EducationHow ToSelf-ImprovementSociety & CultureRelationships

Divorce Happens

Fresh Starts Registry

Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.

Play

Open in

36 episodes
Avg 10 min
English

Episodes 36

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.

S1 · E281
Thursday · 5 min
Hey Olivia, how do I stop building a timeline of everything I should have known?
"Everyone keeps saying 'you must have known,' and honestly? I didn't. Now I'm replaying every conversation, every weird silence, every time something felt off and I told myself I was being paranoid." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener let go of the retrospective self-blame that follows discovering a betrayal she never saw coming. Olivia covers: Why you only ever know a relationship based on the information you actually had access to at the time Why "you must have known" is one of the least fair things people say after a betrayal comes to light Why dismissing a weird silence as paranoia wasn't a failure of judgment — it was a reasonable conclusion from incomplete, filtered information Why shame implies you failed at something you had the tools to succeed at, when you were never given the full picture to begin with A key reframe: he was responsible for being honest, and you were responsible for reasoning honestly with what you had — two different jobs Why the retrospective timeline only looks clear now because you're standing somewhere you weren't standing back then Why a therapist experienced in betrayal trauma can help separate what you could have known from what you're now judging yourself for "I only had the information I was given. I reasoned well with what I had." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E278
September 9 · 5 min
Hey Olivia, how do I know the difference between giving up too soon and finally admitting effort isn't the problem?
"I've read the books. I've gone to therapy, solo, since he won't come. Every time something doesn't work, my first thought isn't 'this isn't working,' it's 'I must not be trying the right thing yet.'" In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia helps a listener see the pattern hiding in plain sight after years of genuine, varied effort to save her marriage alone. Olivia covers: Why years of varied effort — books, solo therapy, different communication styles — is the opposite of giving up too soon Why "I must not be trying the right thing yet" is easier to believe than "this isn't working," even when it's not more true Why a marriage isn't a puzzle one person can solve alone, no matter how much effort they bring How to look at what's actually been constant across every approach: not the method, but the response you got back Why effort not being the problem doesn't mean your efforts were wrong or wasted Why not every ending requires a villain — the absence of a partner's participation is still the deciding factor A direct way to answer the question: has your effort ever been met with real, even imperfect, reciprocal effort? "The constant across all of it was never your methodology." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E274
September 9 · 5 min
Hey Olivia, I posted something on TikTok during an angry divorce spiral and now I regret it. Do I delete it?
"I posted something on TikTok during an angry divorce spiral last night, mid-rant, feeling completely justified in the moment. This morning I woke up and read it back and felt sick." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia answers a question so many people have quietly lived through: what to do the morning after an emotional, regretted post during divorce. Olivia covers: Why posting in anger at midnight during divorce is a genuinely human response, not a sign something's wrong with you Why it's okay to simply delete a regretted post without overthinking the optics of the deletion itself Why deleting something isn't a confession of guilt or an admission of hiding anything When it's worth a quick, honest conversation with your attorney if you're in an active legal process Why screenshots can exist even after deletion, and what that means practically going forward How to build in a pause before posting during high-emotion moments — even just writing it in a notes app first Why you're allowed to have a private outlet to vent that isn't public: a trusted friend, a journal, a voice memo you never send "One moment of oversharing doesn't define you, and it doesn't undo everything else you're doing to handle this whole process with genuine care." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E273
September 9 · 6 min
Hey Olivia, how do I stop sleeping with my spouse now that we're separated?
"Since my husband and I separated, we keep ending up back in bed together. It's not planned. It just happens." In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia answers one of the most common — and least talked about — parts of separation: continuing to sleep with a spouse you've split from, and why it's so much harder to stop than it sounds. Olivia covers: Why this is one of the most common things that happens during separation, even though almost no one admits it out loud The real chemical bonding that comes with physical intimacy with someone familiar, regardless of where things stand emotionally Why keeping this private isn't shame — it's often just protecting yourself from managing other people's reactions Why the "setback" feeling afterward isn't confusion, it's clear information: the body wants comfort, growth wants distance, and both are true at once Why structural changes work better than willpower alone — limiting alone time, meeting in public, having a plan for loneliness How to get specific about whether the craving is for that person, or for touch and closeness in general Why deciding your boundary on a calm day beats deciding it in a lonely moment "Your body wants comfort. Your growth wants distance. Both are true." Need support navigating this? Fresh Starts Registry offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E272
September 7 · 5 min
Hey Olivia, I haven't told anyone I'm thinking about divorce. Does that mean I'm not serious about it?
