Recovering Out Loud

Anthony Degasperis

Sobriety you can actually use — from someone who lived it twice.

I'm Anthony. I got sober in 2015, relapsed after 7.5 years, and rebuilt from zero. Now I'm an addiction counsellor-in-training sharing what actually works in recovery — not theory, real tools.
Every episode covers the real struggles of staying sober: emotional sobriety, relapse prevention, identity, people-pleasing, shame, trauma, mental health, and the messy middle nobody talks about.

If you're newly sober, years in, or supporting someone you love — this is your space.

New episodes every week. Follow so you never miss one.

Play

Open in

26 episodes
Avg 21 min
English

Episodes 26

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.

Thursday · 20 min
Dealing With Difficult People : Acceptance Isn't Approval
Difficult people aren't going anywhere. The resentment you carry about them is optional. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about dealing with difficult people in addiction recovery, and why acceptance doesn't mean approval, putting up with mistreatment, or becoming a doormat. We start with a question: who have you argued with most this week who wasn't even in the room? The rehearsed argument in the car or the shower. You win it every time and still feel worse. That's the part I want to look at. In this episode: • Why a disturbance is information about me, not a verdict on them • The resentment I carried for years about people with money, and how I finally saw it was mine • The famous "page 417" acceptance passage from 12-step literature, and how it gets misread as "just put up with it" • Acceptance vs. approval: swapping "the way it's supposed to be" for "the way it is" • Radical acceptance from DBT (Marsha Linehan), and a quick note on the God word for secular listeners • The Serenity Prayer as a sorting tool, not just comfort • Boundaries as acceptance in action: accepting someone doesn't mean handing them a key to your house • What the research says about acceptance-based approaches to substance use • The uncomfortable one: sometimes the difficult person is me Try this after listening: Mine / Not Mine: two columns. Their tone, choices and opinion of you go under Not Mine. Your response goes under Mine. "Is" not "should": swap "they shouldn't be like this" for "this is how they are right now." Boundary script: "When you ___, I'm going to ___." It's about your action, not their behaviour, and it can stay internal. Pause when agitated: create space between the feeling and the decision. This is lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, talk to someone you trust, a recovery community, or a professional. Research mentioned: Lee, E. B., An, W., Levin, M. E., & Twohig, M. P. (2015). An initial meta-analysis of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for treating substance use disorders. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 155, 1–7. If this episode helped, follow Recovering Out Loud and leave a rating. It's the single biggest thing that helps someone else find the show. Recovery: simple, not easy. AA Grapevine – Talking with Dr. Paul Recovery Answers – ACT meta-analysis summary (Lee et al., 2015) Lee et al. (2015), Drug and Alcohol Dependence 155 AA Agnostica – critique of the acceptance passage
Tuesday · 22 min
Perception vs. Perspective: Why Your Brain Lies in Early Recovery
Perception vs. perspective in addiction recovery: why your gut read isn't the truth — and how to change where you're standing. Someone doesn't text back and your brain has the whole movie written in half a second: they're mad, they're talking about you, it's over. In early sobriety, those stories feel like facts — and a lot of us have relapsed, or come close, over stories exactly like that. In this solo episode, Anthony breaks down the difference between perception (the fast, automatic read — often wrong) and perspective (where you're looking from — slower, and something you can choose). Perception is the picture. Perspective is the camera angle. From lived experience in recovery since 2015, Anthony shares the night in treatment he was certain his wife had crashed her car, the elevator conversation where his addict brain decided a stranger was high, and why his mentor almost always takes his wife's side — and why he's grateful for it. What we cover: Why addiction tilts your attention toward triggers — what researchers call attentional bias — and why the liquor store seems to glow in early sobriety Feelings aren't facts: how resentments, paranoia and "everyone's judging me" start as a guess that feels true The CBT move of catching an automatic thought and testing it A self-talk trick using your own name that research suggests can calm emotional reactions with little extra effort Borrowing someone else's eyes — sponsor, mentor, coach, friend Changing the time angle on problems, cravings and urges Why perspective isn't denial Four tools to try this week: Say your own name — "Why is Anthony so angry?" instead of "Why am I so angry?" Ask two questions — What's the actual evidence? What else could this mean? Borrow someone else's eyes — "Here's what happened. How does it look from where you're standing?" Play the tape forward — Will this matter in five days, five months, five years? With a craving, picture the next morning, not the first drink. How willing are you to be wrong about one more thing? Pick one tool, try it, and tell us how it went. This is peer support and lived experience, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to a professional, your local crisis line, or someone you trust in recovery. Research mentioned: Field, Munafò & Franken (2009), Psychological Bulletin — attentional bias and craving meta-analysis Field, Marhe & Franken (2014), CNS Spectrums — clinical relevance of attentional bias in substance use disorders Magill & Ray (2009), Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs — CBT meta-analysis of 53 trials Moser, Kross et al. (2017), Scientific Reports — third-person self-talk and emotion regulation New here? Follow Recovering Out Loud and leave a rating — it helps people who need these conversations find the show. Recovery is simple, not easy.
