Notes from the Edge

Gamut Podcast Network

Notes From the Edge is where polished stories end and the truth begins. Hosted by writer, trauma educator, executive advisor, and author Lisa Lacy, this globally ranked podcast explores survival, identity, trauma, addiction, recovery, leadership, relationships, and reinvention through raw, deeply human conversations. No scripts. No small talk. Just the stories we were taught to hide, the roles we performed to survive, and the truths that set us free. What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the edge. www.lisalacy.com

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#106
Yesterday · 53 min
What If Behavior Isn’t the Problem? Childhood Trauma, Adoption, Nervous System Regulation & Trauma-Informed Parenting with Bryan Post
What if the behavior we’re trying to stop is actually trying to tell us something? Bryan Post is a child behavior expert and creator of the Fear to Love Method whose work challenges parents to see difficult behavior not as defiance, but as communication from a nervous system experiencing stress, fear or unmet needs. In this conversation, Bryan and Lisa explore what changes when adults stop trying to control behavior and start looking underneath it. They unpack why a stressed parent cannot regulate a stressed child, how consistency creates safety, and why the feelings we learned to suppress in childhood can continue driving our reactions decades later. Bryan also shares his “Reflect, Relate and Regulate” approach and a powerful story illustrating what can happen when a parent gets curious about the fear beneath a child’s behavior instead of immediately trying to correct it. In this episode: Childhood trauma and nervous system regulation Trauma-informed parenting and difficult behavior Adoption, attachment and emotional safety Why punishment and control can intensify stress Parent self-regulation and co-regulation How childhood survival patterns follow us into adulthood Grief, emotional healing and unresolved trauma Reflect, Relate and Regulate Moving from fear-based reactions toward connection Why behavior can be an opportunity rather than a problem Connect with Bryan: www.feartolove.com Connect with Lisa: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#105
Sunday · 13 min
Edge Note: Why does chaos feel like home?
Why can peace feel more uncomfortable than the crisis you spent years trying to escape? Lisa Lacy, trauma educator and host of Notes From the Edge, explores one of trauma’s strangest contradictions: the nervous system can mistake what is familiar for what is safe. In this solo episode, Lisa gets personal about becoming extraordinarily good at functioning inside chaos, from building a high-pressure career around competence and crisis management to constantly monitoring the emotional weather around her. She explores what happens when the emergency finally ends, but your body is still waiting for the next one, and why ordinary moments of safety can become part of retraining the nervous system. In this episode: Trauma, hypervigilance and the nervous system Why peace can feel boring, suspicious or unsafe When competence and productivity become survival strategies Overfunctioning, caretaking and monitoring other people’s emotions The difference between connection and intensity Why stable relationships can initially feel unfamiliar Learning to tolerate other people’s disappointment Resting without feeling like you have to earn it Teaching the nervous system that calm is safe How ordinary can eventually begin to feel like freedom Connect with Lisa: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#104
Saturday · 33 min
Edge Note: What Did We Forget After Kindergarten?
