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Smeared Mascara

Smeared Mascara Podcast

"Laugh with us, cry with us, smear your mascara with us."

This podcast is hosted by longtime friends, Mandy and Brooke who have been born and bred in the San Francisco Bay Area. These ladies love themselves some pop culture and drama which probably stems from their latchkey kid beginnings. Their main news source is social media but their strong opinions always find their way into the conversation. The topics are fueled by unmedicated ADHD and the language is always spicy. So sit back and listen to your new favorite pop culture podcast, Smeared Mascara!

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21 episodes
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Avg 1 hr 1 min
English

Episodes 21

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Friday · 1 hr 15 min
I could go for a seven day coma
Send us Fan Mail The hoochie mamas are back and ready to entertain! Brooke gives us the 411 on the Lindsay Clancy trial, Bama Rush Tok, and our independent news angel Aaron Parnas. There’s also mention of an avoided cooch catastrophe. Mandy describes her astrological disappointments, family miscommunication, and surviving an Oakland estuary boat ride. Disclaimer: At the time of recording, there was still no sign of Mitch aka Hot Wheels 2.0 who throws up the peace sign like his soul depends on it. Rated RTV for Register to Vote TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E30
August 26 · 1 hr 2 min
Hot Dog Foreplay
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to your favorite unhinged pop culture podcast. This episode starts off strong with boofing. Not sure what it is? Clench those booty checks because you’re gonna learn today. The ladies provide some parenting advice per a listener’s request. Disclaimer: Brooke and Mandy are far from perfect parents and certainly aren’t experts. Please consult professionals for serious parenting concerns. You’re welcome. Concert venues are discussed. Yes, there is a time in one’s life when lawn seats are no longer an option, and overpriced alcohol is a necessity. Cheers! All this and so much more on this episode of Smeared Mascara. Rated RIPD for Rest In Peace Dolly TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E29
August 4 · 1 hr 28 min
Meat
Send us Fan Mail This is the post July 4th episode. The US turned 250 and we still don’t care. Mitch McConnell was (and still is) missing. Has anyone checked the morgue? Brooke fills us in on her out of state adventure to Colorado, the centennial state. Turns out there’s more than just mountains there. Mandy shares her quick trip to the Big D, Disneyland. Yes, she’s a weird Disney adult. The ladies discuss tattoos and piercings. Sadly, Brooke is no longer considering a tattoo inspired by sisterly love. Also, Mandy is a dumbass when it comes to nose jewelry. All this and so much more on this episode of Smeared Mascara! Rated PQ for Perimenopausal Queens TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E28
July 30 · 1 hr 6 min
Point of No Return
Send us Fan Mail First of all, back up. Personal space needs to be respected. Second of all, back up more. The ladies of Smeared Mascara are coming in hot. Politics, religion, and finances anyone?? Pick a topic, any topic and we can bitch about it. Brooke tells us about She Week in Las Vegas, and how Flava Flav definitely knows what time it is. Yeahhh boyeeee! Mandy shares how she survived secondhand smoke, and how she missed the World Cup Half Time Show. The Muppets need a better publicist. So turn down the treble and pump that bass. It’s time for Smeared Mascara. Rated FMM for Find Mitch McConnell TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E27
July 10 · 1 hr 9 min
Before Her Titties Sweat Off
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to your favorite pop culture pod, Smeared Mascara. This week the ladies come in hot with strong, chlorinated opinions. It’s summer, they’re perimenopausal, and lethal. Brooke reminisces about her childhood and the significance of daytime soaps. Whatchu know about Port Charles in the 80s??? The latest Netflix documentary about a post-hysterectomy pregnancy is discussed. These are starting to sound like Maury Povich episodes. Mandy shares a Father’s Day glizzy story, and the reality of a local Walmart parking lot. So put on your shin guards and enjoy this episode. Balls are flying and presidents are lying. It’s the World Cup and the USA’s 250th. What a time to barely be alive! Rated HNDY for He’s Not Dead Yet (if you don’t know who, you probably don’t belong here) TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E26
June 25 · 1 hr 16 min
Slam Pig Summer
Send us Fan Mail It’s summertime and it’s slammin’. In case you couldn’t tell, we’re still in our Rhode Island slang era. The pod took a few weeks off between recordings. There is so much to catch up on in this episode. TV, socials, slang, concerts and more! This week you’ll hear about Brooke’s mortal enemy on the softball field… the sun. Can we get a quality sunscreen sponsor up in here, please? These middle age mamacitas could use some help. Fraxel anyone? The ladies chat about the ending of Euphoria without sharing spoilers. Yes, it can be done. There is a heated debate regarding Hunter Schafer and Alex Consani. They are in fact two different people, and both are hawt. Grab your full length mirrors and get ready for another episode of Smeared Mascara! “This is a good pod, Savannah.” Rated BC for Bald Caps TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E15
