Skip to content
Sign in
Artwork for The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
Kids & FamilyParentingHealth & FitnessMental Health

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Robyn Gobbel

Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work. 

You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.

Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!

Play
Open in
  • 30 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 42 min
  • English

Episodes 30

NewestOldestLongest
All20Unplayed20In progress0Played0
Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.
  • #288
    Tuesday · 36 min

    EP 288: How to Stay Regulated...NOT Calm!!!

    Sometimes you work so hard to stay ‘calm’ but then realize- it feels totally fake. Yeah, that’s because sometimes calm makes no sense! Sometimes the behavior is serious, and you are mad, and of course you are. Regulated doesn’t have to mean calm, and there’s a four-step process that can help you hang onto your owl brain by one sharp talon even while your watchdog is starting to get really active. In this episode you’ll learn: Why working to look calm when you aren’t is hard on your nervous system and confusing for your kid (insides and outsides that don’t match are a cue of danger) The four steps for staying regulated while you’re mad or scared: notice, acknowledge without judgment, self-compassion, and getting grounded in the here and now The six stages of learning this skill, including the frustrating one where you can see yourself flipping your lid and still can’t stop it, and why that stage is progress The Club is open for new members through the end of the day today, October 13. Come practice these four steps with us, live, in early November. Resources mentioned in this podcast: EP 84: Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior → RobynGobbel.com/changebehavior Webinar & eBook: Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/regulatednotcalm Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #287
    October 6 · 43 min

    EP 287: How to scaffold "accepting no"

    Does hearing “no” or “not right now” or “stop doing…” seem to bring your child’s back-off watchdog or shut-down possum out? Or even worse?? Almost every family I’ve ever worked with has had some sort of struggle with their child tolerating frustration, or disappointment, or not getting what they want. These kids look ‘spoiled,’ and the judgment from others is REAL. But accepting no and tolerating frustration are owl brain skills that can be scaffolded. There’s a pretty lengthy ‘skill stack’ underneath accepting no, and if your child doesn’t have a lot of those skills, then of course they are going to go from 0-60 when they don’t get what they want. In this episode you'll learn: The skills hiding underneath "accepting no" (regulation, relationship, time, and agency- just to get started with) and why spotting the ones your child is missing changes how you respond Why "not right now" feels like "never" to a dysregulated brain, even for a kid who understands perfectly well what later means Why holding the no while your child melts down takes a skill stack of your own, including tolerating other people's judgment The Club is open for new members this week! Come join us for the full accepting-no skill stack and for help working out what all of this looks like in YOUR family. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/acceptingno Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #286
    September 29 · 39 min

    EP 286: A Checklist for BEING, not doing

    I know how intensely we want a checklist. Do this, this, and this, and the dysregulation will end, and your kid will be OK. This episode is the story of chasing exactly that list (Dr. Sears' Attachment Parenting checklist that I worked to check off one by one) and finding something else entirely in Dan Siegel's Parenting From the Inside Out. He didn’t give a checklist at all, just a way of being. So, I can’t give you a checklist, but this episode is the closest thing I can give you: a stance to hold as your foundation, and three relational moves that cycle on top of it, out of order, again and again. In this episode you will learn: Why attachment (and regulation, and connection) resist a tidy checklist, and what to reach for instead when the flowchart doesn't exist The difference between the stance underneath everything (curiosity, compassion, non-judgment, staying with uncertainty) and the three moves that sit on top of it: noticing me, noticing you, noticing we Why losing the stance in a hard moment doesn't mean anything failed; actually, noticing you've lost it is itself the stance Resources mentioned in this podcast: Parenting from the Inside Out → drdansiegel.com/book/parentingfromtheinsideout The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/being Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #285
    September 22 · 40 min