"I've been thinking about divorce for months, but I haven't told a single person. Does that mean I'm not actually serious about it?" In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia answers a question so many people carry silently — and makes the case that staying quiet doesn't mean you're not serious. If anything, it might mean the opposite. Olivia covers: Why silence is not the same thing as ambivalence Why processing privately first is often the safest, smartest way to approach a life-changing decision Why months of quiet thinking is actually fast, not slow, for something this big Why telling one person doesn't have to be a "starting gun" for anything Why a thought that won't go away is usually strong evidence it's real — not evidence that it isn't Permission to move at your own pace, on your own timeline, with no outside benchmark to meet "The thoughts that don't go away are usually the ones trying to tell you something true." Want somewhere to say it out loud for the very first time, without it being a starting gun for anything? Divorce Happens offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E271
September 7 · 5 min
Hey Olivia, how do I know if this is over, or just a rough patch?
"How do I actually know if what I'm feeling is 'this is over,' or just a rough patch?" In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode, Olivia answers one of the most common quiet questions in marriage — the doubt that comes and goes, with no single big reason attached. She walks through five honest, practical questions to help you tell the difference between a temporary rough season and something more permanent, without rushing you toward an answer before you're ready. Olivia covers: Why feeling doubt about your marriage isn't automatically proof "it's over" How to tell if what you're feeling is tied to a specific season versus something more permanent The difference between a thought that flares and settles versus one that's become a constant low hum Why your body's honest, gut-level reaction often knows before your mind does How to check whether you're the only one still reaching in the relationship Why wanting clarity isn't the same as looking for a reason to leave "You don't have to know for certain right now. You're allowed to keep asking the question for as long as you need to." Want help thinking this through with someone who isn't inside your marriage and won't rush you toward an answer? Divorce Happens offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E270
September 5 · 6 min
You Don't Owe Anyone a Reason For Your Decision Yet
Do you feel like you need an airtight, defensible reason before you're even allowed to think about divorce? In this solo episode, Olivia pushes back on that pressure and hands you permission you didn't know you were waiting for: "something isn't right for me" is allowed to be a complete reason, full stop. This episode is for anyone stuck in the private, early stage of questioning their marriage — before they've said a word to anyone else. Olivia covers: Why we've all absorbed a hierarchy of "acceptable" reasons to leave a marriage — and why that hierarchy is a trap The real difference between explaining your feelings and justifying them to someone else Why waiting for a "good enough" reason can keep you stuck in the thinking stage for years Why "I don't know exactly why, I just know something feels off" is a complete sentence A simple script for holding your boundary when people push for more detail than you're ready to give Why you're allowed to still be figuring it out, with no defense prepared in advance "Something isn't right for me" is allowed to be a complete, sufficient reason. Full stop. Need a place to think this through out loud with someone who won't ask you to justify a single word of it? Fresh Starts Registry offers free consults, a vetted professional network, and free guides. Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com. If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/ Divorce Financial Clarity Academy™ is a six-week live program designed to help women better understand the financial decisions that come with divorce—including the questions they may not even know they need to be asking yet. Led by Donna Cates of Money Matters Wealth Solutions, with guest professionals joining throughout the program, the Academy begins September 18. Registration is now open. Investment: $297 Learn more and register here: bit.ly/divorcefinancialclarity
S1 · E269
September 5 · 7 min
Why Your Body Shakes The First Time You Say Divorce Out Loud
Why does your heart race, your hands shake, or your throat tighten the moment you finally say "I'm getting divorced" out loud? In this solo episode, Olivia breaks down the physical, nervous-system side of disclosing a divorce — the part almost nobody talks about. This isn't about the emotional grief of divorce; it's about what's actually happening in your body in that first raw moment of telling someone, and why that reaction is completely normal. Olivia covers: Why your body reacts so intensely the first time you say it out loud The nervous system science behind shaking hands, a racing heart, nausea, or a tight throat Why keeping a divorce private feels "safer" — and what changes the moment you tell someone How to recognize a normal stress response instead of thinking something's wrong with you Simple aftercare for after a hard conversation Why healing isn't linear, and why that's not backsliding "Your body is going to have a reaction, and that reaction is not a red flag. It's proof this matters exactly as much as you think it does." If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/ Divorce Financial Clarity Academy™ is a six-week live program designed to help women better understand the financial decisions that come with divorce—including the questions they may not even know they need to be asking yet. Led by Donna Cates of Money Matters Wealth Solutions, with guest professionals joining throughout the program, the Academy begins September 18. Registration is now open. Investment: $297 Learn more and register here: bit.ly/divorcefinancialclarity
S1 · E268
September 4 · 17 min
You Signed Your Divorce Decree — But Do You Actually Know What's In It? Molly Rosenblum, Esq. explains!
