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Love and Abuse

Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert

Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of difficult behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse offers the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage.

You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a psychological game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.

https://loveandabuse.com/

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25 episodes
weekly
Avg 31 min
English

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#189
October 16 · 46 min
When they lie and lie and lie
Is one lie too many? Is honesty important in your relationship? Is it so important that if they lied once, you could forgive. If they lied twice, perhaps you could get past it. But what if they simply don't stop lying? What's after that?
- Transcript
#188
October 9 · 30 min
The early warning signs and red flags that make up an emotionally abusive relationship
Are there early warning signs that signal the strong possibility of a relationship becoming abusive? Yes. Absolutely. And you should know them. There are many, unfortunately. Knowledge is power - and this episode is all about your power.
- Transcript
#187
October 1 · 26 min
When there's zero reprieve and it's always bad
Every single thing you do is not only not good enough, but on top of that, you're insulted, belittled, put down, and shamed in front of others. There is absolutely no reprieve from some people. It's like they don't even like you, let alone love you.
- Transcript
#186
September 23 · 27 min
In the never-ending rut of hoping they change
When you're exposed to toxic behavior day after day, you get stuck in a rut with walls so high that you feel like you can never get out. Sometimes a slight shift in mindset allows you to find the first stepping stone toward the top. It may take a while, but there is a path out of the in-the-rut thinking.
- Transcript
September 10 · 24 min
Can you get past more aggressive or physical abuse?
Physical abuse is the totality of all abuse in one package. It's violent and extremely damaging. And the victim of such aggressive behavior can literally be scarred for life. I hope you never experience anything like it. But if you have, this episode may be helpful to you.
- Transcript
#184
September 2 · 26 min
When the relationship boundaries are broken a second time
- Transcript
#183
August 27 · 38 min
Someone's obsession of you can be disastrous
It can feel amazing when someone focuses entirely on you, supporting you, helping you achieve whatever makes you happy... until it turns into a nightmare.
- Transcript
#182
August 21 · 22 min
Isolating you from everything and everyone, leaving you a shell of your former self
Isolation is one of the more destructive forms of emotional abuse, yet many people don't realize it's happening. They simply notice they no longer feel happy or fulfilled. Understanding how isolation works gives you the foundation to make decisions from a place of empowered knowledge instead of from a place someone else has put you in.
- Transcript
#181
August 14 · 13 min
They call me names, put me down, tell me how pathetic I am - I guess I'm the problem.mp3
Are you the problem if nothing you do is ever right or good enough? Could they possibly be right about everything they're saying? If you believe this, please listen to this episode. It might just save you a lot of doubt and confusion.
- Transcript
#180
July 9 · 49 min
It's me or them: When someone wants to control your relationship with others
When someone wants to control who you see by giving you an ultimatum between them and "me", you might have a hard choice to make. Or, maybe it's an easy choice, but it might be hard to get there from here.
- Transcript
#179
July 2 · 25 min
Being called a bad parent if you want to leave the abusive relationship
You realize the relationship isn't going to work out and want to leave, but you're worried about being called a bad parent. Not only that, you are guaranteed to be called a bad parent by an abusive partner. Are you stuck in this relationship forever?
- Transcript
#178
June 26 · 35 min
I don't want to hurt the person who hurts me by leaving them
Your heart is big. And your kindness and compassion, though amazing qualities, can also keep you in situations that are unhealthy for you. When you're afraid you're going to hurt someone by leaving them, there's a bigger picture to keep in mind.
- Transcript
#177
June 18 · 24 min
The feeling that you lost a big chunk of your life to the abusive person
It's hard enough to be in a difficult relationship, but when your boundaries are shot, your adrenals are through the roof, and lots of years have passed, you might be wondering if this entire relationship was a giant waste of time, thinking about all the things you could have or should have done instead.
- Transcript
#176
June 11 · 44 min
Leaving an abusive person isn't easy and sometimes isn't over
It can be hard to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. The challenge is real! But what about leaving one? It might be just as hard or harder because of the unknown of what happens next.
- Transcript
#175
June 4 · 30 min
The trauma bond keeps you lovesick and broken
A trauma bond is like being addicted to both the highs and lows, just waiting for your next fix. It's not impossible to break a trauma bond, but it can be hard as hell.
- Transcript
#174
May 28 · 40 min
Can you still like someone who hurt you but not love them?
Can the victim of emotional abuse accept the former abuser as a friend after a lot of time has passed? I received this question from someone who used to be emotionally abusive, feels awful about it, but has been out of that relationship for years. Then she met up with her ex again, and things are different, but not in the way she expected.
- Transcript
#173
May 18 · 43 min
Are your children being manipulated, too?
You're watching your child mirror a narcissistic parent and it feels like you're losing ground. Arguing with the lies they're being told feels pointless, but asking the right questions might just be what helps you keep your connection to your children, helping them choose empathy over manipulation.
- Transcript
#172
May 7 · 39 min
If you don't draw the line on how much is too much, you won't have a line
How much mistreatment is too much? When your boundaries are violated over and over again, there will be a point where you have none and the sky will be the limit on someone else's hurtful and controlling behaviors.
- Transcript
#171
April 30 · 18 min
How does an abusive person become an abusive person?
There's got to be a reason someone becomes abusive, right? All abusers abused as children... is that it? Maybe it's a mental health issue. Maybe it's none, some, or all of the above. Or maybe it's something else.
- Transcript
#170
April 28 · 25 min
Getting conned into taking an unhealed abuser back
They've changed! They've really seemed to change. They seem like a new person so you take them back. Then you find out they were just playing the long game. Emotionally abusive people can heal if they want to. Those who don't may just come back to fool you again.
- Transcript

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