What did we know at five years old that we somehow forgot along the way? Tiffany Dennison is a kindergarten and first-grade educator with 22 years of experience whose work centers on play, belonging and social-emotional development. Her classroom offers a fascinating reminder that children may understand some of the fundamentals of being human long before adults complicate them. In this conversation, Tiffany and I talk about what happens when children are given enough time to actually play, why belonging and emotional safety have to come before learning, and what five-year-olds can teach adults about repairing conflict without dragging yesterday’s resentment into today. We also get into screen time, storytelling, nervous-system regulation and Tiffany’s own journey of recognizing and releasing people-pleasing. In this episode: Play-based learning and why unstructured play matters Social-emotional learning and childhood development Belonging, emotional safety and nervous-system regulation How children repair conflict differently than adults The effects of screens on connection, creativity and attention Storytelling as a tool for learning and human connection What adults model for children without realizing it People-pleasing, identity and learning to listen to your body Why slowing down may be one of the most important things children can teach us Connect with Lisa Lacy https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#103
Friday · 37 min
What Happens When Success Stops Working? Male Isolation, Emotional Healing & Personal Accountability with Daniel Sterling
Writer and memoirist Daniel Sterling spent much of his life chasing achievement, recognition, and the next version of success until he discovered that some of the hardest work a man can do happens in the few inches between his head and his heart. Daniel and Lisa talk about the childhood hunger to be seen that fueled his drive, from becoming a top U.S. alpine ski racer to television, filmmaking, and screenwriting, and what happened when that identity finally stopped sustaining him. They dig into male emotional isolation, the mentor who helped Daniel rebuild his life through self-study and accountability, and why raising emotionally whole boys requires adults willing to examine their own patterns first. In this episode: Male isolation and why emotional connection can be so difficult for men Achievement, validation, and using success as a substitute for feeling seen Midlife emotional collapse and rebuilding identity beyond performance Personal accountability, self-awareness, and dropping defensiveness Communication and healthier relationships Raising boys into emotionally whole men Why a meaningful apology requires changed behavior Letting go of ego and discovering who you are beyond accomplishments Connect with Daniel Sterling: https://daniel-sterling.com Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#102
Friday · 1 hr
What If Your Identity Was Built on a Secret? Late-Discovery Adoption, Family Secrets & Reclaiming Identity with Al Isaacs
What happens when everyone in your family knows the truth about your life except you? Al Isaacs, author of Finding Mary Smith and longtime comedian and improv teacher, joins Lisa Lacy to talk about discovering at 52 that he had been adopted and what happens to identity when the foundation of your own story suddenly shifts. Al takes us inside the ordinary phone call from his mother’s oncologist that accidentally exposed a secret his family had kept for more than five decades, and the search that followed through DNA, genealogy, Search Angels and the trail of a folk singer named Mary Smith. The conversation also moves into imposter syndrome, forgiveness, the power of improv’s “yes, and,” and the painful cost of family secrets, including the conversations we may lose when truth is withheld. In this episode: Late-discovery adoption and identity Family secrets, truth and belonging Gray-market adoption in the late 1960s DNA testing, genealogy and Search Angels Searching for a biological mother decades later Imposter syndrome and reclaiming identity Forgiveness without erasing what happened How “yes, and” helped Al keep moving when he wanted to give up The memories and relationships family secrecy can cost us Connect with Al: AlIsaacs.com Finding Mary Smith is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook. Connect with Lisa: LisaLacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#101
Thursday · 45 min
Are you performing your worth? Trauma, Treatment-Resistant Depression & ECT with Simone Bowyer
What if the traits you think are your personality are actually things you learned to do to survive? Simone Bowyer is a writer and founder of The Light Within Collective, whose work explores what she calls the “language of survival,” the patterns we develop to feel safe, loved, worthy, and less likely to be abandoned. In this conversation, Simone and I talk about perfectionism, hyper-independence, control, and overachievement as survival adaptations rather than simply personality traits. She shares her experience with severe treatment-resistant depression, years of psychiatric treatment, and ultimately electroconvulsive therapy, or ECT, which she describes not as a cure, but as something that finally created enough space for her to consider life beyond the darkness. We also take the conversation into the workplace, exploring why we cannot simply leave our wounds at home, what human-centered leadership can look like, and why psychological safety matters when the person who appears to be your highest performer may actually have