Selfish Parenting

17. Changing the Default Parent | Why We Swapped Seats for a Year

Okay, real talk: when your kid wakes up with a 102 fever on a Tuesday morning, whose phone rings first? Whose calendar gets cleared? Whose career takes the permanent hit? We celebrate equality on paper, and then life gets messy, and somehow, the woman's dreams get quietly shelved. For the past year, my husband and I decided to break that. He stepped back, took the primary parent seat, and I went all-in on my career. I was able to launch a non-profit, scale my brand across five countries, and proved that mothers don't have to shrink to make their families thrive. Today, we're breaking down the practical framework for taking turns in marriage, and the four rules that actually make it work. Resources mentioned: Empower Her Village Harvard Business School Study on Career Precedence in Dual-Income Marriages In this episode, we cover: How to set explicit seasons (not open-ended sacrifice) so one partner can sprint while the other anchors, plus how quarterly check-ins keep both people aligned Why "mom knows best" is usually just "mom has had more practice" and how to challenge the myth that fathers are less capable caregivers The four non-negotiable rules for taking turns: set expiration dates, dismantle the default parent reflex at schools/daycares, reframe male caregiving as strategic teamwork, and practice zero micromanagement Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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16. Is Marriage Worth It for Women? Feat. Yvette Henry

Marriage can be beautiful, fulfilling, stretching, and deeply intimate, but it is not something I can honestly talk about for women without also talking about the risk, the labor, and the reality of what so many wives are carrying. In this conversation, I sit down with Yvette Henry to talk about what 15 years of marriage has taught her, why she still believes marriage can be worth it, and why I struggle to tell women that marriage is automatically worth it for them. We talk about choosing well, the limits of that advice, unpaid labor, faith-based expectations, the Proverbs 31 woman, emotional exhaustion, and what it means to stop performing wifehood and actually live inside a marriage that makes room for your whole self. Yvette also shares the heart behind her devotional Release, Rest, Remain, and why permission to rest is not something we need to wait for from our husbands, our children, the church, or the world… it is something we have to learn how to give ourselves. Yvette Henry is a homeschooling mother of four, writer, and co-host of the podcast How Married Are You? alongside her husband, Glen. She has been married for 15 years, has built an incredible online community as Mrs. Melanin, and is the author of the devotional Release, Rest, Remain. Connect with Yvette: Website IG Podcast Resources mentioned: Release, Rest, Remain by Yvette Henry Research mentioned: Women gain about seven more hours of housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create? Men do about one hour less housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create? Women initiate 69% of divorces, compared to 31% initiated by men — Michael J. Rosenfeld / American Sociological Association, Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not Non-Marital Breakups Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples — Michael J. Rosenfeld, Stanford University In this episode, we cover: Whether marriage is actually worth it for women Why marriage requires work, not just love The danger of telling women to “choose well” like that alone can protect them What women gain and lose inside traditional marriage structures How faith can shape marriage, rest, and wifehood Why the Proverbs 31 woman has been misunderstood The difference between performing marriage and actually being in one Why rest has to come from within How Yvette and Glen think about division of labor, parenting, and partnership Why divorce can be an option without being treated like failure Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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15. The Mental Load Is the Invisible Job with Paige Connell of @SheIsAPaigeTurner

There is a kind of exhaustion that does not come from doing one more load of laundry or packing one more lunch – it comes from being the person who knows everything that needs to happen before anyone else even thinks to ask. In this episode, I’m joined by Paige Connell, known online as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, for a conversation about the part of the mental load that feels the most frustrating to name out loud: why so many women are expected to manage the home, explain the standards, teach their partners how to participate, and then somehow not feel resentful about it. We talk about default parenting, invisible labor, willing partners, outsourcing, the difference between helping and owning, and what it actually takes to stop being the project manager of your family. Paige Connell is a content creator, writer, speaker, consultant, podcaster, and mom of four. Online, she is known as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, where she creates content about the mental load, equitable partnerships, motherhood, and what it means to build a home where both partners truly participate. Connect with Paige: IG TikTok Website Podcast sheisapaigeturner@select.co Resources mentioned: Paige’s Free Guide to the Mental Load Conversation Stanford University study on divorce initiation In this episode, we cover: What the mental load looks like when it turns into resentment Why “just tell me what to do” still keeps women in charge The difference between a partner helping and a partner owning the work How women end up becoming the default parent without ever agreeing to it Why teaching a partner can feel unfair, even when the partner is willing How to know whether you have a willing partner or just a passive one Why outsourcing buys back time but does not erase the mental load The role of standards, safety, research, and invisible decision-making How to talk about the workload before you are already angry What our children learn when equity is modeled, not just talked about Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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14. Unpacking Church Trauma & Refusing to Raise my Daughters in Shame