October 8 · 23 min
Ego in Addiction Recovery: Why "I've Got This" Led to My Relapse
"I've got this" was my problem for years: I've got it under control, I'll figure it out on my own. Before my relapse after seven and a half years sober, it was the same voice: I don't need to tell anyone. This won't blow up in my face. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I talk about cutting your ego down to size without cutting yourself down, and about keeping the part of your ego you actually need. We get into: What the ego really is: the part that says "I can handle it," "rules are for other people," and "I'm different," and how it showed up for me at my third treatment center Surrender vs. compliance: being a member, an attender, or a pretender, and why the only thing an alcoholic has to surrender is their judgment Humility vs. humiliation: why "tear them down to build them up" backfires, and a study that found shame, not guilt, predicted relapse in early sobriety Right-sizing: "I'm the worst person in this room" is still ego, just upside down. You're not God, you're not the sheriff of the universe, and you're not garbage either. Why you need some ego to stay sober: the difference between "I've got this" and "I can do this," and building a proof list of hard things you've done sober (David Goggins calls it the cookie jar) How the ego comes back in long-term sobriety. I never relapsed when things got bad. I relapsed when I got cocky. Service as daily right-sizing, and the best high in recovery The takeaway: you don't want a big ego or no ego. You want one that's the right size, humble enough to ask for help and strong enough to believe you're worth it. This week: start your proof list. Write down one hard thing you've done sober and DM me what it is on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod Shared from lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to a doctor, a treatment provider, or someone in your recovery community. Research mentioned: Harry Tiebout, "Surrender versus Compliance in Therapy" (1953) and "The Ego Factors in Surrender in Alcoholism" Randles & Tracy (2013), "Nonverbal displays of shame predict relapse and declining health in recovering alcoholics," Clinical Psychological Science Kadden & Litt (2011), "The role of self-efficacy in the treatment of substance use disorders," Addictive Behaviors Research on service, humility and relapse in adolescents in residential treatment "Humility and 12-Step Recovery," Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly (2016)
October 6 · 25 min
Sober Isn't the Same as Okay — 10 Hard Truths About Addiction Recovery
Getting sober doesn't fix your life. It gives you a chance to fix it. Ten harsh truths from 11 years in recovery. Nobody really tells you about the hard parts of addiction recovery — or if they do, you're not ready to hear them. In this solo episode, Anthony shares ten truths he's learned the hard way across 11 years in and out of recovery, including a relapse after seven and a half years of sobriety. None of it is meant to shame anyone. It stings first. Then it sets you free. This is lived experience, not a rule book — and definitely not everybody's experience. In this episode: - Why getting sober turns up the volume on the problems drinking and using were covering - Why not everyone will be happy you're sober — and grieving the old drinking buddies - Amends: clearing your side of the street without expecting a result - Relapse is common, but it isn't the end (and it isn't a license) - Why most people take more than one serious run at recovery - When the pink cloud ends and the boredom shows up - Dry vs. recovered: you can be sober and still miserable - The paradox: nobody can do it for you, and you can't do it alone - Feelings coming back — sitting with them, not in them - Why recovery has no finish line, and why that's a gift Numbers mentioned: - Relapse rates for substance use disorders: 40–60%, comparable to hypertension and asthma — National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), Drugs, Brains, and Behavior. - Serious recovery attempts before resolving a substance problem: median 2, mean ~5 — Kelly et al. (2019), Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research. - ~22 million U.S. adults (9.1%) report having resolved a significant alcohol or drug problem — Kelly et al. (2017), Drug and Alcohol Dependence. If this one landed, follow Recovering Out Loud and leave a rating — it helps someone else find it. Real stories. Recovering Out Loud is a peer-led podcast sharing lived experience. It is not medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling, reach out to someone you trust or a local support service.