There's a piece of paper that ends your marriage and quietly runs your life for years afterward — and almost nobody reads the whole thing. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Molly Rosenblum, Esq., founding attorney of The Rosenblum Allen Law Firm and one of the most respected family law attorneys in Las Vegas, Nevada — the self-described “divorce capital of the world.” With more than two decades of experience trying family law cases to verdict and a career built almost entirely around helping people through divorce, Molly is exactly the guide listeners need for the deceptively simple question at the center of this conversation: what actually is a divorce decree, and why does it matter so much more than anyone tells you going in? Molly walks Olivia — and every listener who's ever stared blankly at their own divorce paperwork — through what a decree actually contains: property and debt division, custody and visitation schedules, child support, alimony, and, depending on your state, requirements as specific as whether you're reverting to your maiden name. She compares it to “the rule book” of your divorce, the document a court will always return to if a dispute resurfaces years later. Molly shares real moments from her practice, including panicked holiday phone calls from clients convinced their ex is violating the custody schedule — only to discover, decree in hand, that the schedule was on their side all along. It's a candid look at how much confusion, fear, and even relief lives inside a single legal document, and why understanding it before you sign it may be one of the most protective things you can do for yourself and your kids. What makes this conversation land is Molly's refusal to treat divorce as something to whisper about. She talks about clients who've framed their finalized decrees on the wall — a symbol of survival, not shame — and reminds listeners that divorce, however common it's become, still deserves to be met with knowledge instead of fear. Two takeaways to walk away with: read every single word of your decree before you sign it, and keep a certified copy somewhere safe, because you'll need it in places you'd never expect — school enrollment, the DMV, even the Social Security office. Whether you're heading into your first consultation or you've been divorced for years and just realized you never actually understood your own paperwork, this episode offers the clarity, and quiet confidence, you didn't know you needed. Learn more about Molly Rosenblum: Molly Rosenblum is the founder and managing attorney of Rosenblum Allen Law Firm, a leading Nevada family law firm serving Las Vegas, Henderson, and Summerlin. Raised in Las Vegas, Molly graduated Cum Laude from the William S. Boyd School of Law at UNLV in 2002 and began her career gaining valuable courtroom and litigation experience before founding her firm in 2005. For more than 20 years, Molly has focused on complex family law matters, including high-asset divorces, contested custody cases, and prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. Today, Molly leads a growing team of attorneys and has handled more than $100 million in high-asset family law matters. She is a court-appointed Guardian ad Litem, a Certified AFCC Parenting Coordinator, and a member of the Raise the Bar committee, helping shape professional standards for family law practitioners in Las Vegas. She is licensed to practice in Nevada and Idaho. Helpful Resources Rosenblum Allen Law Firm has more on both situations: → Enforcing a Divorce Decree in Nevada → Post-Divorce Modifications in Nevada Learn more about Rosenblum Allen Law Firm. This episode is a sponsored placement, presented by The Rosenblum Allen Law Firm
S1 · E267
August 11 · 6 min
Hey Olivia, why am I the villain for leaving an abusive marriage?
