Slop Quest

All Things Comedy

Welcome to Slop Quest! A show so ridiculous it'll feel like your brain got kicked in the nutz. Hosted by Ryan O'Neill and Andrew DeWitt.

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#149
Yesterday · 1 hr 3 min
Slop quest 149 Low Level Crazies
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan gets accosted by a lady hell bent on celebrity love. Then they rip on dues and ladies publicly hitting on people in replies on social media and the total lack of personal accountability by insane people. Andy and Ryan talk about how to build an egalitarian society where everyone’s a social loser. Their solution: tall muscular ladies who intimidate female stalkers and more roasting of reply guys. A lady tries to pay Andy for art in used panties but Andy likes being able to pay rent. Then they come up with a business idea for detectives who solve alcohol deaths. Then they talk about how bad Ryan would be as a police negotiator. The boys then talk about how bad of deal statistically reincarnation is. Andy plugs Gnostic Christianity to a surprisingly receptive Ryan. Andy introduces Ryan to a 90’s preacher who thinks Pokémon is satanic. Then the boys rip on religious math nonsense. A schizophrenic guy gives Ryan a dire warning while he’s hiking. Then they come up with grocery store dildo pranks. Ryan calls Bang Bus the “Blair Witch Project” of porn. Andy drinks magnesium before bed and it gives him crazy dreams then feels betrayed by Ryan who initially recommended it to him and is now gaslighting him. The. Andy has a harrowing experience on the Facebook Buy Nothing group and it’s so humiliating Ryan can hardly listen to it.
#148
September 14 · 1 hr 2 min
Slop Quest 148 Butt Spit Take
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy starts eating eggs when he runs out of tofu and quickly realizes his stomach can no longer process it. Ryan muses on pumping meat sauce down his bathroom sink and wiping with aluminum foil. Andy figures out why tits are growing out of his ass then has a meltdown trying to paint titties on a pin up statuette. Ryan figures out a business idea for being a tit doctor that only works on strippers. The boys talk about the legal loopholes for bottom nudity in states that make it illegal. The boys then come up with an idea for “educational strip clubs” where you have to stay in the club until you answer anatomy questions. Andy recommends that Ryan respond to messages from his ex for the lols. Then they talk about the cyclical nature of idiotic relationships. Andy has a revelation about his relationship and Ryan forgets that he kissed Andy’s belly. Andy pitches a podcast where he does bits with his wife while they fuck and Ryan is behind a screen also doing bits. They talk about the robot lady who shocks Trump while he’s sleeping during a press conference. Ryan worries that using Chinese stars to defend his apartment. There’s some human hunting talk and wasting helicopter fuel watching ladies sunbathe naked on Los Angeles roofs. Then they fantasize about Andy being a race car driver who eats chicken wings and shits through a hole in the car floor during races.
#147
September 7 · 1 hr 5 min
Slop Quest 147 Legal Debate
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest The boys open the show with impressions of Sean Connery being racist. This leads to garrison Keillor impressions. There’s some medi-evac talk. Then they talk about how bad they would both be as spies. Then they talk about why fighter pilots need two people in the cockpit: to operate the cd player and George Formen grills. Ryan insists that scientists don’t know how wings work. Then they come up with a curriculum for fighter pilot school. Andy blows Ryan’s mind with the idea of a “provisional license” and is finally proven right on a fact. Ryan reveals that he would be a bad father because he wouldn’t let his kid touch his Porsche posters with syrup all over their hands. Ryan then invents a shower bidet that’s just a slightly smaller shower for your ass. Andy falls in love with Sword and Buckler while Ryan makes fun of his “tiny little shield”. Ryan, Andy and Google AI get into a heated argument about Bang Bus. This leads to an argument over the legality of blasting fuck noises on giant speakers throughout a neighborhood. This leads to a crash out where Ryan tells google Ai that Andy has an iq of 82. This crescendos with Andy absolutely losing his shit on Ryan and screaming at him.