    EP 285: Triggers & Beliefs Only Parenting Seems to Activate

    Sometimes it’s the little moments that overwhelm us more than the big, scary ones. The "whatever" muttered under their breath, the stash of snack wrappers under the bed, or they flatly deny something you're 99% sure they did. Sure, these things are frustrating, and it makes sense you’d have a reaction- but for some reason, you find yourself in zero to fury before you even had a chance to think. It can feel so perplexing. There was no meltdown, no real crisis- why is the reaction oh so big? This episode digs into why…and what those $5-reaction, 50-cent-problem moments are actually pointing to. In this episode, you will learn: Why implicit memory isn't just about never forgetting to ride a bike. It's also somatic, relational, and emotional, impacting the reactions we have to all the things that are happening How old beliefs (mental models) don't just interpret what's happening; they actually predict it and sometimes even help create it A closer look at the specific mental models - some from parenting, some from being parented - that might be connected to some of your biggest reactions Curious which of these beliefs might be yours? Chapter 10 of the new Guided Journal walks through the Discovering Our Fears process, with a companion worksheet available as a free download. And if you’re a Club member, you don’t need to go searching for the free download- it’s stored in the Club resource library! Resources mentioned in this podcast: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3) {EP 268} → RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1 Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/parentingtriggers Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #284
    September 21 · 36 min

    EP 284: Wherever You Are is Exactly Right (me too)

    I know you are working so, so, so hard to hold onto your owl brain. Maybe you're at the stage where you don't even notice you've flipped your lid until hours later. Maybe you're at the stage where you can see it happening and still can't stop it. Either way, there's probably an old, familiar voice telling you that you should be further along than you are by now. I was once exactly there, too. Hollering- literally - at my own therapist for the reality that I wasn’t changing faster. I was MAD. I finally finally, finally had to consider believing what she was offering me- that I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment, and I was shifting and changing as fast as I could. I have had the experience on both sides of the couch- the person who was so angry I wasn’t changing faster AND the therapist who believed with my whole being that my client was exactly where they needed to be- even if that truth was extremely painful. I wrote the Guided Journal from that space between. In this episode you will learn: Why hearing "you're exactly where you need to be" from my own therapist once felt more like a threat than comfort What made a therapist's steady presence more powerful than any of the tools she had, even all her training in about five bajillion techniques Why the guided journal was crafted with no agenda, no required order, and nowhere you have to arrive by the last page The Guided Journal is out today, September 21 — grab it wherever you love to buy books, or catch a signed copy through Schuler Books. Details on tonight's Grand Rapids signing, the Richmond events, and the October 1st online celebration are all at robyngobbel.com. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/exactlyright Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #283
    September 15 · 39 min

    EP 283: What if I'm too burned out to do any of these things?

    Almost always when I’m teaching or presenting, a parent is finally brave enough to ask: “What if I'm too burned out to do any of this?” And then at least half the other parents in the room look expectantly at me because they, too, are wondering how they could possibly conjure up enough energy to use playfulness. They aren’t even sure they like their kid enough to offer enough cues of safety. This episode looks at the physiology of burn out, why the strategies you already know feel completely out of reach when you're this depleted, and what's actually possible from here. In this episode, you will learn: Why it takes a lot more than pushing through burnout to shift out of it Why rest (not more effort) is the first real step toward healing How teeny tiny drops of safety, not big sweeping changes, are what actually start tipping the scale back toward connection If you’re looking for a place to start accumulating cues of safety for yourself, come join us in The Club the next time we are welcoming new members! Resources mentioned in this podcast: Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {EP 161} → RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinside Felt Safety (Outside) - Part 2 {EP 162} → RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyoutside Felt Safety (Between) - Part 3 {EP 163} → RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetybetween Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/tooburnedout Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #282
    September 8 · 42 min

    EP 282: Parents & Practitioners Need the Same Thing- and it's not more tools

    You've called every therapist in town and heard the same thing back: not taking new clients. Or you're the one on the other end of that call, staring at a kid whose behavior you can't make sense of, wondering if you're just not cut out for this. I get it. I intimately understand both sides of this struggle. In this episode, you'll learn: Why a dysregulated parent needs the same thing from their practitioner that a child needs from their parent What actually changes behavior long-term (hint: unfortunately, it’s not a tool. That would be this easy!) Why this nested process — professional, parent, child — is the core framework that makes the Immersion Program unique. And, what makes it work. Apply for the Immersion Program at RobynGobbel.com/immersion Find a practitioner who is an Immersion Program Graduate at RobynGobbel.com/Directory Resources mentioned in this podcast: Apply for the Immersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersion Find a practitioner who is an Immersion Program Graduate → RobynGobbel.com/Directory Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/samething Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • September 1 · 35 min