There's a particular kind of injustice that so many survivors know intimately: you're the one who finally said enough, and somehow you've become the villain of the story. In this week's Hey Olivia letter episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell answers a listener who is pushing for her own divorce after enduring abuse for years — abuse that is still ongoing, even now, in the middle of the process — while her husband performs the role of the blindsided, devastated spouse to his family and to anyone who will listen. She's holding a boundary, refusing to explain or justify herself to people who've only ever heard his side, and she wrote in asking a question so many divorcing survivors carry silently: how do you breathe through being cast as the bad guy for finally protecting yourself? Olivia meets this letter with a clarity that cuts straight through the noise. She names, plainly, one of the most disorienting dynamics in high-conflict and abusive divorces: the person who names the problem out loud almost always looks like the problem to people standing outside the relationship, because outsiders only ever get the version of the story someone motivated to tell it favorably chooses to give them. She calls the “I never saw this coming” performance exactly what it often is — a self-protective narrative for behavior that wouldn't hold up under real scrutiny — and she's unflinching about the deeper truth underneath it: his performance doesn't get to overwrite what the listener already knows happened to her. This episode speaks directly to anyone questioning their own reality after leaving an abusive marriage, and to anyone wondering whether they owe the people around them a full explanation before they're allowed to go. Where this episode offers real, usable relief is in the boundary tools Olivia hands listeners for surviving outside judgment during divorce. She gives an exact script for holding a line with family and friends who push for details survivors don't owe anyone, encourages finding real, dedicated support from a therapist experienced specifically in abuse and coercive control, and reframes survival itself: getting through to a final divorce was never about convincing everyone else of your reality, it's about protecting your own nervous system one day at a time. Listeners walk away with both a permission slip to stop explaining themselves and a concrete plan — including where to find real support — for surviving judgment while healing from an abusive marriage. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E266
August 11 · 6 min
Hey Olivia, how do I prepare for mediation with an ex who fights me on everything?
Mediation is hard enough when both people are negotiating in good faith. It's a different animal entirely when you're walking into the room across from someone who seems to oppose almost everything on principle. In this week's Hey Olivia letter episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell answers a listener with mediation just weeks away — a mother who has held down the marital home with her kids under temporary orders for over a year, now facing an ex pushing to sell the house their children have called home since kindergarten. It's the kind of letter that will feel instantly familiar to anyone who has sat across a mediation table from someone who fights you more out of principle than out of any specific, negotiable position. Olivia's central reframe is the heart of this episode, and it's one that changes the entire way you walk into a high-conflict mediation: you're not there to persuade your ex of anything. You're there to build a proposal that looks obviously reasonable to a mediator, whether or not he ever agrees to it out loud. From there, she gets specific — teaching listeners to separate a person's stated position from the actual interest underneath it, whether that's money, control, or the fear of feeling like he “lost.” She also offers concrete mechanisms for the marital-home fight so many divorcing parents face, like a buyout tied to a refinance or a deferred sale linked to a school milestone, so a flat “I want to stay” becomes something a mediator can actually work with. What makes this episode land is how honestly Olivia prepares listeners for the emotional terrain of mediating with a provoking, oppositional ex — and gives them a way through it that doesn't require winning the argument in the room. She walks through knowing your floor before you ever sit down, looping your attorney into strategy (not just outcomes) so you understand your real leverage if mediation doesn't resolve things, and protecting your own nervous system with something as simple as permission to ask for five minutes when things get heated. It's an episode about divorce mediation preparation that's equal parts strategy and steadiness — and it leaves listeners with a genuinely usable plan for walking into a hard room and walking out with real terms. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E265
August 11 · 7 min
Hey Olivia, how do I survive watching my spouse date again while cohabitating?
There's a specific kind of heartbreak that doesn't have a name yet — the one where you're still doing his laundry in the same house while he giggles at his phone on the couch. In this week's Hey Olivia letter episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell reads a note from a listener who is separated from her husband but cohabiting with him for the summer while he searches for a new place — and who has just realized, with a gut-punch kind of clarity, that he's back on the dating apps. She's watching someone she built a life with light up for a stranger, from the next room. This episode is for anyone who has discovered that a legal or emotional decision to separate doesn't automatically shut off the nervous system's attachment to the person you're separating from — especially when you're still sharing a kitchen sink. Olivia doesn't just validate the listener's confusion — she names it precisely, calling it a breakup with no exit door. Unlike a typical split, cohabiting during a separation strips away the physical distance that usually gives a grieving nervous system room to catch up with a decision the mind has already made. Olivia walks through the biology of it: years of loving someone teaches your body to read their moods, their