#146
August 31 · 1 hr 2 min
Slop Quest 146 Delta Hate
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest The boys talk about the absurd Texas crack down on Delta -8 THC then Andy worries about Ryan being a bad boy. Ryan insists that street fighting is the dumbest idea. Andy figures out a way to charm his way out of crime. Andy reveals the shocking truth about Bang Bus to a heartbroken Ryan and the shocking legal case that decided it. Ryan then reveals the macabre realities of living on a farm. Andy uncovers the truth about lab grown meat to a disgusted Ryan and they milk this disgusting bit forever…and the facts are truly disgusting and unsettling.
#145
August 24 · 1 hr
Slop Quest 145 Hillary Buff
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan accuses Andy of being too horny to drive and then recounts a time one of his buddies wrecked his car looking at a hot chick. Andy gets bamboozled by a monster hog at a stoplight. Ryan tries a fake Andy out with a bogus The Rock Mandela effect. Andy gets confused about when to record and sleeps in. Ryan imagines Los Angeles delivery robots offing themselves due to traffic on the 405. Ryan roasts Andy for how he handles podcasting solo. Andy has a dream about seeing the pods from The Matrix. Ryan asserts that he would fight the robot overlords and Andy would sell out humanity for big butts. Ryan comes up with an idea for an app that forces important emails into the spam folder to CYA. Andy gets a comment from long time listener, “Bloody Turd”. Andy and Ryan dissect thirsty Reddit comments. Ryan fantasizes about writing a pickup artist book. Ryan finds out that Hillary Duff is jacked now. Ryan then roasts Andy’s google investigation skills. Andy is not impressed with Ryan’s “Hema, more like FEMA” wordplay. RFJ Jr. starts a “cheap food” cooking show. Los Angeles starts to feel the pressure as all the pipes from 1914 start to burst. Andy’s buddy tries to make a candle out of George Foreman beef grease. Andy ruins the shared waffle maker by trying to make protein powder waffles. The boys bring back some Garrison Keillor impressions. Ryan tries to come up with his boxing name. Andy recommends the Netflix anime, Chainsmoker Cat. Then Andy gets into a Pluderhosen argument post hema.
#144
August 17 · 1 hr 1 min
Slop Quest 144 Jerry’s Funeral
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan and Andy address some good and bad comments. Andy hears from an old Beach Cops host and it’s actually pretty nice. An episode of Slop Quest comes on Andy’s car stereo at a bad time. Ryan suggests more baby doll chicanery and Andy isn’t having it. Andy goes to Jerry’s funeral and Big Earl Skakel surprises Andy from behind by heckling heartfelt speakers directly into Andy’s ear and it’s so inappropriate and hilarious that Andy has to stare at the floor the entire time. Comedians come out of the woodwork to talk about Jerry’s passing without realizing Jerry hated them. Earl comments on the quality of the babes at Jerry’s funeral and Andy and Mike Black eat an entire plate of pizza at the memorial. Earl then talks about how big his dick is in the middle of the service. Andy finds his old martial arts supply catalogue and Ryan and him reminisce about the “Ninja Industry”. Ryan loses all his Chinese stars at airport security and it puts a heavy dent in his collection. Ryan has a Mandela effect for “infront”as one word. Ryan has to review video footage of his kitchen to remember he turned off the stove. Ryan has a problem with teenagers and their confidence with their ideas. Andy comes up with a new comic idea where witches can only cast spells via their farts and Ryan roasts the shit out of him. Ryan tries to convince Andy to change the title. Ryan pitches his karate microdrama where he does karate from a wheelchair.
