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Dear Dr. Tracy

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Welcome to Dear Dr. Tracy, the podcast that helps you navigate the everyday challenges of relationships, marriage, and parenting with expert advice and real, relatable conversations. Hosted by clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, this podcast is your place for honest, no-nonsense guidance on love, intimacy, boundaries, and communication. With over 18 years of experience, Dr. Tracy brings a mix of clinical expertise, evidence-based research, and personal insights as a wife and mother to help you break unhealthy patterns and build stronger connections. Each week, Dr. Tracy answers the questions so many of us have but don’t always know how to ask—about resentment, desire, mental load, and how to truly feel like a team with your partner. She’s joined by fellow experts, real couples, and her husband Greg, who offers a down-to-earth perspective on the struggles so many relationships face. If you’re ready for actionable tools and heartfelt conversations that will help you create a relationship that feels fulfilling, this podcast is for you.

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Tuesday · 41 min
The Relationship Cycle Behind Desire, Rejection, and Sex
Why can two people love each other deeply and still feel completely out of sync when it comes to communication, desire, and sex? In this episode, Dr. Tracy is joined by sex therapist Dr. Lori Watson and emotionally focused therapy trainer George Faller, authors of *Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships*. Together, they explore the emotional and sexual cycles couples get caught in, and why what happens outside the bedroom often follows you straight into it. They talk about pursue-withdraw patterns, responsive and initiating partners, resentment, mental load, rejection, caregiving, and the different ways people reach for connection. You’ll also hear why some people need emotional closeness before desire becomes possible, while others experience sex as one of their primary pathways into emotional connection. Most importantly, this conversation shifts the focus away from deciding which partner is the problem. When couples can understand both the emotional cycle and the sexual cycle happening between them, they can stop blaming each other and start changing the pattern together. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Get the new book: Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships Find out more about co-author George FallerFind out more about co-author Dr. Laurie WatsonListen to the Brave Love, Great Sex Podcast Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy WANT TO GO DEEPER? Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 17 · 32 min
Why Avoiding Conflict Is Sometimes About Control
Have you ever avoided saying something because you didn’t want to upset your partner, say it wrong, or turn the moment into a fight? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about avoidance, conflict, control, and the hard conversations couples keep waiting to have. What can feel like “keeping the peace” is often a way of trying to manage discomfort, predict your partner’s reaction, and control the outcome before you take the risk of being honest. Together, they explore how avoidance shows up in everyday relationship moments, from asking for time away to navigating holiday plans, in-laws, hobbies, sex, and difficult needs. Greg shares what avoidance feels like from the inside, while Dr. Tracy explains why delaying hard conversations can break trust, lower relational power, and create the very reaction you were trying to prevent. They also talk about differentiation: learning to say what is true for you without trying to control how your partner feels. Because intimacy is not built by waiting for the perfect time. It is built by trusting the relationship enough to risk the real conversation. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 10 · 31 min
What to Do When Repair Doesn’t Make You Feel Close
Have you ever had a conflict, talked it through, repaired it, and still didn’t feel close afterward? In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares a recent date-night conflict with Greg that started with one small question: “What do you want for dinner?” But like so many relationship moments, it was not really about dinner. It was about decision fatigue, mental load, expectations, and the deeper feeling of not being seen. Dr. Tracy explores why repair does not always create instant closeness, even when both partners have taken ownership and talked through what happened. Sometimes your front brain understands that you are okay, but your nervous system has not caught up yet. She explains why shame often shows up in that gap, why self-compassion matters, and how to stop criticizing yourself for needing time. You’ll also learn three small ways to reconnect after conflict: choose physical touch that feels accessible, share one thing from your day that is not about the fight, and do one small caring action that says, “We’re in this together.” Because closeness does not always return all at once. Sometimes it comes back through one small, values-aligned step toward each other. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop. Listen to this episode so you know what not to do when it comes to giving a meaningful apology. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 3 · 29 min
Is It Your Marriage, or Is It September?