footsteps, the sound of their phone buzzing on the counter, so when that same person turns giddy over someone new, the jealousy that surfaces isn't weakness or regression — it's a nervous system still doing its old job, even after the heart has moved on. It's a reframe that listeners navigating in-house separation or divorce cohabitation rarely hear articulated this clearly, and it changes how the whole experience feels to sit inside. Where this episode really earns its keep is in the practical toolkit Olivia hands listeners by the end. She offers a script for setting boundaries with a cohabiting soon-to-be-ex around dating apps and phone calls in shared spaces, a pre-planned “exit move” for when the couch-giggling starts, and a short list of personal anchors — one person, one private ritual, one small rule — to hold onto when everything else feels blurry. It's an episode about dating after separation from the other side of the equation, about grief without closure, and about giving yourself permission to feel relief and heartbreak in the very same breath. Listeners walk away with both a concrete plan for surviving a shared roof and a gentler, more compassionate understanding of why this particular kind of hard is so disorienting — and so valid. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E264
August 7 · 12 min
The Mediation Series, Part 4: Life After Divorce Mediation
You don’t walk out of a mediation session into a blank space — and yet almost nobody talks about what actually comes next. That’s the gap this episode of the divorce mediation series closes, as host Olivia Howell wraps up her four-part mediation series with Allison McFadden, a Washington D.C.-Baltimore-area family law attorney, Certified Divorce Coach®, and court-appointed mediator who founded Divorce by Allison after more than a decade practicing family law. After walking listeners through what mediation is, how to prepare for it, and what it actually feels like to be in the room, Allison closes the series by answering the question that lingers once the session ends: now what? Allison starts with the scenario people fear most — not reaching an agreement — and immediately reframes it with real hope: mediation and litigation aren’t mutually exclusive, and stalling out in one session doesn’t mean the process failed. She lays out concrete next steps, from bringing in a divorce coach to strategize before the next session, to consulting an attorney about what’s realistic, to simply scheduling another round. But for the vast majority of people who do reach an agreement, Allison is clear that the hardest part is now behind them — though the paperwork isn’t finished. She walks through how a mediator typically drafts a memorandum of understanding, parenting plan, or settlement agreement, and why certain documents, like deeds or retirement orders, may still require an attorney’s involvement depending on the state. What makes this finale so valuable is the practical homework Allison hands listeners: don’t let your agreement collect dust in a drawer. She urges people to build a checklist and calendar every deadline — account closures, transfer dates, the annual date to pick summer parenting weeks — so the agreement actually gets lived out, not just signed. She also delivers a detail that surprises many listeners: reaching an agreement in mediation doesn’t finalize your divorce. You still have to file paperwork with the court, and Allison shares practical, money-saving options like self-help courthouse programs for anyone who wants to file without paying for a full attorney retainer. She closes the series with genuine reassurance — the vast majority of divorces are resolved by agreement, and no one goes through mediation alone. For anyone who has followed this series from the beginning, this episode is the reassuring, practical send-off that ties the whole journey together. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E263
August 7 · 16 min
The Mediation Series, Part 3: What It’s Actually Like to Be in Divorce Mediation
For most people, the inside of a mediation session is a total mystery — a closed door they’re about to walk through with no idea what’s on the other side. That’s exactly the gap this episode of Divorce Happens closes, as host Olivia Howell continues part three of her four-part series with Allison McFadden, a Washington D.C.-Baltimore-area family law attorney, Certified Divorce Coach®, and court-appointed mediator who founded Divorce by Allison after more than a decade practicing family law. Having already covered what divorce mediation is and how to prepare for it, this episode finally opens the door: what does it actually look and feel like to sit down and be in a mediation session, from the first minute to the last? Allison walks listeners through the anatomy of a real session with a level of detail that’s genuinely reassuring. It starts with the mediator setting the agenda — running through a checklist of common divorce and co-parenting topics to figure out what actually applies to this family, from the house to the parenting plan to retirement accounts. Nothing gets decided in stone that day; agreements reached in the room are tentative, notes are taken, and open items (like needing to pull retirement account statements) get flagged for next time. Allison also demystifies the physical logistics that surprise most first-timers: sessions can happen on Zoom or in person, and while she generally keeps both people in the same room — believing it builds the communication skills co-parents will keep needing — breakout rooms are always an option when things get heated or when someone wants to consult privately with an attorney or support person. What makes this episode land is its warmth and its permission-giving honesty. Allison answers one of the questions she says she gets constantly — what do I even wear to this? — with refreshing simplicity: be comfortable, there’s no dress code, and the mediator isn’t judging you for showing up in your work uniform after a long shift. She reassures listeners that most people show up on their best behavior, that agreements are never signed the same day so there’s time to review with an attorney, and that mediation sessions can even include moments of real levity — laughter, collaboration, and for some couples, a genuinely amicable way to close one chapter and start figuring out the next one, together. For anyone dreading the unknown of mediation, this episode replaces fear with a clear, human picture of what’s actually ahead. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E262