June 9 · 1 hr 2 min
Slam Pig!
Send us Fan Mail Time to treat your ear drums to another episode of Smeared Mascara. This week you’ll hear about Starbuck’s inconsistent customer service. All we want is a hello and maybe a smile, ummmmkaaaayyy? Brooke shares her Florence and the Machine concert experience. Apparently Flo didn’t publicize the dress code. Not everyone wears flowy dresses to a concert, Flo. Mandy hopes for the opportunity to see Kesha live with feathers in her hair and a star painted on her eye. The ladies get in depth about the Netflix show The Crash. Yes, there will be spoilers. Duuuhhh! Lastly, Mandy shares the latest in the Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Who knew that such a tiny state could be so iconic? So make sure your streaming subscriptions are current, and your chakras are aligned. Rated LAGB for Losers Always Get Boo’d (especially at the NBA Finals) TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E14
June 1 · 59 min
Cheers To The Next Attempt
Send us Fan Mail Hello friends and loyal listeners! It’s your favorite pod duo, Brooke and Mandy. In this episode you’ll hear us talk about another assassination attempt on the president. Can you believe how many times this man has cheated death? It’s quite impressive! There’s NO WAY any of this could be fake. We touch on the biggest breakup of the spring season, Meg & Klay. Some people need more than a talented, educated woman to remain monogamous. Also discussed are our latest tv choices like Euphoria and Love on the Spectrum. Are you watching either of these socially iconic shows? We sincerely hope so. It’s time for you to put on some cutoff denim shorts and wrestle a snake like RFK, because Smeared Mascara is bringing the heat. Rated SSB for Sizzler Salad Bar TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E13
May 14 · 1 hr 6 min
There's Only Two Folds I Care About
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Smeared Mascara. This week Brooke and Mandy talk about their activity levels during the golden age of FitBits, a trip to SoCal, and week one of Coachella. As always, there is an update on the latest government drama. What will Kash Money freak out about next? Will another movie “inspire” a bible quote used in a speech? Kiss or Miss is back! Hear what the ladies are down for, and what is on the way out. All this and so much more on this episode of Smeared Mascara! Rated FMB for Foul Mouth Bitches TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E12
May 5 · 1 hr 5 min
Pantyhose and Ham
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to another episode of Smeared Mascara! Our technical department has been hard at work clearing storage and procuring new equipment to bring you more podcast gold. This week you’ll hear all about Easter plans and the lack of Instagram-able moments, fierce ass women in sports, high school drama, and how the political state of the US is still gross. So break open those L’eggs pantyhose and serve yourself a plate of ham, because Brooke and Mandy are serving you podcast cuntiness. Rated AIS for AI Sucks TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E11
April 14 · 1 hr 2 min
“Episode One, Season One”
Send us Fan Mail It’s time for your regular dose of Smeared Mascara! This week you’ll hear the latest about the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Drama moves faster than a Mormon engagement in MomTok World. Brooke and Mandy also talk about aging and the loss of one’s independence, TikTok content creation as an income stream, and upcoming protests. Of course there is major discussion about cats because our feline children are our lives. Meow, bitches. So grab yourself a dirty soda from Swig and get cozy! Smeared Mascara starts NOW. Rated WWJAD for When Was Jesus A Doctor? TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E10
March 29 · 1 hr 21 min
Misophonia and Other Complaints
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Smeared Mascara. This week you’ll hear Brooke and Mandy discuss more Mormon Wives drama. It never ends with these people! The hookups, the breakups… the content creation! The ladies get in depth about iPhone storage and the scam of it all. Can we just go back to landlines and note passing? You’ll also hear about the local St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans, a de-transitioning situation, and social media restaurant reviews triggering misophonia. This is an episode you won’t want to miss! Rated NKYQ for No Kings Yass Queens TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E9
March 13 · 1 hr 4 min
Hashtag Hoe Weekend