a nervous system that never learned it was safe to stop. In this episode: • How childhood trauma can become perfectionism, people-pleasing, control, and hyper-independence • Treatment-resistant depression and Simone’s experience with ECT • Why recovery does not erase survival patterns overnight • Performing worth in order to feel lovable and avoid abandonment • Trauma, the nervous system, and high achievement • Psychological safety and human-centered leadership in the workplace • Why healing is not linear and does not have a timeline • Simone’s book, Chasing Light, and finding color again after years of depression • Moving from asking “What is wrong with me?” to asking “What did I learn to do to survive?” Connect with Simone Bowyer: The Light Within Collective https://lightwithincollective.co.za Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#100
Wednesday · 55 min
Would You Look Away? A Family’s Attempt to Escape Nazi Germany & the Cost of Being a Bystander with Ruth Stitt
Would you look away? Ruth E. Stitt is an author and licensed counselor whose family’s preserved letters from Nazi Germany reveal how persecution can unfold gradually, how difficult escape can become, and what happens when ordinary people decide whether to remain bystanders or stand up. In 1938, Ruth’s grandmother in Bridgeport, Connecticut received a letter from relatives in Berlin desperately searching for a way out of Nazi Germany. What followed was five years of correspondence filled with hope, fear, bureaucracy, attempted immigration, love and devastating loss. In this conversation, Ruth and Lisa go beyond the question, “Why didn’t they just leave?” They explore the financial, legal, political and emotional barriers Jewish families faced while trying to escape, the psychology of denial as danger slowly becomes normalized, and what fear and grief do to human beings under extraordinary pressure. They also talk about the choice that can remain when nearly everything else has been taken away: how we respond, who we love and whether we are willing to speak when someone else is being dehumanized. In this episode: • Holocaust history and life inside Nazi Germany • Jewish refugee immigration and the barriers to escape • Family letters documenting persecution as it unfolded • Denial, fear, grief and psychological survival • Why “Why didn’t they just leave?” misses the complexity of displacement • Choosing love when control has been stripped away • Turning documented family history into historical fiction • The difference between a bystander and an upstander • Moral courage, dehumanization and the responsibility to speak • Letting go of perfection, overachievement and the need to always have the answer Content note: This conversation includes discussion of the Holocaust, persecution, forced displacement, psychological trauma and profound loss. Connect with Ruth E. Stitt: https://scripturecomesto.life Find Ruth’s books on Amazon by searching Ruth E. Stitt. Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#99
September 15 · 57 min
Are old patterns running your life? Self-Awareness & Personality with Arky Jones
What if the patterns you keep repeating are not who you are, but behaviors you learned long ago and never stopped to question? Arky Jones, creator of Personality Peek, joins Notes From the Edge to explore how self-awareness can help us recognize the patterns quietly shaping our choices, relationships, work, and identity without turning personality into another label or box. This conversation gets practical fast. Lisa and Arky talk about what happens when we realize we have been living according to other people’s expectations, how toxic workplace dynamics can make us feel powerless, and why taking ownership sometimes starts with something as small as documenting your work, protecting your attention, or changing one percent of a pattern instead of trying to reinvent your entire life overnight. In this episode: Personality as a mirror instead of a label Self-awareness and recognizing unconscious patterns People-pleasing and living without full authorship of your life Stoicism and focusing on what you can actually control Toxic workplace dynamics and protecting your work Boundaries, attention, and deciding what you are willing to give Why honesty with yourself matters more than the personality result Arky’s “one percent” approach to practical personal growth Money, debt, freedom, and intentional decision-making How small conscious choices can change the direction of your life Personality Peek is designed to help people identify strengths, blind spots, and behavioral patterns without treating personality as something fixed or diagnostic. Connect with Arky Jones: https://personalitypeek.com Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://LisaLacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#98
September 12 · 40 min
What if the traits that make you successful stop working? Complex Trauma, High Achievement, Attachment & Nervous System Survival with Dr. Christopher Barker