October 1 · 23 min
The Difference Between Me and a Normal Drinker | Borrowed Wisdom: Bob D.
What's the real difference between an alcoholic and a normal drinker? Old-timer Bob D. has an answer. In this Borrowed Wisdom episode, Anthony breaks down a speaker talk from Bob D. on the disease of alcoholism — and why, in Bob's words, he didn't become an alcoholic because he drank; he drank the way he did because he's an alcoholic. We get into: The chicken or the egg — does drinking cause alcoholism, or does something come first? Bob believes he was born this way. Anthony isn't sure — and why that question matters less than the solution. The geographic cure — why moving cities never fixes it. Wherever you go, there you are. Two kinds of wiring — a normal drinker feels a buzz and backs off. An alcoholic feels the same buzz and hits the gas. "Losing control" vs. "about to get control." Never "just right" — the phenomenon of craving, chasing the dragon, and the stimulant/benzo cycle of trying to be your own chemist. Feeling normal only when half lit — the invisible wall at the party, and how recovery lets you feel "a part of" without substances. Restless, irritable and discontent — the dog circling the room, and "chronic malcontent": the new car that's the wrong colour three weeks later. Head vs. heart — the difference between admitting you have a problem and getting it in your innermost self. Watch your feet. The downside of getting better — how a good life can seduce you into a false sense of okayness, and how that played into Anthony's own 7.5-year relapse. When the obsession returns — why people who relapse after years often say they'd have bet anything they'd never drink again. This is lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice. 12-step, SMART Recovery, therapy, rehab, sober coaching — find the path that works for you, then do the work. Want the link to Bob D.'s full talk? DM me on Instagram. @recoveringoutloudpod If no one's told you today — we love you. Recovery is simple, not easy.
September 29 · 22 min
5 Things Alcoholics Still Do After They Get Sober
Sobriety didn't switch off my alcoholic thinking. 5 things I still do in addiction recovery — and how I catch them. Putting down the drink and the drug was the start, not the finish. My problem was never just drugs and alcohol — it's me, my perception, and the way I try to escape pain. Left unchecked, that alcoholic thinking runs quietly in the background and turns into resentment, fear, anxiety and anger. And eventually, a drink. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I walk through five things I still catch myself doing almost two years into my second run at sobriety: More is better — swapping the bottle for something else. Coffee, sugar, vapes, the gym, scrolling, work. Cross addiction is real, and so is channelling an obsessive brain into something that helps. Right now or never — instant gratification, the text you shouldn't send, and why I make things worse every time I try to force an outcome. Resentment on repeat — rehearsing arguments in the shower, keeping score, and learning to just let them. Running the show — control, people pleasing, and the difference between being kind and being nice. The mask — image management, the highlight reel, and the gap between recovering publicly and recovering honestly. Plus: the best part of recovery (a 30-day text from a guy I'm working with), an update on my school situation and the "push or pivot" moment that came out of it, and three questions you can ask yourself about each of these. This is lived experience and peer perspective — not clinical advice. If any of these land for you, tell me which one in the comments.
September 24 · 17 min
How to Stay Sober Through Hard Times (While You're Still In It)
Staying sober through adversity while you're still in it — not the highlight reel after. This one's recorded from inside the hard middle. I'm in the middle of something with school right now that could change my path, and instead of waiting until it's tied up with a bow, I wanted to talk about what actually gets people through while it's still messy — and why so many come out the other side changed for the better. We get into pain versus suffering (pain × resistance = suffering), post-traumatic growth and the five places research says growth tends to show up, and the Stockdale Paradox — holding total faith that you'll get through it alongside the discipline to face the brutal facts right now. Faith without facts is denial. Facts without faith is despair. Then the practical stuff: four inner moves and four outer moves for getting through a hard stretch without picking up. Inner moves Accept what's actually here (acceptance isn't approval) Shrink the timeline to the next right thing Don't believe everything your mind says in a storm Protect the boring basics — sleep, food, water, movement Outer moves 5. Let people in 6. Ask for specific help 7. Do one thing for someone else 8. Find a thread of meaning — carefully, and on your own schedule Some adversity is just loss, and it stays loss. Growth is something you notice looking back, not something you owe anyone while you're hurting. Two things can be true. If you're in the hard middle right now: text one person the truth today. This is lived experience and peer perspective, not clinical advice.