    EP 281: What I Wanted Every Kid in My Office to Know

    My guiding north star when I was a therapist working with kids (and grown-ups) was always helping them not just get to know their brain and how it works, but actually to develop a relationship with the parts of themselves that seemed to always be getting into trouble. It's not really just brain facts that are helpful to kids. Teaching them about their brain creates the possibility that they can develop a new relationship with their brain- and that’s where the real magic starts to happen. In this episode you'll learn: Why understanding your kid's brain matters less than helping them build an actual relationship with it — one held by compassion and curiosity instead of judgment What integration of consciousness and state integration mean, and why flexibility between an owl, watchdog, and possum state (or whatever your family calls them) is the real marker of change Why modeling this with your own watchdog and possum first gives your kid permission to risk doing the same I’m teaching a live webinar on how to actually do this with your own kids on September 8 — and if you're already part of The Club, it's included, no extra registration needed. Resources mentioned in this podcast: Online Training! Teach Kids About Their Owl, Watchdog & Possum Brain! → RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/relationshiptobrain Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #280
    August 25 · 53 min

    EP 280: Either You Co-Regulate or You De-Escalate: An Interview with Chrissy D’Agostino

    You've probably heard "a dysregulated adult can't co-regulate a child" a hundred times. But if you've ever been stuck in a store with a screaming kid — or a classroom with 17 screaming kids — and zero bandwidth left, you know how useless that advice can feel in the moment. This episode is a conversation with Chrissy D'Agostino, co-author of the new Early Years Guidebook from the Regulated Classroom, about what to do when you're with a dysregulated child, and you're dysregulated too. You’ll hear practical ideas that are actually helpful for a stressed and tapped-out grown-up. In this episode, you will learn: Why relying so heavily on your voice and your words all day is quietly wearing down your nervous system The four practices (connectors, activators, settlers, affirmations) that help widen everyone's window of tolerance, at home or in the classroom Why "meet the moment" is a more useful goal than "manage the outcome" Resources mentioned in this podcast: The Regulated Classroom → Regulated Classroom Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/earlyyears Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #279
    August 18 · 39 min

    EP 279: Is There a Behavior Intervention Flowchart??

    You want the flowchart. Of course you do! If X, then Y would be something to follow when there's no bandwidth left to think it through in the moment. But there isn't a flowchart, and this episode gets into why: stress capacity shifts by the hour, different nervous system states pull different memory networks online, and two nervous systems are shaping each other in real time, not just one. What there is instead is a map. Knowing both how to read it and how to adjust when something unexpected happens is crucial. In this episode you'll learn: Why a flowchart for dysregulated behavior is neurobiologically impossible Why the strategy that worked yesterday isn't working today Why the goal isn't figuring out the exact reason behind a behavior; it's staying curious instead of certain Resources mentioned in this podcast: Stealing {EP 138} → RobynGobbel.com/stealing Lying, Stealing, Regression & Baby Talk {EP 222} → RobynGobbel.com/babytalk Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/flowchart Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #278
    August 11 · 39 min

    EP 278: So Many Services! How to Prioritize?

    OT on Tuesday, a speech eval callback on Wednesday, play therapy on Thursday, a school meeting on Friday that's really just another appointment in disguise. When the calendar starts looking like a second job, the question that actually matters isn't a number — it's whether all of it is moving your family toward regulation, connection, and felt safety, or quietly draining it. This episode walks through how to prioritize when everything's been recommended, and nothing fits, when it's genuinely okay to pause the therapy someone called non-negotiable, and why supporting your own nervous system might be the highest-leverage intervention in the whole house. In this episode you'll learn: How to tell whether your family's current appointment load is building felt safety or quietly working against it A framework for prioritizing between recommended therapies when you can't do all of them, including what to weigh beyond which one "sounds" most important Why pausing or delaying a therapy you've been told is essential isn't neglect Why your own support sometimes needs to move to the top of the list Resources mentioned in this podcast: The Brain Science Behind Your Child's Biggest Behaviors→ RobynGobbel.com/brainseries A NeuroDevelopmental Approach {EP 47} → RobynGobbel.com/neurodevelopmentalapproach 20 Non-Therapy Therapeutic Interventions → RobynGobbel.com/therapeuticinterventions Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/somanyservices Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • August 4 · 50 min