Dr. Christopher Barker is a clinical psychologist and author whose work explores complex trauma, attachment, and one powerful idea: high functioning and psychological health are not always the same thing. In this conversation, we dig into what happens when competence, independence, perfectionism, and overachievement become survival adaptations. We talk about why you can intellectually know a relationship is unhealthy and still feel pulled toward it, why “energizing” can sometimes be mistaken for love, and how the nervous system can keep anticipating danger long after the original threat is gone. In this episode: • Complex trauma and high achievement • Attachment injuries in childhood and adulthood • Perfectionism vs. healthy ambition • Hypervigilance and waiting for the other shoe to drop • Why “activated” may be more useful than “triggered” • Trauma-informed relationships and finding safe support • Why healing may be better understood as repair • Rebuilding choice, trust, and freedom through repeated experiences Maybe the goal isn’t to get rid of every survival strategy that got you here. Maybe it’s simply to stop letting it run the company. Connect with Dr. Christopher: https://drchristopherbarker.com Connect with Lisa: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#97
September 10 · 13 min
Why is it so hard to leave when they hurt you? Trauma Bonding, Coercive Control & Abusive Relationships | Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy
Why can leaving someone who hurts you feel almost impossible? Lisa Lacy, trauma educator and relationship advisor, explores trauma bonding and why intelligence alone cannot protect us from relationships that reshape our attachment, reward, and stress systems. At 40, while in inpatient rehab, Lisa was told she was trauma bonded to her husband. Her response was, “I’m too smart for that.” It would take three more years to go fully no contact, and another three to work through the anger and resentment left behind. In this solo episode, she explains the biology of intermittent reinforcement, why separation can feel unbearable, and why shame rarely helps someone leave sooner. In this episode: Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement Coercive control in abusive relationships Dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol and the stress response Why people leave and return repeatedly No contact and breaking the cycle Moving from survival to self-trust Connect with Lisa: www.Lisa Lacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#96
September 10 · 37 min
How do you break free without labels? Faith, Neuroscience & Recovery with Rose Ann Forte
What happens when the life that looks successful from the outside is quietly falling apart underneath? Rose Ann Forte is an international bestselling author and creator of the Choose Freedom® Program, and her work explores how lasting change can happen without building an identity around shame. In this conversation, Lisa and Rose Ann talk about Rose Ann’s years as a successful executive and church leader while privately struggling with alcohol, toxic relationships, and the pressure to keep everyone else happy. They explore why traditional recovery language did not resonate with her, how neuroscience helped her understand deeply rooted behaviors, and how her Christian faith became part of rebuilding her identity. In this episode: • Alcohol use and behavioral habits • Recovery without shame-based labels • Faith and the renewing of the mind • Neuroscience and habit formation • Toxic relationships and people-pleasing • Self-condemnation versus lasting change • Identity after addiction • Learning to choose freedom Learn more about Rose Ann Forte: https://choosefreedom.today Learn more about Lisa Lacy: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#95
September 9 · 11 min
What Happens After You Survive Yourself? Suicide Prevention, Lived Experience & Finding Meaning-Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy
What if suicide prevention is about more than keeping someone alive for the next 72 hours? In this special September Suicide Prevention Month solo episode of Notes From the Edge, Lisa Lacy speaks from lived experience about her first suicide attempt at 15, later attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, and the complicated work of finding reasons to remain when life has become unbearable. Lisa remembers arriving at the hospital still wearing her cheerleader jacket, being met with shame instead of understanding, and later experiencing psychiatric interventions that contained a crisis without necessarily addressing the pain underneath it. She also explores what decades of survival have taught her about meaning, spirituality, mortality, human connection, and making life small enough to survive one hour, one breath, or one tomorrow at a time. In this episode: Suicide prevention through the lens of lived experience Surviving a suicide attempt as a teenager Why shame can deepen an already unbearable crisis Psychiatric hospitalization and the limits of crisis containment Trauma, suicidal thoughts, and emotional pain Why asking directly and listening without judgment matters Finding meaning when purpose feels impossible Spirituality, ancestors, and feeling connected when physically alone Surviving one hour instead of trying to solve an entire life Why a temporary state of consciousness should not make a permanent decision What Lisa wishes the 15-year-old version of herself could have known This is not a clinical guide to suicide prevention. It is one survivor’s perspective on what helped her continue, what did not, and why sometimes staying alive begins with making the horizon small enough to reach. If you are in immediate danger or believe you may act on suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 in the United States, contact emergency services, or go to the nearest emergency department. Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://LisaLacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#94
September 9 · 1 hr 2 min
Complex Trauma, Survival Identity & Disability Advocacy with Ashley Townsend