I grew up in the church. I prayed, I read my Bible, I believed God was the reason my family survived some of the hardest things we ever went through. Faith grounded me, especially as a refugee kid trying to make sense of losing everything and starting over. But I also grew up hearing that my body was a problem, that my value lived in my virginity, that motherhood was my highest calling, and that men’s comfort mattered more than women’s safety. In this episode, I’m talking about Christianity, modesty culture, Mormonism, Congolese churches, motherhood, and the part of faith that still feels confusing for me. I still pray. I still believe in God. I still find comfort in parts of the Bible. I also know I cannot raise my daughters inside the same shame, fear, and patriarchy that made me question my own body, my own freedom, and my own worth. This is where I am right now: grieving the church community I loved, questioning what I was taught, and choosing to teach my children about religion without handing them the trauma that came with mine. Research mentioned: 42% of US adults have deconstructed from Christianity (Barna, Ex-Christians Aren’t the Only Ones Deconstructing Faith) 54% of Gen Z women (compared to 46% of men) have left their formative religions (Dan Foster / Medium, Why Young Women Are Leaving the Church in Droves) 40% of women ages 18-29 are now religiously unaffiliated (PRRI, Gen Z, Gender, and Religion) 65% of young women believe churches don't treat men and women equally (Survey Center on American Life, Young Women Are Leaving Church in Unprecedented Numbers) In this episode, we cover: Why I stopped searching for a home church after spending years trying to find one that felt safe How modesty culture taught me to carry shame for a body I was still learning how to live in What Mormonism showed me about women doing the work while men held the power Why having daughters made me question which parts of church I was willing to pass down The grief I still feel for the community, care, and village that church gave me How I’m teaching my children about religion without making fear the foundation Why so many of us are questioning Christianity and realizing patriarchy was sitting right there with it What it feels like to still pray, still believe, and still not know where church fits in my life anymore Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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13. Work From Home Isn’t Killing Your Career | Let’s Be Honest About Having It All

Work from home is a career killer for women? I disagree a thousand percent. In this episode, I’m challenging the idea that ambition has to come at the expense of your mental health, your time, or your identity. I’m talking about my experience in corporate America as a Black woman, the invisible labor that comes with being in office, what the research actually says about remote work and productivity, and who the “three hour mom” narrative really applies to. Because not all advice is universal, and success should not require you to lose yourself in the process. Stats mentioned: Code switching can cost Black professionals 2–3 hours of mental energy daily (Harvard Business Review, 2019) 64% of Black employees experience at least one racial microaggression per week (McKinsey & Company, 2023) Black women reported a 31% improvement in psychological well-being when working remotely (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2022) Remote and hybrid work reduced racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women (SHRM, 2023) Remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity (Stanford Business, 2020) 87% of employees report being equally or more productive working from home (Microsoft WorkLab) Remote and hybrid workers report higher engagement than fully in-office employees (Gallup, 2023) In this episode, we cover: Why the “work from home is a career killer” narrative ignores what Black women actually experience The real cost of code switching, and why the office is not a neutral space Why being seen at work still doesn’t guarantee being considered How communication bias shows up in emails and perception The truth about the “three hour mom” – and what it actually requires What the data really says about productivity at home Why you need to be selective about whose advice you follow Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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12. TikTok Is Not Real Life | What I Was Posting While My Life Was Falling Apart with Kiana Leroux

