If I Speak

Novara Media

Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.

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24 episodes
weekly
Avg 59 min
English

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Episodes 24

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September 15 · 1 hr
128: Does a widening income gap spell trouble between friends?
Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
September 8 · 1 hr 4 min
127: Help! I think my friend is in love with me?!
Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life? Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you. Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1 Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
August 18 · 51 min
126: What if you don’t have to feel anxious 24/7?
Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
August 11 · 1 hr 1 min
125: Is the era of conspicuous consumption nearly over?
Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation. Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
August 4 · 59 min
124: Are you afraid of being ordinary?
Trapped in the attention economy, Moya wonders if our reading habits are affecting our sense of self, and Ash offers a feminist analysis of ‘main character’ versus ‘NPC’. Plus: what to do when your politics drift away from your friends’. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
July 28 · 1 hr 6 min
123: How can I get better at dealing with rejection?
Ash dreams up a whole new category – Disasterclass – in order to talk about inevitable pain of rejection. Whether it’s jobs, romance, friends or success, how much damage can rejection ultimately cause? Plus: early reviews of the Andy Burnham era. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Symeon Brown in conversation at the Bernie Grant Arts Centre in North London on 5 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
July 21 · 1 hr 7 min
122: Can you change who you’re attracted to? w/ Annie Lord
Former Vogue agony aunt Annie Lord joins Ash and Moya to talk about what happens if you let go of your ‘type’ and allow your romantic ideals to change. Her debut novel, The Project, is out now. (NB: Annie recommends Sharon Olds’ poetry collection Stag’s Leap.) Plus: advice for a man who’s feeling romantically jaded. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
July 14 · 1 hr 2 min
121: Is it time to stop height-shaming men?
Ash and Moya answer a not-so-mystery question about male self-image and whether short kings really do lose out in the dating market. How does modern masculinity look and dress? Plus: advice for a listener fantasising about a romantic spark with a former colleague. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
July 7 · 57 min
120: Help! I’m dreading moving to the suburbs with my partner
Ash and Moya get stuck into your dilemmas. Featuring: a POC friend whose new boyfriend votes Reform, a male coworker who’s gone from supportive to creepy, a woman who’s struggling to think before she speaks, an independent woman who’s dreading suburban life with her boyfriend, and an environmentalist weighing up a job in big tech. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
June 30 · 1 hr 4 min
119: I know I should forgive my enemies… but what if I don’t want to?
* Last call for our show at Crossed Wires in Sheffield this Saturday, 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * A brush with an old enemy brings up big questions about letting go and moving on. What does forgiveness really mean in a secular society? Is punishment ever the answer? Plus: advice for a special one who fears they’ve outgrown their 15-year relationship. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
June 23 · 55 min
118: Can a hen party ever be chic?
* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * ‘Tis the season! Moya and Ash explore the etiquette of the modern wedding, from cringey hen do to lavish ceremony to nightmare groupchat. And how does anyone afford it?! Plus: are we expecting too much from single straight men? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
June 16 · 1 hr 3 min
117: Is screen addiction ruining our connection to art?
* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * Moya has a big theory about why wealthy elites seem to have stopped caring about culture, which leads to wondering if addiction and dependency are the best framework for understanding modern society. Plus: when you’re body-shamed by a much younger hook-up. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
June 9 · 1 hr 8 min
116: I can’t stop worrying about money. Is there a way out?
* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * Moya tunes into the background hum of money worries. Does our upbringing predict our attitude to finances? And does more money always equal more freedom? Plus: when to let go of a long-term romantic hangup. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
June 2 · 1 hr 1 min
115: Help! My partner has been hiding huge debts from me
* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * Ash talks to Moya about falling birth rates and the ‘crisis of association’ that’s stopping people from connecting with each other. It’s a big theory that touches on trust issues, getting offline and the coming backlash. Plus: a dilemma about financial infidelity. (Sorry about the banging. It’s builders outside Ash’s window.) Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
May 26 · 54 min
114: Why we can’t let go of the girl boss
The girl boss is back – and this time she’s working class, mixed race and fully therapised. Moya asks Ash how we should make sense of Skims entrepreneur Emma Grede and the success of her book, Start With Yourself. Plus: which fantasy archetype are you? Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
May 19 · 1 hr 3 min
113: Should I go ‘no contact’ with my parents?
Moya and Ash answer a mystery question about why so many people are going ‘no contact’ with their parents. How do our elders understand this epidemic of estrangement? Plus: How to deal with a jealous ex-boyfriend who lives down the road. Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
May 12 · 48 min
112: Should you chase a holiday romance?
Ash went to the Songkran water fight in Thailand and now has a few questions about health and safety culture. Where do we draw the line between personal safety and freedom to take risks? Plus: should you chase a holiday romance? Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
May 5 · 1 hr 1 min
111: Do we need more women mentors?
Ash and Moya are reunited and ready to answer a mystery question, inspired by Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick: do we need more women mentors? Plus: a homesick ex-pat struggling to stay in contact with his family. Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available now: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
April 28 · 1 hr 11 min
110: How Andrew Tate poisoned a generation of young men w/ Jamie Tahsin and Matt Shea
With the manosphere back in the headlines, we’re republishing our 2024 interview with the authors of Clown World – the book that exposed Andrew Tate’s cult-like grip on young men around the world. Jamie Tahsin and Matt Shea explain how they infiltrated Tate’s inner circle and what they found inside. Ash and Moya will be back from their well-earned break next week. Send us dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Remember our show in Sheffield is coming up on 4th July. Tickets: https://crossedwires.live Music by Matt Huxley.
April 21 · 1 hr 14 min
109: How can I tell my parents I’m a stripper? Your dilemmas solved w/ Shon Faye
Moya answers your dilemmas with former Vogue agony aunt Shon Faye. Featuring: a graduate abroad who might have a saviour complex; a gay man who doesn’t know if his relationship is real; a stripper who wants to tell her parents the truth; and a relationship breaking down over Israel. Plus: how does Shon always hit her deadlines? Follow Shon on Substack: https://shonfaye.substack.com/ Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/ Music by Matt Huxley.

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