Back-to-school season is full of advice about helping kids transition, but what about helping your relationship transition too? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about the September shift: the moment summer ends, routines return, capacity drops, and couples start feeling more reactive, less patient, and less generous with each other. What can look like a relationship problem may actually be a capacity problem, a logistics problem, or an old pattern that stress has made louder. Together, they explore how back-to-school stress, mental load, activities, lunches, schedules, and fewer margins can land directly on your partnership. They also talk about how to make the invisible visible, sit down as a team, protect small rituals of connection, and ask better questions before resentment takes over. Because this season is real. Your capacity has changed. And your relationship may need a little more care, curiosity, compassion, collaboration, and connection as you move through it together. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 27 · 35 min
When One Partner Wants More Emotional Connection
What do you do when you’re trying to build more emotional intimacy, but your partner says, “I’m just not a feelings person”? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg answer a listener question from Michael, a husband who has been doing his own personal work around people-pleasing, anxious attachment, intimacy, and emotional connection. He wants to talk more openly with his wife about feelings, needs, and desire, but she often becomes defensive or says she doesn’t see a problem in the relationship. Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why therapy language can be helpful, but also why it can create distance when one partner starts using new labels or tools before the other partner is ready. They talk about how to stay curious instead of boxing your partner in, why “I’m not a feelings person” may actually mean “Can you see me as I am?”, and how some partners connect more naturally through side-by-side experiences, rituals, humour, shared activities, or being in the moment rather than formal check-ins. They also look at desire differences, responsive desire, vacation sex, and why the better question may not be “Why don’t you want sex with me?” but “What context makes pleasure and connection more accessible for you?” Because emotional intimacy does not have to look the same for both partners. The work is learning how to recognize the ways your partner already lets you in, while also staying connected to what matters to you. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 20 · 24 min
Why Defensiveness Kills Intimacy
What do you do when your partner’s defensiveness is shutting down your desire, but you’re afraid that bringing it up will only make them more reactive? In this episode, Dr. Tracy answers a listener question about sex, defensiveness, and how to talk about what turns desire off without getting pulled into another negative cycle. She explains why defensiveness is understandable, especially when someone hears feedback as rejection or failure, but also names the truth so many couples miss: defensiveness impacts desire. Dr. Tracy explores why desire is not an on/off switch and why emotional safety, responsiveness, warmth, and daily interactions all shape whether the body feels open to connection. She also offers language for talking about desire without blaming your partner, including how to frame the conversation around what you both want more of: closeness, play, connection, and a sex life that feels good for both of you. Because the goal is not to say every hard thing perfectly. It is to stay clear, respectful, and grounded enough to say: this matters to me, and it matters to us. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 13 · 54 min
Raine Maida and Chantal Kreviazuk: The Marriage Behind the Music
With the release of their new joint memoir, I’m Going to Break Your Heart: A Rock N Roll Love Story, and their upcoming fall tour, this conversation with Raine Maida and Chantal Kreviazuk feels especially timely to revisit. In this intimate conversation, Dr. Tracy sits down with the Canadian musicians and longtime partners to talk about the real work of long-term love: marriage, family, therapy, creativity, conflict, repair, and the choice to keep turning toward each other through the messier seasons of life. Together, they explore the story behind their documentary I’m Going to Break Your Heart the “burnt chicken” moment that revealed deeper invisible labor dynamics, and how everyday micro-heartbreaks can quietly shape connection over time. They also talk about maximizer / minimizer patterns, men’s resistance to therapy, the power of reframing therapy as coaching, and why interdependence, not perfection, is the foundation of lasting partnership. You’ll hear how Raine and Chantal use tools like CPR (Catch, Pause, Repair), eye-gazing, and intentional autonomy to stay connected through parenting, touring, hormonal shifts, and the evolving seasons of a decades-long relationship. If you’ve ever felt alone in the messiness of marriage, this episode is a reminder that even the strongest relationships are built through rupture, repair, honesty, and the willingness to keep choosing each other. New Book: I’m Going to Break Your Heart: A Rock N Roll Love Story. I’m Going to Break Your Heart / Break Your Heart Tour I’m Going to Break Your Heart. Learn more about Raine Maida and his band Our Lady Peace Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 6 · 36 min