September 22 · 16 min
The 5 Slow Killers of Sobriety — Why Relapse Is Emotional Before It's Physical
Relapse is emotional before it's physical. The 5 slow killers that take us out — and how to get ahead of each one before it gets ahead of you. None of these five feel like drinking. They feel like normal life — a grudge you're nursing, a secret you're carrying, a Friday night with nothing in it. That's exactly why they're dangerous. By the time a drink is in your hand, the relapse already happened weeks ago, quietly, in your head. In this solo episode, Anthony walks through the five things he watches for in his own recovery — the quiet stuff that moves first: This is peer perspective and lived experience, not clinical advice — one person in recovery sharing what's kept him sober. Anthony has been in recovery since 2015, came back from a relapse, and is sharing the tools that help him stay ahead of his own disease.
September 17 · 17 min
6 Journaling Techniques for Recovery (and the Evidence Behind Each One)
Everybody hands you a journal in early recovery and says "use it" — nobody tells you what to do with it. So this episode is the missing manual: six journaling techniques (plus a bonus), what each one is actually for, and what the evidence does and doesn't back up. This isn't "dear diary." Different methods do different jobs, and matching the technique to the day is the whole game. Bottom line: journaling is a tool, not a cure. The research is modest and mixed, not miraculous. It works with your program, not instead of it — and if writing about the hard stuff cracks open something you can't hold, that's the signal to reach for a person, not just a pen. Peer to peer, one alcoholic addict's experience — not medical or clinical advice. JOIN ME ON MY SOCIALS - FREE RECOVERY GUIDE AND RECOVERY COACHING⁠https://linktr.ee/Recoveringoutloudpod⁠ — Anthony
September 15 · 16 min
The History of Addiction Treatment: Sin, Disease, Medicine & Harm Reduction
How addiction treatment went from moral failing to disease to harm reduction — 240 years of recovery history, told through lived experience. This is a peer recovery podcast, not medical advice. I'm Anthony, an alcoholic and addict in recovery since 2015. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, I walk the whole arc of how society has explained and treated addiction — moral failing, disease, medicine, harm reduction — and why every one of those models is still alive in the room today. You can meet all of them in one 12-step meeting, one hospital, one comment section. The 12 steps are younger than the telephone. Methadone is younger than television. Almost everything we call "treatment" was invented inside living memory. Here's the timeline: From sin, to disease, to medicine, to just keeping people alive — each model didn't replace the last. They're all still in the room, arguing. Recovery isn't one thing and never has been. Whatever door worked for you — 12 steps, medication, harm reduction, a fellowship — it exists because people before us refused to accept moral failure as the final word. The opposite of addiction is connection.
September 10 · 26 min
10 Things Another Sober Summer Taught Me
Ten honest lessons from another sober summer — victimhood, relapse, isolation, service, and faith. Summer's over and I'm back to school for my counseling diploma, so this one is a reflection on getting another summer under my belt sober. If you made it through sober — congratulations, I'm proud of you. And if you didn't, I'm proud of you for being here and trying to do better. Coming back from a slip is the hardest thing I've ever done. These are ten things I've journaled and thought about over the last few months working a recovery program. They're not clinical advice — just one person's lived experience, out loud: Recovery is simple — not easy. And if no one's told you today: I love you.