August 7 · 13 min
The Mediation Series, Part 2: How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation
A mediator is not a magician. That single line, dropped early in this episode of Divorce Happens, sets the tone for one of the most genuinely useful conversations in the show’s mediation series so far. Host Olivia Howell continues part two of her four-part collaboration with Allison McFadden, a Washington D.C.-Baltimore-area family law attorney, Certified Divorce Coach®, and court-appointed mediator who founded Divorce by Allison after more than a decade practicing family law. If the first episode in this series answered the question of what divorce mediation actually is, this one answers the question almost nobody thinks to ask beforehand: how do you actually prepare to walk into the room? Because as Allison makes clear, preparation isn’t a formality — it’s one of the biggest predictors of whether mediation succeeds. Allison walks listeners through exactly what real preparation looks like, and it’s far more concrete and reassuring than most people expect. She encourages listeners to interview their mediator ahead of time — asking about their style (facilitative versus evaluative), how long sessions run, what topics will be covered, and how they handle high emotion in the room. She also normalizes a fear many listeners carry quietly: the worry of being talked over or steamrolled by a spouse during mediation. Allison’s answer is refreshingly practical — you’re allowed to bring support. A pre-mediation divorce coach, a consulting attorney, even a financial advisor can join the process, and she breaks down exactly how that works logistically, from private side-conversations in a Zoom breakout room to sitting at the table together. Olivia adds her own lived experience here, sharing that her mediation began over Zoom and evolved into each side bringing in their own attorney to help finalize things — without ever coming close to court. What makes this episode so actionable is how far it goes beyond generic advice. Allison gets specific about the documents that actually matter (account and mortgage statements and a school calendar, not birth or marriage certificates), the importance of walking in with a clear intention or “North Star” for why you’re there, and the value of preparing flexible proposals rather than a single non-negotiable demand. She closes with something rarely discussed in divorce circles: how to prepare mentally, naming that mediation can surface real emotional triggers and encouraging listeners to build a plan — through therapy, coaching, or somatic techniques — before those moments catch them off guard. Listeners walk away with a genuine sense of agency: mediation isn’t something that happens to you, it’s a process you can walk into prepared, supported, and clear-eyed. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E261
August 7 · 12 min
The Mediation Series, Part 1: What Is Divorce Mediation, Really?
Most people going through a divorce have heard the word “mediation” — and almost none of them know what it actually means. That gap is exactly where this episode of Divorce Happens begins, with host Olivia Howell kicking off a brand-new four-part series on divorce mediation alongside Allison McFadden, a Washington D.C.-Baltimore-area family law attorney, Certified Divorce Coach®, and court-appointed mediator who has spent more than a decade helping families untangle divorce and co-parenting without setting foot in a courtroom. After years as a litigation attorney, Allison made a deliberate pivot: she founded Divorce by Allison to give people a private, collaborative, and far less combative path through one of life’s hardest transitions, and in this conversation she pulls back the curtain on a process that is often misunderstood, underexplained, and quietly one of the most empowering options available to divorcing couples. What makes this episode so valuable is how thoroughly Allison reframes what divorce mediation actually offers. She explains that mediation is a confidential, voluntary process guided by a neutral third party — not a judge, not a decision-maker, but a facilitator whose entire job is to help you and your co-parent or spouse reach an agreement that fits your family. That distinction matters enormously, because it means you retain control over nearly everything: who your mediator is, how quickly or slowly things move, and how creatively you solve the issues in front of you, from custody and parenting plans to the house, the finances, and everything in between. Allison contrasts this directly with divorce court, where a judge who has spent only a few hours with your case ultimately makes decisions for your family within the narrow limits of state law. She also gently dismantles one of the biggest myths clients bring into mediation: the fear that a mediator will simply tell them what to do. “The mediator is not there to make the decisions,” she reminds listeners — the mediator is there to help you and your co-parent find your own answer. Listeners walk away from this episode with real clarity and real hope, especially anyone who assumed mediation wasn’t an option because things with their spouse or co-parent feel too difficult. Allison walks through exactly what the process looks like in practice, from a free 20-minute consultation call to a prep checklist to a roughly two-hour mediation session that ends in a written agreement, and she makes the case that even high-conflict or emotionally complicated situations can still be strong candidates for mediation, because the process is built to be tailored to your family rather than forced into a courtroom template. This episode is the first in a four-part Divorce Happens series on mediation, so if you’re newly considering divorce, trying to avoid a costly and public court battle, or simply want to understand your options before you decide anything, this conversation is the essential, judgment-free place to start. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E260
July 29 · 6 min
Hey Olivia, I filed for divorce and now I'm drowning in grief—did I make a mistake?!