What if the thing you call your personality is actually something you learned to perform in order to survive? Ashley Townsend is a transformational and integration coach and complex trauma recovery specialist who spent 15 years working inside the mental health system before deciding that traditional labels and approaches were no longer enough. In this conversation, Ashley and I go straight into what made her become a self-described “former LCSW gone rogue.” We talk about what she witnessed working across domestic violence, addiction, foster care and trauma treatment, and how being blind shaped her own experience of trying to belong inside systems that often failed to see the whole person. Ashley also challenges the idea that personality is fixed, arguing that some of what we call personality may actually be protection we practiced until it became familiar. Then the conversation gets even deeper. Ashley shares how she performed being the “nice girl,” performed being sighted as she progressively lost her vision, and eventually performed the role of rescuer, believing she could carry systems and other people on her back. We explore why those protections were once brilliant, why they eventually become heavy, and what happens when we stop building our lives from fear and begin creating from love. In this episode: Complex trauma and the protective patterns underneath behavior Why Ashley chose to leave the traditional therapy model Disability advocacy and the experience of performing being sighted Mental health diagnoses, labels and the limitations of treating personality as fixed Why “just do it” can completely miss the context of trauma The difference between an explanation and an excuse Recovery as an ongoing process rather than a finish line Psychedelic preparation and integration, and why Ashley does not view psychedelics as a magic fix The “nice girl,” the rescuer and other identities we perform to belong Self-trust, play, the inner child and why healing does not always have to hurt What becomes possible when we stop fighting everything and start creating from love Connect with Ashley: http://www.findingyourphoenixcoaching.com/ Connect with Lisa: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the edge See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#93
September 8 · 59 min
What Do We Reach for When Purpose Is Gone? PTSD, Gambling Addiction & Life After War with Sean Carberry
What do we reach for when the thing that gave us purpose, identity, adrenaline, and belonging is suddenly gone? Sean Carberry is an award-winning journalist and former NPR Kabul correspondent whose experience raises a difficult question: what happens when you come home from years of danger, but your mind and body are still wired to look for it? In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Sean and Lisa Lacy talk about what happened after Afghanistan, when Sean returned to civilian life carrying undiagnosed PTSD, without the structure, intensity, or sense of purpose that had defined his years overseas. He describes walking into a Maryland casino about six weeks after coming home, initially gambling a few hundred dollars, and how the risk, rewards, recognition, casino perks, and escalating bets gradually began filling something that was missing outside those walls. The conversation goes far beyond gambling. Sean talks candidly about identity loss, loneliness, relationships, the psychological impact of years spent witnessing human suffering, and eventually recognizing patterns he could not see while he was living inside them. He also discusses how writing became part of processing his experiences and why we need to take much more seriously what happens when veterans, journalists, humanitarian workers, and others who have spent years operating in dangerous environments are expected to simply come home and resume ordinary life. In this episode: • PTSD after war and conflict reporting • Gambling addiction and compulsive gambling • Adrenaline seeking, risk, and the nervous system • Identity loss after leaving high-intensity environments • Returning home and adjusting to civilian life • Why danger can begin to feel familiar • Casino rewards, validation, and escalating gambling behavior • Loneliness, relationships, and destructive coping patterns • Mental health among journalists and war correspondents • Supporting veterans, reporters, humanitarian workers, and civilians after high-risk assignments • Why being functional does not necessarily mean someone is okay • Writing, memoir, and processing trauma • Learning to recognize patterns before they become destructive • Why coming home deserves as much attention as going into danger Sean’s work and books: passport-stamps.com Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge: lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#92
September 5 · 30 min
Why Do We Self-Sabotage? EFT, Nervous System Safety & Trauma Responses with Carol Look