September 8 · 16 min
King Baby: The Ego Underneath Addiction
My real problem was never the drugs or alcohol. It was King Baby — the toddler ego running my life. In 2015, in treatment at Hazelden, I read a little pamphlet by Tom Cunningham called King Baby. It rewired how I saw my whole problem. It made me realize I wasn't a victim — I was the problem. Not the drugs, not the alcohol. Those were symptoms. The disease underneath is perception: being stuck inside myself, unable to get out of my own head. This episode is my walk through that idea. We all start as King Baby — the infant at the center of the universe, every need met instantly. Most people grow out of it. Some of us never shed it, and the infant ego spends a lifetime trying to get that warmth back. Enter drugs and alcohol: the thing that made me feel like the center of the universe again — until it stopped working. I get honest about the "sheriff of the universe" in me (the one who's right, you're wrong, and everyone in traffic is breaking Anthony's law), the masks we wear so the real self can't get rejected, and why King Baby can't tolerate calm — how we rock the boat and manufacture chaos to hide a shrinking sense of worth. Then the way out: surrender (putting down a job I was never qualified for), humility, letting the community love me until I could love myself, and choosing — every day — whether King Baby or the program gets the mic. This is lived experience, not medical advice. I'm not a doctor or a clinician. I'm an alcoholic and addict in recovery. King Baby's still in there. He just doesn't drive the bus anymore. Would you rather be right, or free? I want to be free. FIND THE PAMPHLET HERE
September 5 · 17 min
Anxiety in Sobriety: Why It Spikes and What Actually Helps
Nobody warns you sobriety can make anxiety louder, not quieter — here's why, and what actually helps. When you put down the drink or the drug, the anxiety you were medicating doesn't vanish. It gets uncovered. In this solo episode I talk about the 2 a.m. racing heart, the tight chest before a phone call, the dread with no evidence — and why the further I get from a substance, the louder my brain can get. Anxiety and substance use feed each other, and I break down the two directions that takes: the anxiety that came first and got "solved" by a drink, and the rebound anxiety the substance itself manufactures. We get into why early recovery spikes anxiety (post-acute withdrawal — the second wave nobody warns you about), the anxiety–relapse loop that keeps so many of us stuck, and how avoidance quietly wears respectable clothes: skipped meetings, isolation, and yes, workaholism. Then the part this show exists for — the solutions. Five tools, strongest-evidence-first: thought work (CBT), breathwork, movement, sleep, and connection — plus an honest word about medication. This is lived experience and peer perspective, not medical advice. I'm not a doctor or a clinician. I'm an alcoholic and addict in recovery, sharing what's worked for me. Anxiety was never the enemy. It's information from a nervous system built to outrun bears, now stuck managing a group text. You can feel it and be okay. It peaks, and it comes down — every time.
September 3 · 15 min
The Habits That Got Me to 1 Year Sober
Willpower won't keep you sober — it's a battery, and it drains. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony makes the case that year one isn't about white-knuckling, it's about building: constructing the routines and habits that do the heavy lifting so recovery isn't a decision you have to remake at your weakest moment. He starts by killing a myth — the "21 days to a habit" idea has been debunked since the 1960s. The research that actually holds up found a median of 66 days for a behavior to become automatic, with a wide range (roughly 18 to 254 days), and exercise-type habits taking longer. What matters more than the number: consistency beats intensity, and one missed day doesn't break a habit — it's the consecutive misses that do. As Anthony puts it, you don't relapse because you skipped one meeting; you relapse because you skipped it again and again. Then he walks through the keystone habits that make everything else easier: structuring your day around the danger hours (your old use times), protecting sleep as a genuine relapse driver, moving your body, getting into community, eating regularly (with HALT — hungry, angry, lonely, tired — as a daily craving gut-check), and a daily emotional check-in to name feelings before they drive a relapse. Running through all of it is the one keystone that holds the rest together: connection. Reach out on a good day so reaching out on a bad day is already wired in. This is lived experience, not clinical advice — but the science is real. Anthony references the meta-analytic evidence for exercise in substance use disorders, the large review of 12-step and mutual-help involvement, and James Clear's Atomic Habits on removing obstacles to make good habits easier and bad ones harder. This week's one thing: Pick one small habit. Anchor it to something you already do. Do it imperfectly. Recovery isn't for those who need it or want it — it's for those who do it. Recovering Out Loud is produced by ROL Productions. Anthony shares as a person in long-term recovery — peer to peer, lived experience only, never as a clinician or expert.
