she's seen the film. In this conversation, we get into why my team and I spent five years making it, my own experience in NXIVM, and how it shaped this project, and why we brought self-aware narcissists into the film alongside survivors and clinicians. Dr. Zuckerman brings the clinical side of it too: why narcissistic patterns are so predictable across every kind of relationship, and why that predictability is actually what makes healing possible. We also get into the resistance this film has faced getting out into the world, why we chose to go independent and survivor-funded instead of through Hollywood, and what's ahead for the release. Narcissist's Playbook Release Schedule: July 17 | Early Donor Access July 24-26 | Official Launch Weekend July 29 | General Rental Release Learn more or donate at www.narcissistsplaybook.com Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 12 - The Toxic Text Messages Part 3

This is episode 12 of Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro, an ongoing deep dive investigation into the world of Dutch spiritual influencer Bentinho Massaro and the people inside it. Gaby Petris Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@UCvHpiQAiTKxoodufKO5_Viw The text messages continue. This episode is mostly Jade Alectra’s, and what you're going to see is her mind and her instincts getting dismantled in real time. The sequence involving pillows alone is a masterclass in how intermittent reinforcement works. She's given a task, she does it, the instruction changes, she corrects, he criticizes the correction, then pivots to accusing her of performing. There is no way to win. By design. But we start before that, with a group chat Jade wasn't even in. Before she's properly settled, Bentinho is already coaching the inner circle on how to perceive her, manage their doubts about his interest in her, and frame what he's doing as spiritual work. One of the reasons he wanted her there? Her connection to someone with tens of millions of social media followers. She didn't find out this chat existed until months after she left. Then there's the line. In his own words, to his inner circle: "I may f*ck one into freedom and patiently ignore the other into freedom for years." Not interpretation. Not out of context. A spiritual teacher describing his methodology. There's also a moment where Jade reveals he never disclosed he had herpes, and the group discusses how the inner circle was essentially mobilized to keep him calm enough that a cold sore wouldn't erupt on camera. Keilan points out the obvious: if Bentinho is a fifth-density being who can alter his body with his thoughts, why does he need everyone around him managing his stress levels? We also get into the question of Cory, how deeply enmeshed she is, what it would take for her to get out, and whether that's even possible without him being removed from the picture entirely. This is still just a fraction of what exists. More is coming. The invitation to Bentinho, to Cory, to Kars, to anyone in leadership who wants to make the case publicly and on the record, remains open. Inst@Guru is part of the podcast WTF Is On My Mind, available on YouTube and all podcast platforms. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 11 - Silvana

Silvana was working at Gaia, deep in a healing process, surrounded by a spiritual community, when she was introduced to Bentinho Massaro through what looked like an ordinary birthday dinner. Within days, there was a yoga class, tacos, a hot tub, truth or dare, and a text message she describes as the most manipulative thing she has ever read in her life. She didn't fall for it. But in this episode, she explains exactly how close she came, and why. Silvana's story is different from the ones you've heard so far in this series. She's not a survivor of what Bentinho did to Jacqueline, or Jade, or Keilan. She saw it coming, named it, and walked out. What she has to say about how it works, and who it targets, and what actually protects people, is one of the most clear-eyed accounts we've heard in this entire investigation. Also in this episode: Bentinho's infamous "spiritual" text message, read aloud and taken apart line by line. An NDA requested the morning after a party. And Silvana's final thoughts on rage, responsibility, and why women in spiritual spaces deserve so much better than what they're being sold. This is part of the ongoing Inst@Guru investigation into Bentinho Massaro, a Dutch spiritual influencer covered by Rolling Stone, The Guardian, Vice, and De Volkskrant. Bentinho Massaro: you are welcome to sit down with me any time. The invitation remains open. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 10 - The Toxic Text Messages Part 2

This is episode 10 of Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro, an ongoing deep dive investigation into the world of Dutch spiritual influencer Bentinho Massaro and the people inside it. The damning text messages continue. This episode is Keilan McNeil's. He reads through two text threads that show a side of Bentinho Massaro that his followers rarely, if ever, see. The first is a group chat in which Bentinho systematically dismantles his then-girlfriend Alison in front of the inner circle, including telling her to "go fuck yourself" while simultaneously complaining that her "negative energy" is ruining his dinner plans with a Playboy journalist. The second is the day Keilan and Jade leave the compound in Mexico. What starts as a loving farewell message turns, within minutes, into Keilan being called a pussy, a demon, and a liability in front of the entire group. His crime: asking about a drone he was owed as payment for months of unpaid work. What you're going to see is the same playbook Jacqueline described in episode 9. The warmth, then the detonation, then the softening, then the demand for total submission. Over and over. Different person, same architecture. You'll also see Cory's role up close. She isn't just a bystander. She's an enforcer, and she believes every word of it. And if you're in the inner circle watching this, thinking you've never seen anything like it, you may not have. Because even the inner circle was compartmentalized. That's not a coincidence. That's the design. The invitation to Bentinho, to Cory, to Kars, to anyone in leadership who wants to make the case with me publicly and on the record, remains open. Inst@Guru is part of the podcast WTF Is On My Mind, available on YouTube and all podcast platforms. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