Don’t Define Your Relationship by Your Hardest Days
Major life transitions can make even strong couples feel disconnected, reactive, and unlike themselves. In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg record from their new office after moving homes and reflect on what this season taught them about stress, partnership, and staying connected through change. From buying, selling, staging, packing, moving, and settling in, they talk about how stress can amplify old stories, trigger protective patterns, and make your partner look like the problem when really, the transition itself is putting pressure on both of you. Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why it helps to assume positive intent, ask “What’s best for us?” instead of “Who’s right?”, and remember that different does not always mean wrong. They also talk about the importance of emotional check-ins, small rituals, involving kids in transition, and planning for the aftermath, because the stress does not magically end on moving day. Whether you are moving, welcoming a baby, navigating a health change, starting something new, or coming out of a major life shift, this episode is a reminder not to define your relationship by who you both are on the hardest days. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 30 · 32 min
When Your Partner Avoids Conflict and Leaves You Alone
What do you do when your partner keeps bidding for connection at the worst possible times, or in ways that feel irritating, inconvenient, or hard to receive? In this episode, Dr. Tracy answers a listener question that starts with annoying bids for connection, but quickly reveals something deeper: emotional safety. Because sometimes the issue is not the bid itself. It is the history underneath it. Your partner may be reaching for closeness, but if your vulnerability has been dismissed, exposed, used against you, or left unprotected in family conflict, that bid can feel less like connection and more like a request to open up where it has not felt safe. Dr. Tracy explores the difference between connection and emotional safety, why avoidance is not neutral, and how passivity in conflict can leave one partner carrying the emotional weight alone. She also shares what repair can look like when trust has been damaged: naming the pattern, asking for consistent follow-through, and creating a structure for returning to hard conversations instead of making promises just to end discomfort. Because your partner’s bid may be an attempt to connect, and you are not required to offer vulnerability where vulnerability has repeatedly been mishandled. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 26 · 12 min
How to Stop Chasing Accountability From Your Mother-in-Law
One of the hardest parts of mother-in-law conflict is that the thing you want most, accountability, can become the very thing keeping you stuck. In this short episode, Dr. Tracy talks to the daughter-in-law who has tried to explain, repair, clarify, and get her mother-in-law to finally understand the hurt she caused. It makes sense to want accountability, ownership, and responsibility. But when someone repeatedly shows that they do not have the capacity or willingness to offer it, continuing to chase that acknowledgment can leave your peace in someone else’s hands. Dr. Tracy explores the shift from “How do I get her to understand me?” to “Knowing what I know now, how do I want to show up?” Because acceptance is not approval, and it is not pretending the hurt did not happen. It is seeing reality clearly enough to make grounded decisions about your boundaries, your access, your family gatherings, your partner’s support, and the relationship you want to have with yourself. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 23 · 36 min
Why You Sound Critical When You Really Want Connection
Why does someone who longs for closeness often come across as critical, demanding, or angry? In this episode, Dr. Tracy looks at the other side of the defensiveness cycle: the partner who brings things up, reaches for connection, pushes for repair, and then gets labelled as “too angry,” “too much,” “controlling,” or “a nag.” But underneath that criticism is often something much more tender: a protest against disconnection. Dr. Tracy explores why criticism can become a nervous system strategy, especially when someone has learned that if they do not push, nothing changes. She explains how the pursuit for connection can turn into over-explaining, piling on examples, sending more texts, or trying to force reassurance in the moment, and why that often pushes a withdrawing or defensive partner even further away. This conversation is not about blaming the partner who pursues. It is about understanding the cycle, naming the deeper longing underneath the anger, and learning to ask: "Can I stay connected to myself while I wait for my partner?" 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 16 · 34 min