September 1 · 21 min
Perfectionism Is a Relapse Risk — Progress, Not Perfection
Perfectionism isn't a personality quirk — it's a documented relapse risk, and it doesn't switch off just because you got sober. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony unpacks how the same engine that drove the using — the need to be liked, to fit in, to perform, to be "the funny guy" — quietly follows us into recovery and sets up the next slip. We get into the difference researchers draw between perfectionistic strivings (high personal standards, which can be healthy) and perfectionistic concerns (fear of mistakes, dread of judgment, self-worth on the line) — and why the second one is the one that hurts you. Anthony walks through the abstinence violation effect: how it isn't the slip that relapses you, it's the shame spiral about the slip. He shares his own story of not even recognizing he was in a relapse — telling his story in a 12-step room while still in it — and the all-or-nothing "might as well burn it all down" thinking that turns one bad moment into a full return to use. This is lived experience, not clinical advice. But the tools Anthony names are evidence-based: catching all-or-nothing thoughts (a CBT move), self-compassion (backed by meta-analysis and RCTs showing it weakens maladaptive perfectionism), and deliberately doing one recovery thing imperfectly on purpose — the "B-minus" practice that teaches your brain you can fall short and survive it. If you've ever skipped the meeting because you couldn't do it right, quit the journal after one missed day, or worn the "I've got it together" mask while quietly drowning — this one's for you. Recovery doesn't ask you to be perfect. It asks you to be honest. This week's one thing: Do one recovery thing imperfectly, on purpose. Notice that you survive it. Recovering Out Loud is produced by ROL Productions. Anthony shares as a person in long-term recovery — peer to peer, lived experience only, never as a clinician or expert.
August 29 · 10 min
Trauma & Addiction: Gabor Maté & The Body Keeps the Score (An Honest Take)
Why the pain, not why the addiction? An honest, peer look at the trauma model of recovery. This week it's a solo one. I sit with two thinkers who reshaped how we talk about addiction — Gabor Maté (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts) and Bessel van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score) — and I try to do the thing recovery content usually skips: take what's genuinely useful, and stay honest about where it gets oversold. Maté's line — the question isn't why the addiction, it's why the pain — did more to pull shame out of addiction than almost anything this century. It reframes you from a bad person into a hurt person, and for a lot of us that's the first door out of self-hatred. Van der Kolk adds that trauma doesn't just live in your memory, it lives in the body and nervous system — which is why cravings and relapse aren't a simple willpower problem. I also get personal about what trauma actually is (it's not only the "big" events — it's how your body stored what happened), a grade-four moment I still carry, and the long work of forgiving myself, including after a relapse that cost me what I thought was seven and a half years. Then the other side. Critics like Stanton Peele and Nick Haslam point out that most people with addiction weren't traumatized as children, and most people who were traumatized don't become addicted — trauma raises risk, it doesn't write destiny. Richard McNally argues some of the science gets stated more strongly than the evidence supports. The danger for us in recovery: "my trauma made me this way" can flip from liberating to a life sentence. The honest frame — your pain is real, and you're still not sentenced by it. Understanding why you hurt is a starting line, not a verdict. Two questions I leave you with: – Does understanding my pain free me, or give me a place to hide? – My pain is real, and I'm still responsible for ______. Recovering Out Loud is peer-to-peer lived experience, not medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a professional or a trusted person in your life.
August 27 · 15 min
Surrender in Addiction vs in Recovery — Why Letting Go Isn't Giving Up
Surrender sounded like giving up — until it became the thing that finally let me stop losing. For years I thought surrender meant waving the white flag: defeat, quitting, rolling over. My ego hated it. This solo episode is me trying to do what nobody did for me early on — actually explain what surrender is, what it isn't, and how you practice it on an ordinary Tuesday. I get into the difference between compliance and surrender — a distinction the psychiatrist Dr. Harry Tiebout drew back in the 1950s. Compliance is going through the motions while privately keeping a date in your head for when you'll go back. Surrender is the internal shift where you stop reserving that exit. I was compliant through all three of my rehabs before I ever actually surrendered — and from the outside, the two look identical. Only you know the difference. I talk about my third time in treatment, the moment I handed over my drugs and said I'm done; why real surrender tends to show up right when the ego runs out of moves; and why it's never one-and-done. It's a state you keep returning to — in traffic, in a resentment, in a craving, in the things about my own health I can't control right now. I share the metaphor a therapist gave me: treat your anxiety, fear, and depression like guests knocking at the door. You can board it up, or you can invite them in for coffee and watch them leave on their own. And the paradox at the center of all of it: the more I surrender, the more freedom, peace, and quiet I actually get. If you're white-knuckling right now, here's the honest starting point — compliance counts. It gets you in the door. Surrender can come later. Recovery is simple. It's just not easy.
