Married After Kids

Dr. Lindsay Cavanagh

Married After Kids is a podcast dedicated to strengthening marriages for parents after having kids. Hosted by Dr. Lindsay Cavanagh, psychologist turned marriage coach, this podcast discusses all the ways children can challenge your marriage, while also offering effective, evidence-based solutions to help make marriages stronger and more enjoyable, which makes parenting and life so much easier. Married After Kids will completely transform how you look at marriage and give you the tools to have the marriage you want and need.

Play

Open in

30 episodes
weekly
Avg 32 min
English

Episodes 30

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.

Monday · 30 min
Ep. 142: Tired of "Nothing I Do Is Good Enough For You"?
You try to bring up one need so you can work through it together, but somehow the conversation turns into whether your spouse is ever good enough for you. In this episode, I’m breaking down the frustrating dynamic that happens when a hurt, request, or unmet need is met with “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you,” “Your standards are too high,” or “I guess I just suck.” We’ll look at what may actually be happening underneath that response and why it can leave the original issue completely unresolved. I’m also sharing how to stop getting pulled into the same cycle, make conversations about your marriage feel less threatening, and create more space for both of you to talk about what you need without turning it into proof that someone is failing. Tune in to discover: • Why “nothing I do is good enough” derails the conversation • What may actually be underneath that defensive response • Why having a need doesn’t mean your spouse is failing • How to turn “we need to talk” into something positive • What can make relationship conversations feel safer and more productive Join my 12-Day Managing the Mental Load of Holiday Magic Challenge: Spend five minutes or less each day reducing holiday stress, resentment, and mental load so you can actually enjoy the magic you’re creating. Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
October 26 · 32 min
Ep. 141: Managing the Mental Load of Holiday Magic
The holidays can feel magical for everyone except the person doing all the work to make them magical. In this episode, I'm talking about the extra mental load that comes with the holiday season and why it can so easily turn into resentment, tension, and feeling uncared for in your marriage. Because behind the gifts, traditions, activities, and special moments is often an enormous amount of invisible work that someone is carrying. I'm sharing the first three steps from my Managing the Mental Load of Holiday Magic challenge to help you understand what's already weighing on you, reduce some of the resentment you're carrying, and make the invisible parts of the holidays easier to actually do something about. Tune in to discover: • Why holiday magic can create so much resentment • The invisible load that grows during the holiday season • What your past holidays may be bringing into this one • The shift that can soften tension before you tackle the logistics • How to make your holiday mental load more visible and manageable Join my 12-Day Managing the Mental Load of Holiday Magic Challenge: Spend five minutes or less each day reducing holiday stress, resentment, and mental load so you can actually enjoy the magic you’re creating. Starts November 14. Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing!
October 19 · 40 min
Ep. 140: The Fastest Tool to Break Through the Mental Load Barrier with Dr. Morgan Cutlip
If every conversation about the mental load turns into defensiveness, frustration, or another fight, explaining it again may not be the answer. In this episode, I'm joined again by relationship expert and bestselling author Dr. Morgan Cutlip to talk about why the mental load becomes such a difficult issue to solve after kids and what her research reveals about how men and women experience it differently. We dig into the resentment, perception gaps, and invisible pieces that can leave both partners feeling misunderstood or unappreciated. Morgan also shares a new practical tool I've started using with my own clients to help couples see what's really happening beneath their mental load struggles and figure out where to start creating change without adding even more work to the person who's already overwhelmed. Tune in to discover: • Why mental load conversations become so defensive • What women want most from their partners • The missing piece men want women to hear • A practical way to make the invisible load visible • How to finally figure out where to start Resources: • Morgan’s CARE Load Report: https://bettershareapp.com/care-load-report (Use code MAK10) • Morgan’s book: A Better Share • Lindsay’s 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call • Follow @marriedafterkids and @drmorgancutlip on Instagram!
October 12 · 25 min
Ep. 139: The Real Reason Your Spouse Isn't Validating You In The Way You Need
Your spouse may be trying to help and still be giving you the exact opposite of what you need. In this episode, I'm breaking down why one person can be asking for emotional support while the other is offering explanations, solutions, or logic, and why those two approaches can make it feel like you're speaking completely different languages. We’ll look at what may actually be happening underneath these frustrating conversations and why validation can feel so hard to give and receive. Most importantly, I'm sharing three practical shifts to help you move out of the same frustrating back-and-forth and toward conversations where both of you can actually feel heard, understood, and cared for. Tune in to discover: • Why your spouse may struggle to validate you in the way you need • The reason logic and emotion can completely miss each other • How your attachment style can make these conversations even harder • What may need to happen before a productive conversation can begin • Three shifts to help you feel more heard and understood Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
October 5 · 41 min
Ep. 138: Picky Eating Is a Marriage Problem Too with Katie Kimball