She planned it for months — saved up, found an apartment, rehearsed the speech. She was sure. And three weeks after filing, she’s crying in a Target parking lot, smelling her almost-ex-husband’s hoodie before she donates it, waking up sobbing from a dream where they were still together. In this Divorce Happens “Hey Olivia” episode, host Olivia Howell reads a listener letter word for word and answers the question underneath it: if leaving was the right call, why does it still hurt this much? It’s one of the most tender, disorienting parts of divorce recovery — the grief that shows up even when you were the one who filed — and Olivia meets it head-on with clarity, warmth, and zero judgment. Olivia’s core teaching reframes the entire experience: grief after a decision you made on purpose still counts as grief, full stop — it is not a scoreboard telling you whether you got it right or wrong. She walks through why the nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a sad ending and a wrong one; when a marriage ends, you’re not just losing a person, you’re losing an imagined future — the routines, the holidays, the version of “us” you’d built in your head. That’s why a dream of getting back together isn’t a gut-check reversing the divorce, and why missing the smell of a hoodie isn’t longing for him back — it’s a body flagging something familiar that’s disappearing. Olivia names this for what it actually is: withdrawal, not regret. The episode lands on two mindset shifts listeners can use immediately. First, a diagnostic question for the 3 a.m. spiral: do I miss him, or do I miss not being alone with all of this? One is about a person; the other is about fear — and you’re allowed to sit with both without acting on either today. Second, a somatic tool: hand on chest, out loud, “this is grief, not a mistake.” Olivia is clear that clarity isn’t the goal right now — care is, alongside a real runway of weeks or months before trusting any conclusion grief hands you in its loudest moments. It’s a compassionate, validating listen for anyone in the disorienting early weeks after filing, wondering if missing someone means they made the wrong call. They didn’t. Their body is just catching up. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E259
July 29 · 5 min
Hey Olivia, is it safe to talk about my divorce on social media while it's happening?
There’s a question sitting in almost every divorced person’s notes app at 1 a.m.: is it okay to post about this? For the listener who wrote in this week, the pull to share is especially strong — her marriage is ending amid infidelity and, in her words, “genuinely strange, shady stuff,” and she’s parenting three kids under ten who have no idea their world is about to be searchable. In this Divorce Happens “Hey Olivia” episode, Olivia reads the listener’s letter in full and answers the question so many divorced parents are quietly Googling: what’s actually safe to share on social media during a divorce, and what could come back to haunt you in mediation, in court, or in your kids’ search results a decade from now. Olivia’s central teaching is a distinction she says has saved a lot of women real regret: the difference between processing and broadcasting. Processing — venting to a therapist, a trusted friend, a private community — is how a nervous system makes sense of chaos, and there’s nothing wrong with needing it. Broadcasting is public, permanent, and, once posted, entirely out of your hands. Olivia lays out a simple rule of thumb for anyone mid-divorce: assume anything posted publicly could end up printed out on a table in mediation or read aloud in a courtroom. She’s careful to note this isn’t legal advice — laws vary by state, and it’s worth a real conversation with a divorce attorney — but she’s equally clear that social media posts have been used as evidence in custody and divorce proceedings, and that the risk isn’t worth learning about the hard way. The episode closes with permission and with practical clarity, not just caution. Olivia distinguishes between sharing your own feelings and growth — generally safer territory — and posting specific incidents, identifying details, or anything written from the angriest, hottest part of you, which tends to resurface in ways you don’t want later. She reminds listeners that their kids will someday search their own names, their dad’s name, this exact chapter — and that today’s choices shape what’s waiting for them. For the full, unfiltered version of the story, Olivia points listeners toward the right room for it: a therapist, trusted friends, or a private community like Fresh Starts, where you can be completely honest without it becoming a permanent public record. It’s a compassionate, clarifying episode for anyone standing at the edge of hitting “post” mid-divorce — a reminder that you’re allowed to be fully heard without putting your case, or your kids, at risk. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E258
July 21 · 21 min
She Lost Everything in Her Divorce. Now She's a State Senator Fighting to Change the Law.