This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788. Kiana built her platform on transparency, but this conversation makes it clear just how much she was holding at the same time. What looked like a happy, growing relationship online was layered with control, instability, and survival behind the scenes – and she was navigating all of it while pregnant, postpartum, and still showing up publicly. We talk about what it actually means to live through something in real time without the luxury of stepping away, how content creation became both an outlet and a lifeline, and why the version of a relationship you see online can be completely real and still not be the full truth. This episode isn’t about exposing social media – it’s about understanding why women stay, why they leave, and what it costs to delay your own healing. Kiana Leroux is a content creator known for her honest, lived-experience advice and transparent storytelling around relationships, motherhood, and personal growth. Connect with Kiana IG TikTok YouTube Stats mentioned: 62% of creators report burnout (Forbes Healthy Study, 2025) 65% of content creators experience anxiety and depression (Fast Company & Creator Studies, 2025) In this episode I cover: What’s actually happening behind “happy” relationship content Why leaving isn’t always a clean or immediate decision How abuse can exist alongside love, success, and visibility The role content creation can play when you’re trying to survive something Why “ride or die” culture sets women up to lose The difference between real connection and emotional intensity What it looks like to rebuild while still being watched Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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11. The Government Doesn't Care About Mothers… So We Built Our Own Village

This episode is me saying the quiet part out loud: you are not struggling because you’re doing motherhood wrong. You’re struggling because there is no real support system built for you. I’m introducing Empower Her Village, but this isn’t just an announcement, it’s a response to something I’ve seen over and over again, in my own life and in yours. Mothers who are doing everything “right,” working, showing up, holding it all together, and still can’t afford childcare, therapy, or even basic help at home. Not because they’re irresponsible, but because they fall into a gap no one is talking about. The government has the data. They know mothers are leaving the workforce, they know most can’t access mental health care, and they’ve chosen to do nothing. So instead of continuing to tell you to “prioritize yourself” without giving you the tools to do it, I decided to build something that actually supports you. Because the truth is, it still takes a village… but now that village costs money. And if you don’t have access to it, no amount of advice is going to fix that. Connect with Empower Her Village: Website Donate IG TikTok info@empowerhervillage.org Resources mentioned: 2025 U.S. Maternal Mental Health Risk and Resources by County Women say caregiving and child care costs are the No. 1 reason they quit the workforce last year, according to new data Some key takeaways from this episode are: The “missing middle” is real! Mothers earning too much to qualify for assistance but not enough to afford childcare, therapy, or household help are being left to figure it out alone, and it’s why so many are silently struggling. “Prioritize yourself” is not useful advice if you don’t have the resources to do it. The issue is clearly not that mothers don’t want to take care of themselves. But that they don’t have access to the support that makes it possible. The village still exists, it’s just no longer free. What used to be family and community support now shows up as paid services like childcare, therapy, and household help, and every mother deserves access to that level of support. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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10. Spanking IS Child Abuse

Hitting your child is abuse. It doesn't matter if you call it spanking, whooping, or "a little pat." In this episode, I'm unpacking why corporal punishment has been normalized for so long and why so many parents still believe it's discipline. Growing up in the Democratic Republic of Congo, I saw firsthand how physical punishment was treated as the standard both at home and in schools. But here's what doesn't add up: it's illegal to hit your spouse, illegal to hit your neighbor – yet still legal to hit your child. And if you say "I was hit and I turned out fine," I'm here to tell you… you probably didn't. The real question is this: are you trying to teach your child, or are you trying to make them suffer? Discipline is supposed to come from teaching and repetition, not fear. We talk about the difference between punishment and discipline, why research shows physical punishment harms children's development, the misuse of "spare the rod" in Christian parenting, and what it actually looks like to parent with intention, using redirection, natural consequences, emotional regulation, and clear boundaries instead of violence. Because breaking generational cycles starts with you. Resources mentioned: ”Spanking and Other Physical Discipline Lead to Exclusively Negative Outcomes” (NYU, 2025) ”The Effect of Spanking on the Brain” (Harvard, 2021) 3 things to understand about disciplining kids without hitting them: Hitting a child might stop a behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t actually teach them what to do instead. Fear shuts down the part of the brain responsible for learning, which means the lesson never lands. Discipline isn’t about punishment – it’s about teaching. Redirection, natural consequences, and consistent boundaries help children understand their choices and build emotional regulation over time. Breaking generational parenting patterns starts with the parent. When you regulate your own emotions, model accountability, and reconnect with your child after conflict, you teach them how to handle their own feelings without violence. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