What if the behavior you’re trying hardest to get rid of was once the very thing that helped you survive? Carol Look is a psychotherapist and founding EFT Master who has spent decades helping people understand the emotional patterns underneath self-sabotage, and why lasting change often begins with asking what the behavior is protecting us from. In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Carol and Lisa Lacy explore the idea that the problem was once the solution. Addiction, procrastination, people pleasing, overworking, staying invisible, and even creating chaos can serve a purpose when the nervous system believes they are keeping us safe. Carol explains why we are wired for safety before success, and why someone can consciously want more visibility, healthier relationships, greater success, or a completely different life while unconsciously pulling themselves backward when the next level doesn’t feel safe. Lisa shares her own experience of appearing highly successful while privately unraveling, using alcohol to avoid painful emotions, and later discovering how uncomfortable peace and stillness could feel after years of chaos. They also talk about functional freeze, grief, hypervigilance, the importance of mentorship, learning to regulate reactivity, and what becomes possible when we stop asking, “What is wrong with me?” and start asking, “Why am I doing this, and what is it protecting me from?” Carol also shares how growing up in an alcoholic family shaped her tendency to take care of everyone around her, how that survival skill eventually became an asset in her work, and why learning to extend that same care toward herself changed everything. In this episode: Why self-sabotage may actually be a protective response Nervous system regulation and why safety comes before success Fear of success, visibility, and “up-leveling” Why procrastination can have an emotional payoff Addiction as a way of anesthetizing difficult emotions EFT tapping and Emotional Freedom Techniques Trauma responses, hypervigilance, and emotional patterns Why peace and stillness can initially feel uncomfortable Functional freeze and appearing capable while internally checked out Grief, emotional avoidance, and learning to feel again People pleasing and taking care of others as survival strategies Why changing your own reactivity can change your relationships Gratitude, emotional well-being, and Carol’s Yes work The value of mentorship and support in personal growth Why healing doesn’t mean life stops being difficult The power of stillness, space, and finally hearing yourself Learn more about Carol Look and her work: www.carollook.com Learn more about Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#91
September 4 · 9 min
Closure, Betrayal Trauma & Rebuilding Self-Trust | Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy
How much longer are you willing to wait for someone else to validate what you already know happened? Lisa Lacy is a trauma educator and relationship advisor exploring one powerful idea: sometimes closure is not something another person gives you, it is something you create by trusting your own experience. In this short solo episode, Lisa shares what she learned from waiting for accountability, explanations, and validation that never came, and why healing began when she stopped requiring someone else’s version of the story to confirm her own. In this episode: Closure after betrayal Rebuilding self-trust Letting go of the need for an apology Boundaries without agreement Why unanswered questions keep us attached Moving forward without validation Connect with Lisa: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#90
September 3 · 33 min
When You Can’t Afford to Fall Apart: Grief, Fatherhood & Starting Over with Lee Ehlers
What happens when everyone needs you to be okay, but you’re barely surviving yourself? Hollywood screenwriter and producer Lee Ehlers spent years learning how to survive rejection, but nothing prepared him for the loss of his wife, Erin, or for discovering that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop pretending you’re okay. Lee’s professional breakthrough and personal devastation collided when his feature film EXES was finally being made as his high school sweetheart and wife of twenty years was dying from breast cancer. Suddenly widowed with children who were just 10, 7, and 5, Lee found himself trying to grieve while becoming the person they still needed every day. We talk about the private cost of performing the “strong dad,” the period when alcohol became the only way he could sleep through overwhelming grief, and the moment he finally admitted, “I’m not okay. I’m struggling.” In this episode: Grief after the death of a spouse Widowed fatherhood and raising children through loss Performing strength when you’re falling apart Depression, isolation, and asking for help Self-medication and coping with acute grief Why grief doesn’t follow a predictable process Supporting someone who is grieving without prescribing how they should heal The strange collision of happy memories and devastating loss Starting over after losing the person you built your life with Identity after loss Persistence through rejection and uncertainty Nearly two decades of pursuing a Hollywood career Screenwriting, creativity, and finding your own writing process What repeated rejection can teach us about survival The making of EXES Why saying “I’m not okay” can be the beginning of getting help Watch Lee Ehlers’ film EXES on Amazon: EXES on Amazon ⁠ Lisa Lacy | Notes From the Edge: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#89
September 2 · 46 min
Why men are lonely and healthy masculinity with Michael Ostrolenk