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Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 9 - The Text Messages Part 1

For the next few episodes, our three defectors, Jacqueline Graham, Keilan McNeil, and Jade Alectra, are going to read out their private text messages with Bentinho and the group. What you're going to see is the side of him that his community never sees, the version that exists behind closed doors. This episode belongs mostly to Jacqueline. She reads through a cascade of messages sent to her at an airport, after she told him one simple thing: that she was afraid of him. What follows is a prolonged, methodical dismantling. He questions her honesty, assigns her evil, recruits the inner circle as witnesses, demands public confession of her darkest thoughts, and positions himself as the one having a heart attack. Before we get into it, I address something that comes up constantly in the comments. People ask, "These are such huge red flags, why didn't she see them?" This is a question I keep on answering in different ways, and apparently I will keep on doing it until the day I die. I try a different metaphor in this one. We also check in with all three defectors on what it's been like since the series started. The volume of people reaching out, the toll it's taking, and what keeps them going. This is a tiny fraction of what exists. More will surface in the TV series. But what's here is more than enough to show you the pattern. Next episode is Keilan. Then Jade. Inst@Guru is part of the podcast WTF Is On My Mind, available on YouTube and all podcast platforms. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Evan Rachel Wood: A Wolf in Wolf's Clothing

Evan Rachel Wood has been through it. The abuse. The smear campaigns. The legal battles. The silencing. And she came out the other side still talking. We sat down shortly after she watched the latest cut of Narcissist's Playbook, my documentary film that she is featured in, and we didn't hold back. www.narcissistsplaybook.com The conversation covers how narcissistic abuse actually works at a mechanical level: love bombing, grooming, isolation, gaslighting, and why it doesn't just happen to vulnerable or naive people. It happens because these tactics are designed to hack the human mind, and once you know how to do that, it is extraordinarily dangerous in the wrong hands. From there we get into the cult-like dynamics that form around narcissistic personalities: the flying monkeys, the loyalty tests, the fawning, and why the people closest to a narcissist will do their bidding just to stay in favor, including going after the very survivors who speak out. Evan takes us inside the Phoenix Act: what it actually took to change the statute of limitations for domestic violence crimes in California, why the legal system is structurally set up to protect abusers, and what she heard directly from the DA's office that says everything about where we are. She also gets into the smear campaigns, the death threats, the legal weaponization, and the surreal experience of watching other women, including some survivors, be used against her. There's a hard look at what it means that a film like Narcissist's Playbook has to go around the entire industry to reach people, and what that tells you about the institutions we've been taught to trust. And then there's the part that will hit closest to home for a lot of people: recovery. What it actually takes to get your self-trust back. To find your intuition again. To know the difference between anxiety, paranoia, and a real deep knowing. And what it feels like to finally be able to breathe. This is less of an interview and more of a conversation between two people who have both been through it, and who are done pretending the world isn't what it is. Narcissist's Playbook is available at narcissistsplaybook.com Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 8 - Aaron Abke "Behind the Mask"

One of the recurring defenses from people still inside Bentinho Massaro's circle is that the people who have spoken out, Jacqueline, Keilan, and Jade, simply didn't understand the Law of One teachings. That they weren't advanced enough. That if they had truly grasped what was being offered, they would have seen things differently. So we spoke to someone who knows the teachings well. Aaron Abke grew up as a pastor's son, earned a degree in Music and Theology, spent a year as a full-time worship pastor before walking away from religion at 23, and eventually found his way to the Law of One and A Course in Miracles. He is someone who loves these texts, has built his work around them, and knows them in depth. He also met Bentinho Massaro in person. What he encountered bore almost no resemblance to the figure on YouTube: crude, sexually predatory, emotionally unhinged, and deeply insecure. It had been sitting with him for years. Then he watched the Inst@Guru interviews, and pieces started falling into place that hadn't made sense since 2019. He reached out to Jacqueline, Keilan, and Jade. And that's how we ended up here. In this conversation, Aaron breaks down what the Law of One actually teaches about the service-to-self polarity, how negative beings operate according to the Ra material, and how precisely that description maps onto what defectors have described. He also addresses Bentinho's claim to be Ra, a sixth-density being, the weaponization of STS attack rhetoric to silence dissent, and what genuine transformation actually requires, especially in light of Bentinho's recent letter from the Himalayas. This is not a debate about the Law of One. Aaron loves these teachings. What he couldn't stay silent about was watching them be used as a weapon. https://www.aaronabke.com/ Mark's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 7 - Jade Part 2 “Leave Your Body”