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9. Tradwife or Trapped Wife? | How Stay-at-Home Moms Can Protect Themselves with Trish A. White

Everyone loves the idea of a stay-at-home mom until the internet starts running the divorce horror stories. So let’s actually talk about it. In this episode, I sit down with Trish White, a stay-at-home mom of three who very intentionally chose this life, and we break down what protection really looks like. Not fear. Not paranoia. Not secret resentment. Real protection. The kind that starts before you ever leave your job. We talk about choosing a partner who doesn’t flinch at your ambition to stay home, why financial transparency matters more than “soft life” aesthetics, what red flags to clock early, and how to build equity, credit, and confidence inside your marriage. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, you absolutely can. But it only works when it’s chosen, supported, and structurally sound. Trish A. White is a stay-at-home mom of three and content creator featured in Essence for her perspective on Black stay-at-home motherhood and the trad-wife conversation, where she shares financial transparency tips, faith-centered family life, and empowered SAHM insight across her social platforms. You can follow Trish on Instagram! 3 Truths About Staying Home That Actually Protect You: The man you choose matters more than any contract. Being a stay-at-home mom starts with the husband. If he flinches at your desire to stay home, doesn’t follow through on his goals, or is emotionally unstable in small conflicts, that instability will grow under pressure. The right partner makes the role feel secure, not risky! Financial access isn’t optional… it’s adult. You should know the accounts, understand the bills, build credit in your name, and sit in on real money conversations. Most stay-at-home vulnerability comes from financial ignorance, not the role itself. Transparency builds trust. Secrecy builds dependency. Preparation should empower you, not scare you. Yes, be on the deed. Yes, understand prenups. Yes, build equity and keep your skills sharp. But protection isn’t about expecting betrayal, it’s about being informed, intentional, and confident enough to enjoy the life you chose. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

8. 45% of Women Will Be Single by 2030 | How to Know If You’re Actually Ready for Marriage and Motherhood

A lot of people treat marriage and motherhood like deadlines you’re supposed to hit. In this episode, I break down how I think about readiness, not as a timeline, but as an intentional choice that should add to your life, not shrink it. I share what actually mattered to me before getting married, from choosing an exceptional partner to knowing who I was outside of a relationship and being able to financially support myself. Then we get into what real readiness for kids looks like: the costs people don’t talk about, the emotional work that shows up in postpartum and parenting triggers, and the reality that choosing to have children is a lifelong commitment. If you’re going to choose marriage or motherhood, this episode is about choosing it on purpose… not out of pressure, fear, or expectation. Resources mentioned: Rise of the SHEconomy - Morgan Stanley Research Health fertility and age-related pregnancy data - UCSF Facility Research Questions to Ask Yourself Before Marriage or Motherhood: If your partner never changes, same job, same mindset, same habits, would you still want to be with them? Can you financially support yourself without relying on a partner? Do you know who you are outside of a relationship or motherhood? Have you lived independently enough to know what you actually want (living alone, traveling alone, dating different people)? What would you realistically have to sacrifice or give up if you had children? Have you addressed your own childhood trauma and personal triggers? Are you choosing marriage or kids because you truly want them? Or because of fear or societal pressure? Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

7. You’re Not a Single Married Mother | What Real Partnership, Labor & Boundaries Look Like with Colette Louis

A lot of couples talk about “building together.”Fewer talk about what happens when ambition, money, children, and the internet all enter the relationship at the same time. In this episode, I sit down with Colette Louis to talk about what it actually looks like to grow a marriage while growing businesses – without one partner quietly carrying the invisible weight of it all. We unpack how she and her husband made early decisions about money, labor, and priorities, why outsourcing became a necessity rather than a luxury, and how they protect their relationship in a culture that rewards oversharing. This conversation challenges the idea that doing everything alone is something to be proud of, and offers a more honest picture of partnership, boundaries, and shared responsibility. Colette Louis is a lifestyle creator, wife, mom of two, and entrepreneur who shares honest conversations about motherhood, home, and building a life that feels as good as it looks. She’s the voice behind Simply Colette, where she blends everyday routines with intentional living and soft ambition. Known for turning real life into relatable storytelling, Colette encourages women to move beyond survival mode and step into thriving – at home and within themselves. Through her content and community, she reminds women that growth can be gentle, beautiful, and still powerful. Connect with Colette: Website IG TikTok Resources mentioned: Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households In this episode, we cover: What it really means to build a business with your spouse Why “equal” doesn’t always mean “fair” when it comes to labor at home How invisible labor contributes to burnout and resentment Outsourcing as a strategic decision, not a moral failure Setting boundaries online to protect your marriage offline Why help isn’t optional if you want sustainability, not survival Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