August 10 · 55 min
Slop Quest 143 Feels Good
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest The show starts with some handsome boy talk and Andy is nervous that Ryan has norovirus but Ryan insists it’s just food poisoning. The boys debate Diarhea vs puking and the social stigmas associated with each one. Ryan finds a hospital vomit accordion. There’s some debate about the romance of farting in front of your partner. Andy confuses Ryan with an incoherent text confirming recording. Andy’s hema class goes dark because they weren’t fighting hard enough to trigger the motion censor. Then he gets hit with a basketball while doing sword fighting. Ryan figures out his food poisoning came from a doodie coconut. Andy breaks down how to get a sanitary slurpee at 7-11. Then Andy talks about the new opera based homeless deterrent conscience stores are using. Ryan has another Mandela Meltdown about a Moonpie. Andy sees some amazing background actor bullshit. Ryan shares some Scary Perry extra stories. Andy meets a parent who only feeds her kid go-gurt and Uncrustables. Ryan talks about how skinny people were in the 70’s. Then Ryan talks about a special code of conduct with the mafia. Then they roast that dude who;s trying to live forever with vitamins. Then Ryan pitches putting the “interesting” guy from Love On The Spectrum together with the guy who’s trying to live forever as a reality show. Then Andy and Ryan pitch a fitness based pizza company called “Medical Pizzas”. Andy has a rabbit based psychic attack in his dreams. Then they roast boys are shocked at how much wearing a suit changes things. Then they worry about people overhearing the phrase , “mothman eating pussy”. Then Andy absolutely loses it at the idea of Ryan treating him well.
#142
August 3 · 57 min
Slop Quest 142 Shamilton Billionaire Beef
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy realizes he’s about to be friends with a lot more furries. Ryan talks about how difficult it is for him to be attracted to women in giant costumes with a butt flap. Then Ryan proposes a WW2 musical that Andy finds dubious at best. There’s a lot of “rhyming only one word” musical improv. Ryan is convinced that the idea is “gold”. However, some of the lyrics are…not great. Andy listens to his own show more and realizes apple podcasts comes up with titles for each segment on the show. Zuckerberg tries to make his own beef and this makes Ryan furious. There’s a lot boys reminisce about how we used to tenderize meat. Andy tries to invent a sniffing only bordello while Ryan tries to invent discount call girls. Ryan asks Andy what he would do with “evil billionaire money” and it’s so unhinged that ryan gets scared. Andy then decides he will hire Ryan to do all the interviews for him as a billionaire while armed and speaking only in rhymes. Then Ryan describes genitalia in the single dumbest way anyone has ever heard. Then Ryan suggests that Andy hire John C Reilly to play Dr. Steve Brule 24/7 on his mega yacht. Then Ryan wants to open “The O’Neills Presidential Library” that’s just car magazines with a special section where only Ryan is allowed to touch the “good ones”. Then Ryan tries to convince any to build a giant oil pipeline that drains Mars or a village of kids with great hair that billionaires can use for wigs. Then the boys have more voicemail reviews of “Morning Glory Milking Farm”.
#141
July 27 · 59 min
Slop Quest 141 Sweet Berries
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy remembers an old racy flyer he wanted to make for his old sketch troupe. Ryan has a bone to pic with French authors and doesn’t hold back. Ryan won’t even fist bump anymore and Andy filters out a related term on social media so he doesn’t see it. Ryan tries to defend Denzel Washington’s character in “Philadelphia”. Andy compares the movie to “Dumb and Dumber” and shocks Ryan with the fact that Antonio Banderas was in Playgirl. Andy and Ryan come up with a new format for a movie review show. Ryan talks about more childhood vandalism and they imagine him as a famous film maker being interviewed by Terry Gross again. Andy gets a series of truly unhinged voicemails with a review of “Morning Glory Milking Farm” and the boys lose their minds. The boys start with a review of part 2 “Sweet Berries” and Ryan cannot believe what he’s hearing. The story revolves around a “social media manager” for a berry farm who can’t get her libido under control. Ryan has an idea for life size dragon companion doll.