We pick up where we left off in Part 1. A kitchen in Ecuador. Two women looking at each other across an island with empty eyes. What follows is five months of Jade Alectra's life across four countries: Panama, Mexico, Costa Rica, the Yucatan - and through experiences that are among the most disturbing in this entire series. In Part Two, Jade describes the second r*pe, a meditation played loud, a voice telling her to leave her body, and the moment she felt she had achieved something when it was over. She describes the balcony speech that severed her from home and everyone she loved. The entity attack triggered by the wrong pillows. The screaming over folded underwear that sent shakes through her body for the first time. Being used to recruit the next woman while starving for any warmth herself. The mask slipping at the whiteboard. And the long, brutal aftermath; the lost apartment, the lost job, the lost self, and the phone calls with Jacqueline, Keilan, and Jocelyn that kept her alive. This episode also includes a direct discussion of trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement. How the nervous system becomes wired not to escape but to return. And it closes with something I've needed to say for a while about the psychology of leaders who expose everyone around them while fearing exposure above all else. There are moments of silence in this episode. They belong to Jade. Please sit with them. The Consent Awareness Network: https://consentawareness.net This is Episode 7 of Inst@Guru, an investigative podcast series examining Bentinho Massaro and the high-control group around him. The investigation has been ongoing for almost 5 years. This series is not over. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 6 - Jade Part 1 "Empty Eyes"

Jade Alectra was a D1 athlete, a yoga teacher with 75,000 followers, a feature in Oprah Magazine, and a meditation practice she had built from scratch. None of that protected her. In this episode, Jade begins the story of how she was recruited into Bentinho Massaro's inner circle - not through his teachings, but through the women around him. What follows is one of the most detailed accounts of pre-grooming, love-bombing, and psychological manipulation in this entire series. It is also the darkest episode we have released to date. Jade describes the systematic dismantling of her boundaries, the mechanics of how a high-control group conditions its members through sleep deprivation, food scarcity, and enforced silence. She describes sexual coercion and assault. She describes what it looks like when two women, trapped inside the same system, can only look at each other across a kitchen and say nothing. There are no trigger warnings on this episode. This story needs to land. This episode also addresses something that came up repeatedly when I was in the Netherlands watching journalists interview survivors - the question the press always asks, and the question they never ask. And it includes, my thoughts on a recent letter Bentinho Massaro published to his followers. Bentinho Massaro has been invited to participate in this series from the beginning. That invitation remains open. This is Inst@Guru, an investigative podcast series examining Bentinho Massaro and the high-control group around him. The investigation has been ongoing for almost 5 years now. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 5 - Keilan Part 2 "Closer to God"

This is part of my ongoing deep-dive investigation into the world of Bentinho Massaro - a Dutch spiritual influencer with millions of followers and a story that goes far beyond what's visible on his carefully curated social media. I've been documenting this for over four years. This is Keilan Part Two. In Part One, we watched Keilan McNeil get pulled in. In Part Two, we go inside the machine. This episode covers what life actually looks like inside a high-control group once the honeymoon is over. The distortion readings that never end. The psych unit with zero qualifications running psychological sessions on a hundred people. The retreat in Costa Rica where the lights go out. The 'fog of war' these organizations deliberately manufacture - the lack of sleep, the relentless introspection, the group struggle sessions - designed to keep people too disoriented to leave. And the moment in Mexico where Bentinho points to his bedroom and tells Keilan that sex with him would bring him CLOSER TO GOD. There's also Ecuador. I'll just say - what are the chances? By the time this episode is out, I've returned from Amsterdam, where I spent a week with Jacqueline, Keilan, Jade, dozens of defectors, and Dutch investigative journalist Ivo van Woerden, whose book 'In de Greep van de Goeroe' - In the Grip of the Guru - has just been released in the Netherlands. The press there has been consuming this story. If you have something to share about what happened inside Bentinho's organization, now is a crucial time. Keilan broke a significant six-figure NDA to tell this story. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 4 - Ivo van Woerden "The Journalist"