    Ep 277: This Kind of Shame Doesn't Heal Alone: A Parent Guest

    So many struggling and overwhelmed parents feel like their biggest problems are their kids' behaviors and the chaos that's taking over their family. This week's guest, a longtime Club member, talks about how she slowly came to realize that what she really needed to focus on wasn't strategies to change her kids' behavior, but experiences that would soften the shame she was carrying. This guest bravely shares that her shame didn't soften on her own. It took showing up in community with other parents who were honest about their own mess and who received her without judgment, over and over, before she could start offering herself that same compassion. In this episode you'll learn: Why self-compassion is almost impossible to build alone How this mom's own regulation changed before her kids' behavior did What it sounds like when your kids start offering that same compassion back to you — and to themselves Read the full transcript at: URL goes here Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • July 28 · 34 min

    EP 276: Cues of Safety: How to Help when Nothing is Ever Right

    Every morning (or afternoon or evening) feels like just one long stream of complaints. Breakfast isn’t right, the bowl isn’t right, SOMETHING is always not right, and no matter what gets fixed, it’s never right enough. ^That perfectly describes a nervous system stuck in protection mode. This week’s episode explores how and why nervous systems get stuck and practical ways you can help- even when NOTHING you do seems to help. In this episode you will learn: Why your child's reaction is almost never about the thing they're reacting to What it means for the past to show up as a "tsunami" in the present moment Three simple places to start dropping in more felt safety today, even before anything else changes Next month in The Club we’re hosting a workshop so we can all get together, pull out the Grow Your Child’s Owl Brain with Cues of Safety workbook, and make a real plan for how to increase safety in your child’s stream of the NOW - which eventually does calm the tsunami in the stream of the past Resources mentioned in this podcast: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3)→ RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1 All Behavior Makes Sense → RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessense Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cuesofsafety Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #275
    July 21 · 40 min

    EP 275: Does Lowering Demands Ever Cause More Stress?

    Screens. Sugar. Anything that feels really good. The advice to just "lower the demand" can fall really short because for some kids, more access brings real relief. But for others, more access actually causes more stress and we wind up asking kids to take on a responsibility that is beyond their developmental capacity. This episode digs into what's actually generating the stress underneath the behavior, and what it looks like when a kid needs to be held steady instead of shifting our expectations. In this episode you will learn: Why high-reward things like screens carry their own built-in stress, and how that changes the question of whether to give more access or less What it looks like when a kid needs the burden of managing something taken off their shoulders entirely How to tell if a boundary is actually working: not whether your kid protests, but which direction things are trending over time If this is landing for you and you want to map this out for your own kid, come join us in The Club. Our resource library and our members will help you map your child’s nervous system, troubleshoot things when they don’t seem to be getting any better, and show you how to take care of yourself in the middle of all of it. Resources mentioned in this podcast: Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/enabling Exploring Low Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/lowdemand Stress Response System → RobynGobbel.com/stressresponse Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/morestress Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • July 14 · 44 min

    EP 274: The Only Three Things You Actually Need to Remember

    Every behavior. Every parenting moment that feels impossible. It all comes back to three sentences — the three core tenets that distill how relational neuroscience makes sense of behavior and give us a roadmap toward change. This episode lays out the three truths underneath everything I do — this podcast, my books, The Club, the Immersion Program — and why they matter more than any single strategy ever could. Caring for kids with big, baffling behaviors is so overwhelming and confusing. Having an anchor is non-negotiable. In this episode you'll learn: The three sentences that hold up this entire framework and sum up what behavior really is Why Social Baseline Theory says your nervous system was never built to carry hard moments alone How these three truths can help in the middle of a meltdown — with your kid, with yourself, with anyone you love who's having a hard time You don't have to hold onto these truths by yourself. That's what The Club is for! Resources mentioned in this podcast: Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/threethings Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #273
    July 7 · 38 min