#140
July 20 · 58 min
Slop Quest 140 Dream Echoes
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy has super stupid dream about echoes inspired by late night Slop Quest listening. Then they skewer the business of “dream interpretation”. This leads to Ryan revealing his insane dreams about Al Pacino having big boobs. Andy gets kicked out of therapy for talking about hema and figures out how to get around AI guardrails using linguistic tricks. Andy finds an Instagram account where boomers get tricked into leaving lewd comments on AI videos with their full legal names and get roasted. Andy celebrates his anniversary with Kroger sushi and ice cream. Then there’s more Mandela Effect stuff with “Gorton’s” fish sticks. The boys talk about new Los Angeles fires, this time with toxic smoke! Andy sees an old guy doing something crazy at a nursing home in a window. Then the boys talk about what to save money for when you’re old. Andy sees a 90 year old lady in a thong get into a hot tub at an old folks home across from a much shittier old folks home. Andy finds a hilarious video of Hedonism 2 of a a hilarious guy with a tiny weiner. Ryan thinks that “big condom” has “inflated the mythology of their effectiveness”. The. Work on some new Jimmy Buffet songs like “Sloppers & Sarongs” inspired by Hedonism 2. An Air Canada pilot files 900 flights without a license and Ryan gives him props. Listeners start getting psychic attacks again. An uncle dies and insists his money only be used on trolling. Andy shows his kid the Rambo trailer then immediately shows her the Rambo tricycle for kids commercial and it’s hilarious.
#139
July 13 · 57 min
Slop Quest 139 Fire in My Hole
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan insist his brain is mush because he left a spoon in the blender for five minutes. Andy comes to terms with his subconscious chaos creation. Ryan fantasizes about being a vampire while they fight over who’s classier. Ryan is glad his d*ldo is covered in mustard stains so that he can identify it in a line up. Then he insists Andy would love the smell of the Middle Ages. Andy has his gut flop out during hema sparring and shows Ryan the video proof. Ryan insists that this because The Lord is telling him he’s meant to be a buffoon. Andy asks Ryan for grappling advice. Andy gets mistaken for a homeless guy at an all you can eat buffet. Ryan and Andy talk about being told to change the subject at a restaurant by strangers. This reminds Ryan of find memories of his dad. Ryan mocks Andy’s love life but then gets sad about all the farts. Andy’s worried that he smells like garbage and tries to investigate it then he reveals the toy he wanted as a kid that caused him public shame.
July 6 · 1 hr 2 min
Slop Quest 138 Unmasked
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy can’t get sleep and Ryan berates him for his life decisions. Then he shows Ryan a video of a dude in a mask on Fox News and they pop their tin foil hats on to try and figure it. Ryan praises Andy’s lifestyle of painting comical 3-d printed dongs and podcasts for a living but dissects his total lack of boundaries. Then they pitch an idea for fake experts for news programs. Ryan doesn’t like relationships in Cameron Crowe movies. Ryan gets accosted by an overly friendly boomer while he’s taking a bike ride. Andy has a nightmare that everyone he knows has an Only Fans account and he hates it. The boys significant others enjoy leaving the window open during fires. Ryan’s friend loses all his hair after getting a transplant and gets roasted. Google replaces their dictionary with Ai and it’s hilarious. They talk about communists Russians having to share rifles in WWII. Then they deep dive on reality tv show cast members who;be un-alived themselves. Andy roasts Ryan about some serious humble bragging. Andy finds a hilarious video where a guy crashes out in VR chat and breaks his own hand. Ryan wishes he could get in on the VR chat trolling.
#137
June 29 · 53 min
137 Working Hard For The Money
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy gets a giant bruise on his bicep from hema. Then Ryan roasts him for sparring at a basketball court. Andy reveals that he sword fights with a Zynn in his mouth which gets properly attacked. The boys talk about the American elderly insanity problems. Ryan gets upset at boomers calling the police on kids playing outside. One of Andy’s friends is worried about being stabbed in Europe while never going to Europe. Andy’s extended family can’t stop falling for AI Slop. Ryan has a problem with Vince Neil and goes hard in the paint on him. Andy has an awkward but polite encounter with a celebrity in a strip club bathroom. Andy’s buddy shits his pants in the middle of the strip club then another friend looses his stripper girlfriend to Nicholas Cage. Ryan’s buddy gets a shut streak on his shirt from a lap dance. Andy sees a rural Chinese strip club that makes him horrifically sad. The boys experience the Mandela effect about mosquitoes. Andy blows Ryan’s mind with Oscar Mayer and it really bothers him. After the break the boys deep dive on the Dairy Queen menu ingredients and makes O’Neill sick which leads to hilarious antics.
