The Real Reason So Many Kids Are Struggling Today | Dr. Milobsky
A four-year-old boy who can't sit still for circle time used to just be a four-year-old boy. Now it's an evaluation, a diagnosis, a meeting where you nod politely and then cry in the car. That's where this conversation started, and it's the one I've been wanting to have for a long time. I'm a mother of three boys, and Dr. Michael Milobsky said the thing I've felt in my body for years: most of the boys who end up in his office are completely normal. The label is the problem, not the boy. He's a pediatrician of thirty years and a father of seven, and he told me he learned more from raising his own kids than from any of his training. He changed my mind on things I walked in sure about, which I don't say often. We get into why our boys are in crisis and what mislabeling does to a boy by the time he's fourteen. What our daughters actually need to grow up confident, which is not the conversation girl moms are being handed. Why he calls ADHD an operating system and not a disorder. And the one thing a father gives a child that a mother can't, which, to my surprise, is not discipline. It's regulation. Then it turned, the way the best ones do. He told me about the pain he carried in his body for years and refused to look at, until it cost him his leg, and what he found waiting on the other side of finally listening to it. His line for it: losing his leg let him grow wings. I came into this conversation thinking about my children. I left it thinking about myself. This is for the mother who has been told her child has a problem. For the one quietly certain she's doing all of this wrong. For the one who keeps promising she'll get to herself later. Our kids are not broken. A lot of what we're labeling in them is really just what we haven't looked at in ourselves, and you being okay is the single most powerful thing you'll ever give them. This is Dr. Michael Milobsky. New episodes of Not Alone every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one. Follow Dr. Michael: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_michael_milobsky TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr_mikem Your Kids Will Be Fine (podcast): https://www.youtube.com/@Dr_Michael_Milobsky Chicken Soup Concierge Care: https://www.chickensoupdenver.com/ Follow Valeria: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valerialipovetsky TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@valeria.lipovetsky Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerialipovetskyblog Shop my look from this episode: https://shopmy.us/collections/7798209 Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/valerialipovetsky What we talked about: 2:06 How I found him, and why I manifested this conversation 2:47 The one parenting book I threw across the room 3:53 Why boys are in trouble right now 4:31 The normal boys getting labeled as a problem 5:10 Boy brains and girl brains are on different timelines 5:34 What actually changed inside the schools 7:00 What boys really need between three and five 8:42 What a label at four does to a boy at fourteen 10:06 Mislabeled boys grow into angry men 10:47 What Denmark gets right about early childhood 11:32 How to make up for it if your kids are past that window 12:04 The five things every kid needs, starting with a third place 13:03 Boredom is a skill now 13:39 Why we stopped letting our kids risk and fail 14:20 Why did we become this way? 14:56 The culture of safetyism, and the phone as an umbilical cord 19:11 Our parents were submarines 20:02 How our own anxiety gets passed straight to our kids 20:48 The demotion, and whether mothers do this more 21:32 The most important skill: learning to apologize to your kids 22:11 When mothers need to step back, starting when they walk 23:19 Why stepping back gets harder as they get older 24:43 The unresolved wounds we parent from 25:22 What's happening with our daughters that nobody's naming 26:49 The girl I was scared to raise 27:13 How a daughter absorbs her mother's emotional weather 27:31 The two modes so many men were raised with 29:10 The unique thing a mother and father each give a daughter 33:00 The five things, and why all roads lead to the phone 34:29 The right age for a smartphone 35:25 Why it has to be collective, not one family on an island 36:46 Shabbat, and the power of a weekly reset 37:00 ADHD is not a disorder, it's an operating system 39:29 Should you get the diagnosis, and the label fear 40:30 The negative story kids write about themselves without one 41:13 Landing on the right professional, not just medication 43:30 The other things that look exactly like ADHD 46:19 Iron, omega-3, and vitamin D 49:11 What raising seven kids taught him that medical school didn't 50:19 Parenting anxiety, and the Lindsay Clancy case 53:41 Where do mothers actually go for help? 54:08 Postpartum depression is neurobiology, not weakness 1:00:36 Why we're the most lost generation, and the village we lost 1:02:22 The night-nurse gift, and building each other a village 1:03:07 What a father gives that a mother can't: regulation 1:04:14 The two crayons in the box: anger or withdrawal 1:06:30 Where modern culture gets fatherhood most wrong 1:07:00 Planting and building: the two jobs of a parent 1:11:58 His own story, and the body that kept score for years 1:14:30 Losing the leg to grow wings 1:16:00 The body keeps score, and getting to yourself before it's too late 1:19:17 What he'd say to a mother listening right now 1:19:30 Rapid fire 1:21:00 What parents aren't saying out loud This episode touches on postpartum depression and maternal mental health. If you or someone you love is struggling, Postpartum Support International can help: call or text 1-800-944-4773, or visit postpartum.net. Disclaimer: The links in this description are sponsor or affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a credit or commission at no additional cost to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