    EP 273: What this Framework Asks of Helpers

    You know that kid who just can't stay in the therapy room? They leave, wander around, get into things that aren't theirs, or are maybe even destructive? And three therapists have already called it quits. Maybe this describes your kid. Maybe this describes the kids you work with. This episode is for both of you. The helper who is trying to be with this kid, wondering what they're doing wrong. The helper who is working with a furious or checked-out parent — because it's the same question. But this episode is for the parent of that kid, too. In this episode you will learn: Why saying yes to this work means saying yes to dysregulation — kid dysregulation, parent dysregulation, all of it What it looks like to stay regulated next to someone else's protection mode, whether that's a kid on a windowsill or a parent saying nothing is working Why a helper- or a parent- can't do this alone; and how being met with regulation yourself is what makes it possible to offer it to someone else. Come find your people — the ones who get how hard and how worth it this work is. If you’re a parent or caregiver, join us in The Club at robyngobbel.com/theclub If you’re a helper and want to be included in my database of professionals trained in my framework, apply for the immersion program at https://RobynGobbel.com/immersion Resources mentioned in this podcast: Reframing Resistance → https://robyngobbel.com/training/reframing-resistance/RobynGobbel.com/starthere Immersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersion Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/helperframework Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • June 30 · 39 min

    EP 272: Where Do I Even Start? A Brand New Listener's Roadmap

    When life is overwhelming and your kid's behavior makes no sense — and feels like it's getting worse — even the best resources get hard to use. You're too dysregulated to sort through 270 episodes or an almost 300-page book to figure out where to start. Of course you are. This episode breaks down why you freeze in the face of new information, or end up just begging someone to tell you what to do — plus a personal story about learning that the hard way, and the actual order to work through instead. In this episode, you’ll learn Why "I don't even know where to start" is a regulation problem wearing a content problem's clothes Why more information stopped being the answer at a certain point, and what had to happen instead The exact order to work through first — and which of three free roadmaps actually matches where you are right now Resources mentioned in this podcast: Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/WhereDoIStart Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • June 23 · 44 min

    EP 271: 4 Functions of Behavior, FBAs, and a Nervous System Approach

    For years, "the four functions of behavior" has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It's not wrong, but it's not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what's underneath it once we go looking with a relational neuroscience lens. In this episode, you'll learn: Where the four functions of behavior actually came from, and why this is relevant Why naming a behavior's "function" and saying it started in the nervous system aren't competing ideas — they're just two different layers of the same truth What's actually underneath attention-seeking, escape, tangible-seeking, and sensory behavior - and how to start identifying the missing skill that can be scaffolded Resources Mentioned on the Podcast All Behavior Makes Sense ep. 198 When it’s not Working ep 261 The Club (membership community + troubleshooting worksheet) Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/behaviorfunction Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #270
    June 16 · 42 min

    EP 270: What is Your Kid's Nervous System Predicting? (Part 3 of 3)

    We've been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we're doing the detective work: what is your specific child's nervous system actually predicting? In This Episode Three detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child's stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors are actually protecting against Why you don't have to get the detective work exactly right, because the mismatched experience that changes the brain is almost always the same thing no matter what prediction is running How your working theory about your child's nervous system changes something in you first, and why this is so important (but also, no pressure. We’re all doing the best we can) Resources Mentioned Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook The Club — robyngobbel.com/theclub Immersion Program for Professionals — robyngobbel.com/immersion Part 1 of this series: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck Part 2 of this series: What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/predicting Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • June 9 · 35 min

    EP 269: What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors (Part 2 of 3)

    Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We're diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part - shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense. In this episode you'll learn: Why your child's dysregulation isn't the obstacle to healing; it's actually the doorway to it The two mechanisms that change sticky behaviors at the neurological level, why one creates the conditions for the other, and why neither of them will look like anything is working for a long time What it actually means to stay regulated during your child's hardest moments Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/changesticky Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
Showing 1–20 of 30 episodes