#136
June 22 · 52 min
Slop Quest 136 Burning Calories
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan deletes another melody from Andy’s brain. The boys use the cost of pizza as a an economic barometer. They lament the cost of food trucks especially compared to brick and mortar restaurants. Then Ryan pitches the idea of a food truck that specializes in spaghetti sandwiches while Andy pitches a Twinkie based sandwich idea. Andy ruins the company YouTube algorithm with hema recommendations. They talk about using durian fruit skin as a hema helmet. Andy reveals the shocking truth behind how calories are actually made and it makes them question the entire science behind nutrition. Then O’Neill fantasizes about how hard Andy would freak out if he saw O’Neill get assassinated. Andy blows Ryan’s mind with stories about Jack Parsons and Ryan brags about sneaking into Devil’s Gate Dam. Ryan talks about how many people walk around with no conscious mind. Andy’s Three Musketeers painted hema mask is mistaken for the “Pringle’s Guy”. After the break the boys talk about China buying Detroit and Andy finds an unhinged Reddit post about a man who wants to bang his therapist and thinks he’s “done with therapy”.
#135
June 15 · 56 min
Slop Quest 135 Acquired Savant
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest A listener writes in that “O’Neill is always right” and it’s true. Then Ryan explains Elon’s trip to China. The boys then break down how little it would take them to to get “f- you” money. The boys come up with an idea for a house with tiny doors in all the walls to fix the pipes with ease. Then they talk about Japanese style sliding doors to access the pipes and electrical. O’Neill is plagued by giant cockroaches in Austin. Andrew does an impression of how white people politely ask someone to not steal their stuff. O’Neill is sick of “cancer awareness” stunts. Andy wants hospitals to give patients “to go bags”of leftover drugs. Ryan tries to invent an uncloggable toilet with garbage disposal. The boys then talk about starting a “comedy plumber” business to brighten people’s days. Then they talk about Ryan’s wish to be an “acquired savant” that he’s had since childhood. Andy wishes Ryan could play the piano and they come up with a video program for forcing people to become acquired savants by straining on the toilet. Andy tries to use his psychic powers to make Ryan’s D itch. Ryan remembers the lyrics to a song better than Andy and it’s devastating.
#134
June 8 · 56 min
Slop Quest 134 Stinkin’ Fart
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan opens the show with the hot take that he doesn’t really like Linkin Park. Then, Andy read an article where they said saying the “r word” comes at a “hefty price”. This leads to them crashing out about how the news is reported. There’s some Presidential scandals throughout history talk and Andy reveals more of the scam economy. It will infuriate you. The boys talk about LAX and how it might be a social experiment for how much humans will put up with. They also talk about American public toilet hygiene problems. Then they delve into why so many schizophrenia sufferers do stuff with doodie stuff. Then Andy explores the world of unhinged racist local business commercials. There’s some alien talk and the boys reveal the secret to keeping your wife attracted to you. Then they come up with a genius idea for custom hot wheels.
#133
June 1 · 1 hr
Slop Quest 133 Durian Ice Cream
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy and Ryan panic as the stream gets choppy then Andy gets a weird HR style email from some corporate dinguses. Ryan thinks there should be upper limit age restrictions to prevent old people losing their marbles. The boys talk about missionaries and why roasting LDS missionaries might be part of a larger plan. They then talk about church scams and boring services. Then they reminisce about door to door salesmen and losing money to Columbia House. Then Andy’s best friend sneaks a subscription to Playboy in order to get a keychain and gets busted by his parents. Then they talk about getting in massive trouble in school and the hell they put their parents through. Andrew falls down in front of his entire class wasted. Ryan fantasizes about being a woman and worries about what he said in another person’s podcast. Andy finds out about a dad’s pipe dream : a terrible Grinch 2 screenplay. O’Neill’s buddy tries to make “bathtub energy drinks” and a few of them go bad. Then they reminisce about the Jolt Cola days and soda brands testing out products on the student population. Ryan forces Andy to try Durian Ice cream live on the show and the results are hilarious. Andy and his family try weird Japanese chips and they do a deep dive on strange food flavors.