Why the Mental Load Feels So Unfair
The mental load isn’t just about who does more chores. It’s about the invisible planning, tracking, noticing, anticipating, and remembering that keeps a family and relationship running. In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares real moments from her marriage with Greg, from tracking naps with a newborn to wiping kitchen counters while 1,000 tabs open in her brain, and explores why the mental load can create so much resentment in long-term relationships. She breaks down why “just tell me how to help” often keeps one partner in the manager role, how the over-functioner / under-functioner dynamic impacts desire and intimacy, and why the deeper feeling underneath resentment is often fear: *Am I going to be alone in this forever?* Dr. Tracy also offers an important distinction between a perception problem and a values problem, and explains why many partners don’t refuse to carry the mental load, they simply don’t yet see it. From there, she shares practical ways couples can make the invisible visible, transfer whole domains instead of tiny tasks, and start approaching the mental load as a team instead of opponents. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 12 · 9 min
Why You Over-Explain When You Feel Misunderstood
Do you ever feel like being misunderstood doesn’t just hurt, it sends your whole nervous system into shutdown? In this short episode, Dr. Tracy reflects on a powerful insight about highly sensitive people and highly sensitive children: sometimes the hardest part isn’t being perceived, it’s being perceived wrongly. She explores why the fear of being misunderstood can lead to over-explaining, rereading texts, defending your intentions, or trying desperately to prove that you meant well. Dr. Tracy also names the deeper work underneath it all: learning to remind yourself that being misunderstood may be uncomfortable, but it is not always dangerous. Instead of abandoning yourself to control someone else’s perception of you, what might change if you comforted the part of you that is afraid of being misread? 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 9 · 32 min
The Invisible Distance You Are Creating Together
Have you ever tried to tell your partner something and realized they were only half-listening because they were on their phone? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about phubbing, the habit of snubbing someone with your phone, and how it quietly disrupts connection in romantic relationships. It might not look like a big fight. It might just look like sitting side by side in bed, scrolling, missing each other’s bids for connection one tiny moment at a time. They explore why phones are so hard to put down, how they create silent distance between partners, and why even a phone sitting face up on the table can pull attention away from the person in front of you. Dr. Tracy and Greg also share practical ways to interrupt the pattern, including building small connection rituals, catching one bid for connection each day, and asking directly for the attention you need without turning it into criticism. Because the goal isn’t to become perfect with your phone. It’s to notice when the screen is becoming easier than the relationship, and choose one small moment of turning toward each other again. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Learn to turn towards your partner instead of the phone. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 2 · 22 min
Why You Overthink After Setting a Boundary
You said the hard thing. You set the boundary, sent the text, spoke up in the meeting, or finally named what had gone unspoken. So why can’t you stop replaying it afterward? Dr. Tracy explores why courage does not always come with immediate relief. Even when you know you acted thoughtfully and in line with your values, your nervous system may still be on high alert, searching for a way to make the discomfort go away. She shares why guilt, uncertainty, and the need to be understood can pull us into over-explaining, justifying, and sending one more message. Then, she offers a grounding practice for the spiral: notice what your mind is trying to make happen, remember that the job is already done, and return to the anchor: **the message has already been sent.** Speaking up is one part of the work. Learning to stay with the discomfort afterward is the next. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 28 · 10 min
Are You an Internalizer or an Externalizer?