6. Having Kids IS Selfish (And That’s Okay) | Why Being Child-Free Is Sometimes the Selfless Choice

We keep hearing that the birth rate is falling, the economy is panicking, and somehow the solution lives in women’s bodies. In this episode, I’m saying the quiet part out loud: every reason to have children is selfish -- and that’s not a bad thing. As a mother of four, I unpack why choosing not to have children is not selfish at all, but often an act of self-preservation. Through my own birth stories, research on maternal health, and the realities no one puts on the baby shower invitation, this episode challenges the idea that women owe their bodies, or their lives, to society. Motherhood should always be a choice, never a moral obligation. Resources mentioned: Diary of a CEO podcast episode featuring Dr. Erica Komisar (discussion on declining birth rates and women’s autonomy) In this episode, I cover: Why women’s bodies are not economic policy or national resources The real, lifelong physical and mental costs of pregnancy and childbirth Why there is no truly “selfless” reason to have children, and why honesty matters How child-free women often help hold families and communities together A practical decision framework to help you decide if having (or having more) children is right for you Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

5. Why Am I Like This? | How Healing Your Past Changes Your Future with Kobe Campbell, LCMHC

When you think about the personal rules you follow while parenting your children, how many of those are shaped by an experience you’ve had in your life? Chances are, at least one or two of the daily decisions you make are shaped by trauma. That’s why I’m so excited to have Kobe Campbell, an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, on the podcast! We discuss how trauma impacts our lives, why you should stop dismissing your trauma as “not that bad,” and the role trauma therapy can play in helping us heal. Kobe Campbell, LCMHC is an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, bestselling author, speaker, and entertainment consultant. As a seminary-trained therapist, she specializes in helping people understand how their past shapes their present through her signature work on inner child healing and breaking generational cycles. Her 4x #1 Amazon bestselling book, Why Am I Like This? How to Break Cycles, Heal From Trauma, and Restore Your Faith has transformed thousands of lives by combining evidence-based therapy with faith-filled compassion. Connect with Kobe: Why Am I Like This? by Kobe Campbell Instagram TikTok YouTube Some key takeaways from this episode include: If something happened to you that changed the way you interact with the world, it was probably a traumatic event. Even if it didn’t impact people around you, or “doesn’t seem that bad” compared to what others have been through, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic. There are two things we might develop as a result of trauma: adaptive practices and maladaptive practices. Adaptive practices might keep you healthy and safe, but maladaptive practices can result in you repeating generational trauma or keeping loved ones at arm’s length. The growth and healing you experience in therapy will hopefully cover you for a lifetime, but healing isn’t linear and it happens over the course of your whole life. You might go to therapy for six months, then feel good and not need therapy for years, then go back when you notice unhealthy patterns. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

4. The Truth About “Broken Homes” | A Domestic Violence Survivor’s Story feat. Wadzanai Karanja

This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788. Leaving isn’t the hard part. It’s admitting to yourself that what you’ve been calling “home” has been hurting you. In this episode, I sit down with Wadzanai Karanja, a domestic violence survivor and single mother, to talk about the red flags she didn’t yet know to name, the years of isolation that kept her far from help, and the moment she chose safety over staying. We also break down the research that debunks the idea that children need two parents under one roof to thrive, and dig into what emotional safety, stability, and real community support actually look like for single mothers rebuilding their lives on their own terms. Wadzanai Karanja is a survivor, a mother, and a passionate voice for women choosing safety over expectation. Her story is a powerful reminder that protecting your child sometimes begins with protecting yourself. Resources mentioned: Journal of Marriage and Family: Longitudinal study on children leaving high-conflict homes (1,400 participants) American Psychological Association: Resilience in stable single-parent households National Center for Health Statistics: Maternal education as a protective factor In this episode, we cover: The early red flags of coercive control How isolation and fear keep women from leaving Why many “traditional” family norms harm more than they help What the research says about single-parent stability How community becomes a lifeline for survivors A parenting truth that might change how you view “broken homes” Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