#132
May 25 · 59 min
Slop Quest 132 Looks Maxing
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy’s going through it but Ryan tries to cheer him up by telling him to start “bone smashing” for better “looks maxing” then out of nowhere Ryan brings up the Cinnamon Challenge which delights Andy because he just found a trap remix of a British man choking on cinnamon. Andy stays at “Hotel Crapula” in Texas and wears the skin off his toes snorkeling. The boys come up with governor water fountains for food and then realize what unmedicated schizophrenic people would do to them. The boys talk about the rising class of homeless millionaires once they figure out how many precious metals are sitting in data centers. Andy washes his hema gear with vodka and Ryan is convinced he’s just using it as an excuse to drink super cheap vodka. Ryan and Andy find waste management services to be highly suspect. Colorado gets rid of recycling to Ryan’s delight. Then Andy falls asleep listening to the fan reading of “Michael’s By The Sea” and wakes up and immediately writes a new scene for it leading to a potential sequel?
#131
May 18 · 52 min
Slop Quest 131 See Ya Later Alligator
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan verbally attacks voter registration workers then Andy gets cornered by hilt Mormons this leads to a “scientific discussion” by Ryan on religious inbreeding. Then Andy’s ex does some gross cousin stuff. Ryan then heavily censors a similar story mid sentence. The boys reminisce about trying to bang while full of thanksgiving dinner. Then Ryan forces Andy to tell him what kind of underwear he wears before telling him about a new robot suit fighting league. Then Andy updates Ryan on Lana Del Ray’s husband and new blue collar life. This delights Ryan to no end. Even more so when he finds out that their marriage infuriated Reddit Users. Ryan tells an inspirational story about a man within arms or legs that will warm your heart. Then the boys talk about 3d printing novelty doodie piles. Ryan shocks Andy with his love of libraries. Andy shares horror stories of library shenanigans. Then they come up with an insane way to get away with criminal tom foolery. Then Andy finds out the medical reason for his fetishes.
#130
May 11 · 56 min
Slop Quest 130 Aliens of New York
Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest The show starts with immediate chicanery from Ryan about Andrew’s art then immediately gets into the rise of New York City as #3 in alien abductions. Then Ryan wants to leave Andy in a field to see if he’ll get abducted. Then the boys review the new health psa about how healthy it is to crank the hog. Ryan gets angry that they didn’t check his prostate during his colonoscopy. Andy dreams about thongs as Ryan explains his plan to capture an alien. Ryan is upset that Andy doesn’t think newspapers report on bestiality that much. Andy gets his ass whooped at HEMA by a veteran and has to power through the defeat. The boys talk about Flowers For Algernon and Pope Leo. Ryan has some conspiracy theories on the Catholic Church while Andy notices how much Ryan smells like hot dogs. Then Ryan freaks out when Andy opens his bathroom window and starts shouting Ryan’s full first and last name while saying there’s doodie everywhere. Andrew gets turned on by breast reduction scars. Ryan imagines how poorly Andrew would do with online dating then impersonates Andy trying to get his brain to turn over like a shitty motor. Electric toothbrushes catch on fire and they freak out about lithium batteries. Ryan uses a selfie stick to talk on the phone. Ryan catches Andy listening to their own podcast again and asserts that Andy must be pretending he’s listening to other people. They talk about how they both thought spontaneous human combustion would be a much bigger deal than it ended up being. Ryan tries to impress high schoolers on the ski lift and this does not go unpunished by Andy.

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