Send us Fan Mail Pack your bags, hoochies! We are going on a virtual weekend trip for the harlots, hoes, tramps, and hussies. Those who are skank-curious are also welcome. As always, Brooke and Mandy comment on the current state of our federal dumpster fire. Please don’t stand too close to the toxic flames. The ladies make some consumer confessions during Kiss or Miss. Find out just how long the financial grudges are being held. Also hear how easy it is to make protest signs! You probably have most of these things in your little thotty workshops. So put on your sunscreen and hydrate because it’s time for a long overdue audio trip to Whore-ville. Rated GBPM for Gator Belts & Patty Melts (and Monte Carlos) TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E8
March 7 · 50 min
It's Not Quite A Cleveland Steamer
Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to another riveting episode of Smeared Mascara! This week you’ll hear about world news interpreted by two middle aged MILFs, the latest sporty spice happenings, and another installment of Kiss or Miss. Drop us a line to let us know where you stand on cannabis use at youth sporting events, and give us your opinion on open communication in the beauty industry. So grab a cocktail and/or a carbonated drink, and get comfy because you’re about enjoy Brooke and Mandy’s podcast spectacular! Rated SSO for Stunna Shades On TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E7
February 26 · 1 hr 1 min
Winners Want to Shoot Themselves in the Weiners
Send us Fan Mail It may seem like you’re hearing about the Olympics and Bad Bunny everywhere. This episode of Smeared Mascara is no exception. Listen to Brooke and Mandy give a recap of their Super Bowl Sundays. You’ll hear about food, fun and of course the halftime show. ¡Guepa! You’ll also get the 411 about an Olympic skier’s alleged attempt at “inflating” his score. You won’t want to skip this episode because unlike the State of the Union address, it’s entertaining. Rated GM & PRP for Gold Medals and Puerto Rican Papis TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E6
February 19 · 55 min
Relational Nutrients
Send us Fan Mail Bust out the pen and paper or open up that Notes app, because Smeared Mascara is helping you get your life together. You’ll hear how you can get shit done with a little help from your homies. In this episode you’ll also hear Brooke and Mandy’s opinions on Grammy fashion. Did they watch the show? Nope. Are they gonna judge it? Yup. The ladies will also let you know how they feel about the latest developments in the disgusting Ep Files. Just when you think these people can’t get any worse, they do. Rated PBS for Pam Bondi Sucks TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E4
February 12 · 47 min
Cold As Balls
Send us Fan Mail Brrrr, it’s cold in here. Feels like Smeared Mascara in the atmosphere! In this week’s episode you’ll hear how Brooke and Mandy are purging clutter for the new year. Look for an influx of disco balls and fur coats at secondhand stores near you! Also discussed is how the Bay Area is pre-gaming for the Super Bowl. There’s plenty to do if you didn’t get tickets to the game. So get that crock pot going and pour in some nacho cheese because it’s time to snack while Brooke and Mandy talk smack. Rated BB for Benito Bowl TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E3
February 5 · 41 min
The Spice Girls
Send us Fan Mail Remember that time at your wedding when that famous singer called you out onto the dance floor and your mother-in-law rushed out and started dancing inappropriately with your husband? Well we weren’t there but we love seeing the memes about the Beckham wedding! Welcome back to another episode of Smeared Mascara where Brooke and Mandy hyper focus on pop culture’s latest obsession. You will hear Brooke’s re-entry into the Sporty Spice World and how that could affect your favorite softball event, the Mary Nutter Classic. The ladies will interpret Brooklyn Beckham’s now infamous Instagram story about his wedding reception and the likely beef between his mama and the bride. So get ready for a sweet and spicy episode of Smeared Mascara! Rated SC for Super Chismosas TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E2
January 30 · 39 min
It’s fine. Everything is fine.
Send us Fan Mail Join Brooke and Mandy as they discuss pop culture and yucky politics. You’ll hear a riveting conversation about the movie Anaconda, birthday parties, and the latest in this country’s fuckery So give us a listen if you need a break from reality. Sometimes all you can do is laugh when things are this bad. We really are a good time! For realsies! Rated DFA for Dumpster Fire Awareness TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel
S4 · E1
January 15 · 41 min
Snap That Wiener
Send us Fan Mail Happy New Year from Smeared Mascara! Brooke and Mandy are entering 2026 in an organized and clear fashion. The ladies have some goals that are going to help them thrive in this new era of life. Listen as they share ideas that will hopefully inspire you to live a cuntier life. Of course there are side conversations to hear, and duh, frankfurters are discussed… but would you expect anything else from these hot dawg queens??? So please hydrate and watch your sodium intake because Smeared Mascara is coming ‘atcha! Rated NYSB for New Year Same Bitches TikTok Instagram YouTube Channel

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