What if real masculine strength has less to do with pushing harder and more to do with learning how to regulate yourself, feel deeply, and stay present under pressure? Michael Ostrolenk, licensed marriage and family therapist and master coach, joins Lisa Lacy to explore one central idea: mature masculinity is not domination, suppression, or performance. It is self-governance. Michael introduces his concept of “Negative 20X,” challenging high performers to consider whether slowing down may require more courage than pushing harder. Lisa and Michael also unpack his Sovereign Gentleman framework, including how unconscious conditioning shapes identity, why men need spaces to experience and express emotion, and what disciplined presence actually looks like inside a relationship. In this episode: Healthy masculinity and masculine maturity Nervous system regulation under pressure The Sovereign Gentleman and psychological sovereignty Male loneliness, mentorship, friendship, and the need for tribe Why high performers struggle with rest and recovery “Negative 20X” and the drive to constantly prove yourself Emotional intelligence, anger, sadness, shame, and healthy expression Masculinity versus domination Disciplined presence during relationship conflict How childhood and cultural conditioning shape adult identity Martial arts, self-defense, capability, and personal responsibility Why kindness can be an expression of strength Connect with Michael Ostrolenk: Website: www.michaeldostrolenk.com Substack: Michael D. Ostrolenk / @michaeldostrolenk LinkedIn: Michael Ostrolenk, MA, MFT YouTube: @michaeldostrolenk Podcast: Resilience Redefined with Michael D. Ostrolenk Team Fudoshin: teamfudoshin.com Connect with Lisa Lacy: What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#88
September 1 · 44 min
Emotional Sobriety, Addiction Recovery & Healing What Still Hurts with Dr. Dean & HollyKem Sunseri
What happens when you stop the addiction, but the pain underneath it is still running your life? Dr. Dean Sunseri, licensed professional counselor, and HollyKem Sunseri, certified life coach with more than four decades in recovery, explore the work they call emotional sobriety: healing the emotional wounds and protective patterns that can remain long after the substance or destructive behavior is gone. In this conversation, we go beyond abstinence and into what Dean and HollyKem call Stage Two recovery. We talk about why unresolved pain can “seep out” through substitute addictions, anger, isolation, control, relationship conflict, or other coping behaviors, and why simply stopping a behavior doesn’t necessarily heal what created it. They walk us through their framework of the Protector, Wounded Child, and True Self, including how learning to recognize which part of us is speaking can restore choice instead of leaving us controlled by old survival responses. We also explore relationships, why one person changing can change the entire “dance,” and why reconnecting may need to happen before a couple can actually solve the problem they’re fighting about. In this episode: Emotional sobriety and Stage Two addiction recovery Why abstinence may be only the beginning of healing Substance addiction, behavioral addiction, and substitute addictions The emotional pain underneath compulsive and self-destructive behavior The Protector, Wounded Child, and True Self Trauma, triggers, and protective survival responses Why healing doesn’t mean never being triggered again Learning to love the parts of yourself you once tried to escape Self-compassion versus shame in addiction recovery Moving from survival mode into choice, purpose, and emotional freedom Relationships, resentment, defensiveness, and emotional disconnection Why one partner’s growth can change the relationship dynamic Reconnecting before trying to resolve conflict Boundaries, responsibility, forgiveness, and healthy communication Finding purpose after addiction and survival Dr. Dean & HollyKem Sunseri: 1. Take the free Emotional Sobriety Assessment: https://dean-jsegmrly.scoreapp.com 2. Get the Book A Roadmap to the Soul Today! https://amzn.to/478rNG8 3. Learn more about Dean & HollyKem Sunseri: https://www.ihaveavoice.com 4. Watch Free Videos on Emotional Sobriety: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsbxvHYHG8El81rdV6eQ7gM7S55jXPm49&si=FOa14n7V-5OLJOQJ Lisa Lacy | Notes From the Edge: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
#87
August 29 · 13 min
Who Told You That? | Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy
Who told you that you were too sensitive, too difficult, selfish, dramatic, unstable, or simply too much? And when did someone else’s opinion become part of your identity? In this solo episode of Notes From the Edge, trauma educator Lisa Lacy explores how labels, family roles, survival adaptations, and other people’s perceptions can quietly become the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, and what can happen when we finally question who handed us those stories in the first place. Lisa examines the difference between personality and adaptation, why competence can become armor, and how a label can stop an investigation before it ever begins. She also shares how this question has surfaced while writing Notes From a Certified Madwoman, now autofiction, and why sometimes finding yourself is less about becoming someone new and more about subtracting everybody else. In this episode: How childhood and relationship labels can become identity “Too sensitive,” “difficult,” “selfish,” and the power of labeling Competence as strength versus competence as survival armor Why boundaries can feel threatening to people who benefited from your compliance Family roles, scapegoating, and resistance when one person changes The difference between accountability and self-erasure Survival adaptations that become adult personality traits Why proving a label wrong can still allow it to control your life What happens when you enter an environment where you are no longer “too much” The question that can interrupt an old identity: Who told you that? Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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