A note before you listen: this episode was recorded before I left for the Netherlands. I just spent seven days there shooting with the Three Amigos, Jacqueline Graham, Keilan McNeil, Jade Alectra and Ivo van Woerden, along with a number of other people who are essential to telling this story. A lot is coming. But first, this. Ivo van Woerden is a Dutch journalist who has spent the better part of five years investigating Bentinho Massaro. He interviewed over 60 people. He was publicly called out by Massaro on Instagram before he'd even published a word, his name and handle broadcast to thousands of followers in what felt, as Ivo puts it, genuinely threatening. He kept going anyway. The result is "In de Greep van de Goeroe," "In the Grip of the Guru," published this week and available now in Dutch. For more information, follow Ivo's Substack - https://ivovanwoerden.substack.com/ In this conversation, Ivo and I cover a lot of ground: how he found Massaro, what Massaro's public callout of him actually felt like, his own undercover experience inside a high-control group, the WhatsApp messages between Massaro and former girlfriend Alison that are as chilling as anything in this story, the psychology of Cory Katuna, and the question that everyone asks and nobody can fully answer: does Bentinho Massaro believe his own mythology? Ivo is not only a phenomenal journalist. He's become a genuine friend. And the survivors, the people who lived through what this podcast is about, think the world of him. There's a reason for that, and you'll hear it in this conversation. The book is available now. If you speak Dutch, or know someone who does, go find it. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 3 - Keilan Part 1 "The Mission"

For over four years I've been documenting the world of Bentinho Massaro - a Dutch spiritual influencer with millions of followers and a very dark story behind the public image. This is my deep dive investigation. We've heard from Jacqueline Graham in Episodes 1 and 2. Now it's time to hear from Keilan McNeil. Keilan's entry point into Bentinho's world is completely different from Jacqueline's. He wasn't a spiritual seeker. He was a twenty-two year old film school dropout, isolated, angry at the system, going down conspiracy YouTube at two in the morning. Bentinho didn't offer him enlightenment. He offered him purpose. And that distinction matters - because purpose is a harder hook to see, and a harder one to let go of. This episode covers Keilan's arc from the first YouTube video through Egypt, Hawaii, and Italy. Along the way we meet Cory Katuna for the first time - Bentinho's right-hand woman, the person who kept the whole operation running. We also meet Allison McClarty, Bentinho's girlfriend during this period, whose story is one of the more difficult ones in the series. And we spend time on something essential to understand about these organizations - the way they take your clearest, most legitimate instincts and weaponize them against you. Every group does it. The language is always different. The move is always the same. As with all of them, Keilan broke a significant six-figure NDA to tell this story. Bentinho Massaro's standing invitation to appear on this podcast remains open. The views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/ Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/

Inst@Guru: Bentinho Massaro Ep 2 - Jacqueline Part 2 "All In"

In Part One, we met Jacqueline Graham, a Canadian mother of three, a lifelong spiritual seeker, and the woman who would become Bentinho Massaro's girlfriend. We watched her get drawn in: the love bombing, the pedestaling, the first cruelties, the money handed over in Panama. This episode is about what happened after she decided to go all in. "All In" covers the full arc of Jacqueline's time inside: the financial coercion, the manipulation tactics, a letter she was asked to sign at a monastery in the Netherlands that she probably shouldn't have, a night in Vegas she describes as one of the most degrading experiences of her life, and the slow, painful collapse that finally led her out. It ends with the two words she sent to a woman she'd never met, whose story turned out to be her own story. Throughout this episode I've woven narration in and out of Jacqueline's account, trying to give the listener the psychological scaffolding to understand what they're hearing. Not just what happened, but why it makes sense that it happened, and why the people it happened to are not the ones who should carry the shame of it. We get into betrayal blindness and DARVO, two concepts developed by psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd that turn out to be an almost perfect description of how organizations like this one operate. We talk about shame -- how it's manufactured, how it's weaponized, and how it keeps people silent long after they've left. And we talk about what actually helps: connection, comparison of notes, and the decision not to hide. Jacqueline broke a significant six-figure NDA to tell this story. She did it anyway. Because she felt she had no choice. Support the show The views and opinions expressed by guests on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicente Website: www.markvicente.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ X: https://x.com/markvicente TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicente Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/