Picky eating doesn't just affect kids. It can shape your meals, your mental load, and even the way you and your spouse relate to each other. In this episode, I'm joined by Katie Kimball, author of The Picky Eater Playbook, to talk about what happens when you have a picky eater in the family, whether that's your child, your spouse, or both. We unpack why mealtimes can become so stressful, how well-intentioned habits can keep the struggle going, and what may need to shift before food feels easier. Tune in to discover: • Why picky eating may be affecting more than mealtime • The habits that can unintentionally keep picky eating going • What changes when the picky eater is your spouse • How food struggles can add to the mental load • What can make family meals feel easier again Pre-order The Picky Eater Playbook: raisinghealthyfamilies.com/pickymarried Connect with Lindsay: • Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call • Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! • Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System!
September 28 · 36 min
Ep. 137: Dismissive Avoidance and the Mental Load: How to ACTUALLY Get Peace in Your Marriage
If all you want is less conflict, some of the things you're doing to keep the peace may actually be creating more of it. In this episode, I'm breaking down how dismissive avoidant attachment can show up in mental load fights and why conversations about household responsibilities, emotions, or unmet needs can feel so frustrating for both partners. If you've ever thought, "Just tell me what you need," wondered why nothing you do seems to be enough, or wanted the conversation to simply be over, this episode is for you. We'll look at the patterns that can keep these same arguments repeating and the shifts that can help you create more connection, less resentment, and the kind of peace you're actually looking for in your marriage. Tune in to discover: • How dismissive avoidance can fuel mental load fights • Why trying to avoid conflict can create even more of it • The mental load patterns you may not realize you're repeating • The surprising connection between mental load and intimacy • What can help the same arguments finally stop repeating Resource Mentioned in Episode • Dr. Morgan Cutlip’s Care Load Report: https://bettershareapp.com/care-load-report (Use code MAK10 for $10 off!) Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
September 21 · 21 min
Ep. 136: One Shift To Make to Get Out of Marriage Shutdown
You can put a lot of effort into fixing your marriage and still feel like nothing is changing if you're solving the wrong problem. In this special episode, I'm giving you a listen inside my new private audio course, Marriage Shutdown After Kids. I'm sharing the first of three shifts that can help you rebuild the love and care that's been missing and understand why the thing you think is keeping your marriage stuck may not actually be where you need to start. You'll hear how I learned this in my own marriage, why common solutions don't always create the change you're hoping for, and how to identify the area that could become the first domino toward something better. Tune in to discover: • The first shift to make when you're stuck in Marriage Shutdown • Why fixing the obvious problem may not be working • How to identify what's actually keeping your marriage stuck • The four areas that create the foundation of a healthy marriage • How to find the first domino that can start creating real change This episode is a preview of my free five-part private audio course, Marriage Shutdown After Kids: The Three Proven Shifts That Finally Rebuild the Love and Care That's Been Missing Since You Had Kids. Listen to the full series here: Marriage Shutdown After Kids Download the Marriage Shutdown Checklist
September 14 · 25 min
Ep. 135: Back to School Systems Your Marriage Needs
Back to school doesn't just change your kids' routines. It can completely change the rhythm of your marriage too. In this episode, I'm sharing the three systems my spouse and I intentionally revisit when we move from summer into the school routine. Because without even realizing it, new schedules can create new expectations, mental load imbalances, and patterns that quickly become "just the way we do things." We'll talk about how to get ahead of the friction before resentment builds, stay connected when your schedules suddenly get busier, and communicate about what you need before the small annoyances turn into bigger fights. Tune in to discover: • The back to school systems that can protect your marriage • How new routines create responsibilities you never consciously agreed to • Why getting ahead of the mental load matters before resentment builds • How to stay connected when school and activities take over your schedule • What to communicate early so small frustrations don't become fights Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
September 7 · 37 min
Ep. 134: Anxious Attachment and the Mental Load: What You Can Actually Do About It
If mental load fights feel much bigger than the task in front of you, anxious attachment may be part of the reason. In this episode, I'm taking a closer look at how anxious attachment can show up around the mental load and why these patterns can leave you feeling overwhelmed, unsupported, and stuck. If you've ever wondered why a forgotten task or an uneven responsibility can hit so hard, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening underneath the fight. But this isn't just about understanding the pattern. I'm sharing practical shifts that can change how you carry, communicate about, and respond to the mental load so you can start creating something healthier for yourself and your marriage. Tune in to discover: • Why mental load fights can feel so personal with anxious attachment • The pattern that keeps you doing more while resenting it • Why "they should just know" can create even more disconnection • What needs to happen before productive mental load conversations can happen • How to start changing the cycle without trying to fix everything at once Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
August 31 · 38 min
Ep. 133: Which Attachment Style Is Running Your Mental Load Fights?