August 25 · 26 min
The 12 Principles That Actually Keep You Sober
Working the steps gets you sober. Living the principles keeps you there. All 12 — and why they hold. My mentor asks me one question: "How are you living today, Anthony?" It's easy to be a star in the rooms — shake hands, smile, say everything's great. But the magic is in the other 99% of life: the traffic, the argument, the boring Wednesday afternoon. Step 12 says to practice these principles in all our affairs, and this episode is about what that actually looks like day to day. Addiction ran on dishonesty, isolation, and being the center of my own universe. Recovery didn't work because I white-knuckled that old system harder — it worked because I started running a new one. That's what the principles are. And they keep you sober almost mechanically: you can't be honest, connected, of service, and paying attention, and also be quietly walking toward a relapse. Those two things can't run at the same time. I walk all twelve — what each one is, what it costs, and why living it keeps you from picking up. Take what works, leave the rest. There's no official list of these; this is the version I've lived with.
August 22 · 19 min
10 Things Alcoholics Do That Normal Drinkers Don't
Ten things I thought were normal until I got sober — supply math, pre-gaming, the morning panic. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a guy who did all ten of these, and didn't realize nobody else was living like this until I put it down. In this solo episode I walk through the behaviours that quietly separate problem drinking from normal drinking — the stuff we laugh about in the rooms because we all thought we were the only one. If you're sitting with the question "am I an alcoholic or not," this one's for you. I can't answer that for you. Nobody can. But maybe hearing your own life described back to you helps you decide. The 10: Supply math — knowing exactly how much is left, to the ounce Pre-gaming — warming up before the thing where you'll already be drinking "Just one" being a foreign concept — one was a starting pistol, not a finish line and more... A bit of my story is in here too: in recovery since 2015, a relapse around seven and a half years, and one and a half years sober again today. Grateful to be alive, grateful to be sober. None of this made me a bad person. It made me a person with a thing. And every one of these stopped the day I stopped. If you're new, or you've been here a while and needed the reminder — thank you for listening. Follow the show if you haven't; it's the best (and free-est) way to support it.
August 20 · 24 min
The Hidden Opportunities in Recovery (The Wins Nobody Claps For)
The wins nobody claps for are the ones that built your recovery. Here are the hidden ones. We throw parties for the first sober birthday and the first sober holiday. But nobody warns you about the first sober funeral, the first sober breakup, the first heartbreak you walk through with nothing to numb it. In this solo episode I share the opportunities that hid inside the hard parts of getting sober — the ones I almost missed because I was looking at them the wrong way. This one is a perspective shift. Addiction, for me, was a disease of perception — being stuck in my own view and unable to see another angle. Recovery keeps handing me a different lens. So I walk through the moments most of us overlook: — The quiet window after an urge passes. Cravings work like waves: they build, peak, and fade, usually faster than you'd think, if you don't feed them. The magic isn't the wave passing — it's the proof you bank when it does. "I survived that without using." That's a rep. — Boredom as data, not danger. Boredom is one of the most reliable relapse triggers there is. But it's a signal, not a threat — it's pointing at a gap. When you read it instead of running from it, it tells you what you actually need. — Resentment as a mirror. The people who get under my skin are usually holding up a mirror I don't want to look in. Every name on the resentment list is a pointer at a fear or a want of mine in disguise. It turns a hit list into a treasure map. — The 2 a.m. scroll as a check-in. The scroll isn't the problem — it's a symptom. Instead of piling on shame, I use it as my body raising its hand: what am I actually avoiding right now? — The hours you get back. Active addiction was a full-time job. Recovery didn't just remove the substance — it handed me back the clock. That reclaimed time is terrifying and it's the single biggest hidden opportunity there is. Don't just fill it so you don't drink. Build a life you don't want to escape from. A note before you listen: this is for the everyday hard feelings — the cravings, the resentments, the 4 p.m. dread. It is not a substitute for real help in a crisis. Some waves need a lifeguard, not a surfboard. Riding it out and reaching out are both strength — the work is knowing which one the moment calls for.

Showing 1–20 of 26 episodes