Why do some people shut down when they're hurt while others immediately criticize, blame, or demand a response? In this episode, Dr. Tracy introduces two common ways people respond to emotional pain: internalizing and externalizing. When something difficult happens in a relationship, some people turn inward, questioning themselves, minimizing their needs, or carrying the hurt alone. Others turn outward, focusing on what their partner did wrong and expressing their pain through criticism, frustration, or blame. The challenge is that neither approach helps us communicate the deeper feelings underneath. Dr. Tracy explores how these patterns show up in relationships, why they often create disconnection, and how understanding your default response can help you communicate more effectively with your partner. This episode is a powerful follow-up to last week's conversation about defensiveness and offers another lens for understanding the negative cycles that keep couples stuck. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 25 · 25 min
What to Say When Your Partner Gets Defensive
If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your concerns got completely lost in your partner's defensiveness, this episode is for you. Dr. Tracy shares a real-life conversation she recently had with Greg and breaks down exactly what happened when a difficult discussion could have spiraled into their old negative cycle, but didn't. Instead of focusing on how to change a defensive partner, this episode explores what you can do when defensiveness shows up, how to stay grounded in your experience, and how to keep the conversation focused on impact rather than intention. In This Episode: •Why defensiveness isn't always manipulation or gaslighting •How couples accidentally lose the original issue •The difference between impact and intent •Why repair requires taking turns •What assertiveness sounds like in real conversations •The exact phrases Dr. Tracy used with Greg •How to stop getting pulled into the cycle You'll also learn why boundaries don't have to shut conversations down and how delaying a conversation can sometimes protect connection rather than damage it. If you're tired of conversations that leave you feeling unseen, unheard, or stuck defending your own experience, this episode offers a practical roadmap for navigating defensiveness without losing yourself in the process. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 21 · 10 min
Why Men Get Stuck in Relationship Narratives
Have you ever assumed you already knew how your partner was going to react? In this special episode, Greg takes over the mic to share a husband's perspective on one of the biggest traps couples fall into: getting stuck in outdated stories about the people we love. Drawing from his own experiences navigating marriage, parenting, dirt biking, golf, and family life, Greg explores how old assumptions can quietly create resentment, avoidance, and disconnection. If you've ever caught yourself thinking: "I already know how this conversation is going to go." "There's no point bringing it up." "Why bother asking?" ...this episode is for you. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 18 · 44 min
The Hidden Stories Creating Conflict in Your Relationship
Have you ever found yourself upset with your partner... only to realize the entire argument happened inside your head? We all do it. Your partner sighs. They seem distant. They forget something important. Before they've even said a word, your mind has already filled in the blanks. In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg explore the stories we tell ourselves about our partners and how those assumptions can quietly create conflict, disconnection, and misunderstanding. You'll learn: •Why your brain creates stories about your partner •How assumptions fuel relationship conflict •The difference between perception and reality •Why negative stories stick more than positive ones •How childhood experiences shape the narratives you carry into adulthood •What to do when you catch yourself assuming the worst •The simple question that can help break the cycle Through personal stories about dirt bikes, painting projects, parenting, and everyday misunderstandings, Dr. Tracy and Greg show how easy it is to react to a story instead of the person standing in front of you. The goal isn't to become a better mind reader; it's to become more curious about the story you're telling yourself. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who tends to overthink, assume the worst, or get caught in relationship stories. (And don't forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode!) 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.. Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 11 · 35 min
How to Share Your Feelings Without Triggering Defensiveness
Have you ever tried to share something vulnerable with your partner… and somehow the conversation turned into an argument? Maybe you’ve said, “I didn’t tell you because I was afraid of your reaction.” It sounds honest. It sounds vulnerable. But is it? In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg break down one of the most common communication traps couples fall into: when vulnerability accidentally turns into blame. There’s a powerful difference between saying “I’m afraid you’ll reject me," and, “I’m afraid of your reaction.” One invites connection. The other often invites defensiveness. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “That’s not what I meant,” this episode will help you understand: Why “I’m afraid of your reaction” can escalate conflict The subtle difference between explaining and being defensive How negative cycles get triggered without you realizing it Why intent and impact matter differently in communication How to slow down and identify the softer emotions underneath anger What to say instead if you want connection instead of escalation Dr. Tracy and Greg also explore how we unintentionally displace our fears onto our partner, and how learning to name rejection, shame, loneliness, or not-enoughness changes everything. Because real vulnerability isn’t about pointing outward; it’s about going inward first. If you want to feel closer instead of stuck in the same argument, this conversation will give you the language to start. 📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here. Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER? One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you. Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here. Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner. Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to You Tube Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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