You may think you're fighting about the mental load, but the real argument could be happening underneath it. In this episode, I'm breaking down how your attachment style can shape the way you experience, manage, and fight about the mental load in your marriage. Because when one spouse sees help as a sign of love while the other sees the exact same situation as pressure, criticism, or a threat to their independence, better communication alone may not solve the problem. We'll look at anxious, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and secure attachment to understand why the same mental load can feel completely different to each person. You'll also learn why the calendars, lists, and systems you've tried may keep failing and what needs to happen underneath the logistics before you can actually create lasting change. Tune in to discover: • How your attachment style shapes the way you carry the mental load • Why your spouse may experience the exact same responsibilities completely differently • The hidden fears fueling resentment, defensiveness, and withdrawal • Why better communication and better systems aren't always enough • What secure attachment can teach you about handling the mental load together Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
August 24 · 33 min
Ep. 132: What Your Marriage is Teaching Your Children
Your kids are paying attention to your marriage, even when you think they aren't. In this episode, I'm taking an honest look at what research tells us about how marriage and parental conflict can impact children. We talk about why conflict itself isn't necessarily the problem, what kids are actually picking up on at home, and why the way you communicate with your spouse matters far beyond your relationship. This isn't about guilt or creating a perfect marriage for your kids. It's about understanding how the emotional climate in your home affects them, what healthy conflict can look like, and why working on your marriage may be one of the most meaningful things you can do for your entire family. Tune in to discover: • What your children are learning from your marriage • Why conflict itself isn't necessarily harmful to kids • How tension and unresolved conflict affect the emotional climate at home • What research reveals about marriage, parenting, and children's well-being • Why changing how you communicate can positively impact your kids Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
August 17 · 33 min
Ep. 131: Your Health Is At Risk
When you think about living a longer, healthier, happier life, you probably think about exercise, nutrition, sleep, or genetics. But decades of research point to something else entirely. In this episode, I'm diving into findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development and what they mean for your marriage after kids. We explore what decades of research reveal about living a longer, healthier, happier life, why marriage so easily gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list after becoming parents, and why getting support shouldn't be something you wait to do until your relationship is falling apart. Tune in to discover: • The surprising connection between your marriage and your long-term health • What decades of Harvard research reveal about the biggest predictors of health and happiness • Why marriage gets deprioritized so easily after having kids • How the stress of parenthood can impact your relationship over time • Why taking care of your marriage isn't a luxury Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a 60 Minute Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
August 10 · 37 min
Ep. 130: Is Social Media Making Marriage After Kids Harder? with Dr. Morgan Cutlip
Social media has changed the way we parent, the expectations we place on ourselves, and even the way we experience our marriages. But what if the constant comparison and pressure to "do it all right" are making family life feel harder than it needs to be? In this episode, I'm joined by relationship expert and bestselling author Dr. Morgan Cutlip to explore how social media influences modern parenting, mental load, and marriage after kids. Together, we unpack why so many parents feel overwhelmed, how unrealistic expectations create unnecessary pressure, and practical ways to build a healthier relationship with both your partner and your social media feed. Tune in to discover: • How social media shapes your expectations of marriage and parenthood • Why comparison fuels overwhelm and disconnection • Practical ways to protect your relationship from unrealistic standards • How to reconnect when life after kids feels out of balance • Why authenticity matters more than perfection for healthy families Connect with Dr. Morgan Cutlip: • Website: https://drmorgancutlip.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancutlip Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Connect with Lindsay: Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
August 3 · 29 min
Ep. 129: The Painful Lie I Believed About My Marriage
One belief about your marriage can shape every conversation, every disagreement, and every moment of disconnection. But what if that belief just wasn't true? In this episode, I'm sharing one of the most painful lies I believed during the hardest season of my own marriage and how it kept us stuck in Marriage Shutdown. We explore why our brains are wired to believe this story, how it changes the way we interpret our spouse's actions, and the practical shifts that helped us reconnect and begin moving forward. Tune in to discover: • The lie that kept me stuck in Marriage Shutdown • Why your brain may be convincing you it's true • How this belief fuels conflict and disconnection • Simple ways to rebuild trust and connection daily • How to stop solving the wrong problem in your marriage Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
July 27 · 33 min
Ep. 128: I Don't Have a Name For This Dynamic Other Than Marriage Shutdown