There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from fighting a legal system that was never built to protect you — and North Carolina State Senator Woodson Bradley knows that exhaustion intimately. Long before she was sworn into the state legislature, Bradley was a young mother in Mecklenburg County watching her marriage, her savings, and her sense of safety unravel inside a divorce process she didn't realize was stacked against her. In this raw, eye-opening episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Senator Bradley — a domestic violence and assault survivor turned divorce real estate specialist turned freshman state senator — to unpack what actually happens when a state's divorce laws fail the women trying to leave. Bradley ran her 2024 campaign on family law reform and domestic violence protections, and in this conversation she explains exactly why that fight became personal. Bradley walks Olivia through the maze of North Carolina divorce law that most people never hear about until they're living it: a mandatory year-long separation before you can even file, a rule that resets the clock if you spend a single night under the same roof, and a system where post-separation abuse — financial, digital, emotional — often goes unrecognized by the judges and magistrates hearing these cases. She shares how she believed her joint accounts, retirement savings, and her children's college funds were legally frozen the moment she filed for separation, only to learn the hard way that they weren't, as her ex-husband drained them completely. She talks candidly about stepping away from her real estate career for a season because it wasn't safe, about rebuilding from a double-wide trailer in the country with her two young children, and about the moment the tide turned: when she stopped defending herself and started documenting everything. What makes this episode so powerful is where Bradley lands: not in bitterness, but in fierce, hard-won hope. She reminds listeners that divorce isn't the dirty word she was raised to believe it was — it can be the doorway to a freedom you didn't know was possible. Her advice for anyone in the thick of a divorce is refreshingly concrete: start a notebook and document everything, seek out legal aid and community resources built specifically for women navigating divorce, and find your "grizzly bear" — someone who will show up in the room and advocate for you when you can't advocate for yourself. Whether you're facing a contentious divorce, worried about financial abuse, or simply trying to understand your rights before you file, this conversation offers both a warning and a roadmap for divorce recovery and starting over after divorce, stronger than before. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/
S1 · E257
July 20 · 6 min
A Divorce Coach's 5-Step Framework for Staying Grounded When Everything Feels Urgent
Divorce doesn't arrive with a checklist — it arrives like an avalanche. Your finances, your custody schedule, your identity, your future, all crashing down at once, and somehow you're still expected to answer emails before dinner. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Kristina St. Cyr, a CDC® Certified Divorce Coach and Moving On Method® Certified Coach based in Massachusetts, who spent nearly a decade and a half leading teams through high-stakes public health crises before discovering that no amount of professional composure could prepare her for the emotional and logistical chaos of her own divorce. That experience became her calling. Today, Kristina works with career-driven, professional women navigating divorce, helping them do the one thing that sounds simple but rarely is: keep moving forward, one manageable step at a time. What makes this conversation so useful is how practical it gets, without ever losing sight of the emotional reality underneath. Kristina walks Olivia through five field-tested strategies for staying grounded when divorce feels like too much at once — starting with the idea that emotional processing and logistical tasks are two entirely different kinds of work, and trying to do them in the same breath is often what makes divorce feel paralyzing. She talks about the power of asking a smaller question — not “how will I get through this entire divorce,” but “what are the next three steps I can take this week” — and introduces the concept of a weekly “divorce CEO hour,” one contained block of time to handle correspondence, paperwork, and decisions so the rest of the week doesn't have to be spent in reactive mode. She also makes the case for gathering information before making big, permanent-feeling decisions, and for regulating your nervous system before you even open that email from your attorney. As Kristina puts it, divorce isn't just about leaving something behind — it's about learning how to move toward something else. For anyone in the thick of a divorce right now, wondering how they're supposed to hold down a job, parent their kids, and manage an attorney relationship without falling apart, this episode offers something rare: a clear, doable framework instead of vague reassurance. Kristina's background gives her a unique lens on this — someone who has led teams through crisis for a living, and who also knows what it feels like to be the one who needs steadying. Listeners will walk away with two immediate, actionable shifts: separate your emotional processing time from your logistical tasks, and stop trying to solve the whole divorce today — just find your next three steps. It's a conversation about permission as much as strategy: permission to slow down, to take this one piece at a time, and to trust that steady, small steps are still forward motion. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

Showing 1–20 of 36 episodes