3. The “Right Choice” Myth | Why Both Working & Stay-at-Home Mothers Matter

From the “boss babe” stereotype to the “trad wife” trend, social media has a lot to say about what it means to be a good mother, and it can be tempting to compare and measure these mothers against each other. In this episode, I want to explore why both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers are valid. I’m unpacking the research that shows the benefits of both, sharing my own experiences following each path, and empowering you to set boundaries and practice self-care no matter which path you choose. Resources mentioned: Harvard Business Review: "Learning from Mum: Cross-National Evidence Linking Maternal Employment and Adult Children's Outcomes" (2015) University of Michigan Institute for Social Research: Attachment and Parental Availability Study Developmental Psychology Meta-Analysis: Maternal Employment and Child Outcomes In this episode, I cover: The benefits of being a stay-at-home parent The benefits of being a working parent How both paths support your family financially How to choose the best path for you and your family Action steps to ask for help and set boundaries as a mother My motherhood hot take that might surprise you Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

2. More Than a Paycheck: What a Modern Provider Actually Looks Like feat. Julien Lane

If you have a great relationship with your father, I bet that the thing that’s most important to you about that bond isn’t that he provided for your family financially. It was his emotional support and intentional presence that made that relationship special. And who else would be a better guest to talk about fatherhood than my husband, Julien Lane? You might know him as “Homey” (if you know, you know), but Julien is the true embodiment of modern fatherhood. From holding space for our family’s feelings and helping us emotionally regulate, to modeling what it looks like to be a supportive husband, we talk about all things fatherhood in the year 2025. Resources mentioned: Father Involvement and Children's Academic Achievement - Journal of Marriage and Family, 2016 Book Rec: Fair Play by Eve Rodskey The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important Some key takeaways from this episode include: Being a present father is about WAY more than your financial contributions. When you spend time being invested - and I mean emotionally invested and physically present - in your kids’ lives, it improves their development and leads to a healthy bond well into their adulthood. According to this study, children with highly involved fathers scored 15% higher on cognitive development tests. Sons showed 35% better emotional regulation. Daughters had 27% higher self-esteem. Our biggest tip for being a more intentional father? Learn the mental load without being asked. Get to know your family’s daily, weekly, and monthly routines and rhythms. How can you take ownership of some of those routines? Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

1. Permission to Be Selfish: The Framework

Welcome to the Selfish Parenting Podcast! If you are feeling burnt out on parenthood and like these kids have got to go, you just walked into the right party! In this episode, I’m kicking off this podcast with why I named the podcast Selfish Parenting (and if that name gave you pause… keep listening!), my four-part Selfish Parenting Framework, and the research-backed evidence that being a happy, fulfilled parent leads to raising happy, fulfilled, and pretty successful kids. 🤎 We’d love to hear from you! Send us your parenting questions and hot takes at selfishparenting@gmail.com! Our favorite submissions will be featured on the show. Resources mentioned: Happy Mothers, Successful Children: Effects of Maternal Satisfaction on Child Outcomes* by Dimitrios Nikolaou | The Ohio State University UrbanSitter Childcare and Home Care Services Poplin Laundry Service Some key takeaways from this episode include: A study at The Ohio State University found that a 10% increase in maternal happiness predicts social skills improvement equivalent to a $62,000 annual income increase. Okay numbers!! It is crucial to maintain your identity outside of motherhood. That’s why it’s one of the pillars of the Selfish Parenting Framework. It is such a gift to show your kids what it looks like to be a multi-passionate adult and pursue all those passions while your kids are young. When it comes to outsourcing, start small. You don’t need to start with a full-time nanny and a personal chef. Hire a babysitter for a couple hours a day, a few days a week, so you can have some time for self-care. Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok

Welcome to Selfish Parenting with Chancè Hindir-Lane

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself. Connect with Me: Instagram Shop My LTK YouTube - Chancè YouTube - Selfish Parenting TikTok