One partner feels like they have to carry everything. The other feels like nothing they do is ever enough. Over time, both people start pulling away, resentment grows, and the marriage begins to shut down. In this episode, I'm unpacking a relationship pattern I see over and over again with the couples I coach. We explore how this dynamic develops after having kids, why neither partner intentionally creates it, and the practical shifts each person can make to stop the cycle before it leads to burnout, disconnection, or divorce. Tune in to discover: • The dynamic that creates marriage shutdown • Why one partner feels like they can't opt out • How resentment and burnout fuel disconnection • What each spouse can do to break the cycle • Why changing your side can transform your marriage Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
July 20 · 31 min
Ep. 127: Love Languages Keeping You Stuck?
The Five Love Languages have helped millions of couples better understand each other. But what if the way you're using them is actually creating more frustration, disappointment, and distance in your marriage? In this episode, I'm unpacking the biggest mistakes couples make with love languages and why they sometimes leave people feeling even less loved than before. We also explore why some couples have moved away from love languages altogether, and how to use this popular framework in a way that builds connection instead of resentment. Tune in to discover: • The biggest mistake couples make with love languages • Why love languages alone won't fix your marriage • How using them the wrong way creates resentment • Why your relationship needs change over time • A healthier way to use love languages to build connection Book a Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
July 13 · 34 min
Ep. 126: The “Nothing Will Change In My Marriage” Marriage
When you've tried the conversations, read the books, gone to counseling, and nothing seems to be different, it's easy to start believing your marriage will never change. That loss of hope can leave you feeling trapped between staying unhappy or walking away. In this episode, I'm speaking directly to the couples who feel stuck. We unpack the most common reasons people believe change isn't possible, why those beliefs can keep you in marriage shutdown, and what you can do when you've reached the point where you're convinced nothing will ever get better. Tune in to discover: • Why so many couples lose hope in their marriage • The biggest beliefs keeping you stuck in marriage shutdown • What to do when you've "tried everything" without success • Why your spouse doesn't have to change first for progress to happen • How to find hope again, even when your marriage feels impossible Book a 60 Minute Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
July 6 · 27 min
Ep. 125: Why I Tell My Clients Not To Say I'm Sorry
Most of us have been taught that saying "I'm sorry" is the key to repairing conflict. But what if those two words are actually keeping your marriage stuck? In this episode, I'm sharing why I've started encouraging many of my coaching clients to stop saying "I'm sorry" during conflict, at least for a while. We unpack why apologies often lose their meaning, what your spouse is actually looking for after they've been hurt, and the simple shift that leads to deeper trust, connection, and lasting change. Tune in to discover: • Why "I'm sorry" often isn't enough to repair conflict • The reasons apologies stop working in marriage • What your spouse actually needs after they've been hurt • How validation creates trust and emotional safety • A simple communication shift that transforms difficult conversations Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
June 29 · 32 min
Ep. 124: Dealing with Resentment In Your Marriage
Resentment rarely shows up overnight. It builds slowly through the missed conversations, the unspoken disappointments, the unequal load, and the feeling that you're carrying more than your fair share. Before you know it, that resentment can start coloring everything in your marriage. In this episode, I'm digging into one of the most common and damaging challenges couples face after having kids: resentment. We explore why it develops, why it can feel so difficult to shake, and the everyday patterns that keep it growing beneath the surface. If you've ever found yourself feeling irritated, disconnected, unappreciated, or wondering why small things seem to bother you so much, this conversation will help you understand what's really going on and what you can do about it before resentment takes over your relationship. Tune in to discover: • Why resentment is often the result of hundreds of small moments, not one big event • How mental load and unequal responsibility fuel resentment in marriage • The role unmet needs and expectations play in creating disconnection • Why feeling unappreciated can have such a powerful impact on your relationship • What resentment is trying to tell you and how to address it before it leads to marriage shutdown Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book
June 22 · 34 min
Ep. 123: Are These 5 Things Keeping You From Seeing Changes In Your Marriage?
Most couples want a better marriage, but wanting change and creating change are not the same thing. Sometimes the biggest obstacles are not the obvious ones. They are the patterns, habits, and blind spots that get in the way of progress, even when both people care deeply about the relationship. In this episode, I’m breaking down five common barriers that can keep couples from seeing meaningful change in their marriage. From unrealistic expectations and emotional safety issues to listening mistakes and losing sight of fun, these are the patterns I see repeatedly keep couples stuck, discouraged, and wondering why nothing seems to be getting better. Tune in to discover: • How unrealistic expectations create frustration in marriage • Why listening to understand changes everything • The role emotional safety plays in connection • Why knowing what to do is different than actually doing it • How having fun together impacts your relationship more than you think Leave a review for a chance to win The Us System! Let’s Connect! Book a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call Check out my 60 Min Marriage Shutdown Breakthrough Call Follow me on Instagram so you don’t miss a thing! FREE Resources: • Marriage Shutdown Checklist • The 3 Secrets to a Happier Marriage Video • 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less) E-Book

Showing 1–20 of 30 episodes