Society & CultureRelationshipsEducationSelf-Improvement

Dating Intentionally

Talia Koren

What if modern dating didn't have to feel exhausting, confusing or like a second job? Dating Intentionally is the podcast for singles who are done with outdated dating rules and are ready to date with clarity, confidence and purpose.

Whether you're back in the dating pool after a breakup, using the apps for the first (or millionth) time, trying to stop attracting the wrong people, or just figuring out how to find your person in all the chaos, you're in the right place. Dating Intentionally is your how-to guide for making decisions that align with your values while finding joy in the process.

Hosted by Talia Koren, Dating Intentionally dives into practical advice to help you attract better matches, build real connections and move toward the relationship you want - no matter what season of life you're in. Talia shares realistic, grounded advice from her experience going on 150 dates with over 60 people in under a year before meeting her husband, plus helpful conversations with guest experts, therapists and authors to guide you in your early dating journey.

Tune in for new episodes on Tuesdays and Fridays!

If you've ever asked yourself any of these questions, Dating Intentionally is for you:

Why do I keep attracting the wrong people?

How can I slow down in early dating?

How do I stop going for emotionally unavailable partners?

How many dates should we have before we define the relationship?

How do I tell the difference between green flags, red flags and dealbreakers?

How do I get back out there after a breakup?

Where can I meet people who want a serious relationship?

What are the signs they're interested in me?

How do I know if we're compatible?

How do I stop wasting time on dead-end dates?

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Friday · 1 hr
301. How To Navigate Jealousy In Dating & Relationships w/ Ally Iseman
What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why jealousy gets such a bad reputation, what it’s actually trying to tell us, and how to work through it without blaming your partner or shaming yourself. Ally breaks down the different types of jealousy, including insecurity, comparison, fear of abandonment, distrust, and retroactive jealousy, and explains why learning to tolerate discomfort is one of the most important relationship skills you can build. We’re getting into how to... The difference between jealousy and envy Figure out whether your jealousy is about you, your relationship, or something from your past What to do when jealousy comes up Work through retroactive jealousy Ask your partner for reassurance without making them responsible for your emotions Handle it when your partner is jealous of your past Understand the difference between boundaries, rules, and relationship agreements Stop trying to force certainty or commitment before you actually know someone Build the relationship skills that help you navigate uncomfortable conversations Decide what to do when the person you’re dating handles a situation in a way that completely turns you off Plus, Ally and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who showed up to a museum and caught the guy she was seeing on a date with another woman after he told her he was sick. CONNECT WITH ALLY on Instagram THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Tuesday · 36 min
300. How to Stop Trying to Control Everything in Your Love Life (Dating Dilemmas)
Dating comes with a lot of frustrating uncertainty. You can’t know if attraction will grow, whether someone will choose the relationship, or how another person will react when you tell them the truth. In this special 300th episode of Dating Intentionally, I’m answering your dating dilemmas about what happens when you want certainty, but the situation simply can’t give it to you yet. We’re getting into four dating dilemmas: How long should you give someone to warm up physically when you’re tired of making the first move? What do you do when you’ve been telling little lies to make someone like you and now the relationship is getting more serious? Should you give a longtime friend a romantic chance when you’re not sure the attraction is there? How long do you wait when your partner says they need to “figure things out”? I’m talking about... Why trying to control the outcome can actually make dating harder How to tell the difference between accepting someone’s pace and ignoring your own needs Why self-worth can affect how honestly you show up when you really like someone What to do when you’re curious about someone but don’t feel an immediate spark Why you don’t need to play out an entire relationship in your head before you’ve even gone on one date What “figuring things out” should actually look like inside a relationship How to make dating decisions when you have no idea how the story will end And because this is episode 300, I’m ending with a rapid-fire Q&A covering questions like: What’s the most underrated green flag? How do you stop obsessing over someone after it ends? Should you give up if they cancel twice without rescheduling? How do you tell someone you don’t want to text all day? And how do you stay unbothered when you know the person you’re dating is seeing other people too? Submit a dating dilemma THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 18 · 50 min
299. How to Stay Open When You’re Fed Up With Dating w/ Serena Kerrigan
What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s Fucking Date, about lowering the stakes in dating, stopping the need to control the outcome, and staying open to connections that don’t look exactly how you expected. Serena shares how meeting her boyfriend challenged her assumptions about age, success, and what the “right” partner should look like, plus the mindset shifts that helped her stop overmanaging her dating life and actually enjoy it. We’re getting into how to... Use Serena’s “potential, practice, or plot” framework to make every date feel worthwhile Stop putting so much pressure on every first date to become something Stay open to people who don’t fit the picture you had in your head Tell the difference between showing interest and doing too much Give someone enough space to actually reveal how interested they are Let go of control when dating feels uncertain Get out of your comfort zone when your dating life feels stagnant Stop treating self-improvement like a formula that guarantees you a relationship Know when an “ick” is meaningful and when you might need to get a grip Date with a more abundant mindset when age and timelines are stressing you out THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 15 · 28 min
298. 7 Dating Mistakes That Make Finding a Relationship Take Longer
Feel like you're done wasting time on the wrong connections? I get it! In this episode, I'm breaking down seven of the most common mistakes I see people make in early dating, from dating someone's potential and staying in situationships to taking constant dating breaks, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, and being pen pals. I'm also sharing what to do differently so you can protect your time and energy and get closer to the relationship you actually want. In this episode, you'll learn: Why dating someone's potential can keep you invested way too long How staying in a situationship can delay you from finding your person Why constantly taking breaks from dating may be slowing you down and what to work on instead How speaking up about small issues early can reveal someone's ability to handle conflict What it means to date from your "back foot" and why it's a time waster Why texting for weeks before meeting can create false intimacy How to recognize red flags without confusing them with preferences Why getting curious about someone's behavior can help you make better decisions sooner How to stay grounded in who someone is today instead of who you hope they'll become Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 40-year-old man who just learned that his new girlfriend occasionally smokes cigarettes and he's not sure what to do. Ready to date with intention? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker at thedatetracker.com! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Ep 260 - How to end a situationship Ep 186 - Tips for taking a dating break Ep 286 - Balancing effort in early dating Ep 192 - Sneaky red flags in early dating THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 11 · 55 min
297. Hidden Ways Low Self-Worth Shows Up in Dating (And How to Change It) w/ Dr. Marisa G. Franco
How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we interpret rejection, and even our ability to accept love from someone who genuinely likes us. We’ll also explore what it means to build self-worth and how to stop dating from a place of fear and start going after what you want. We’re getting into how to... Understand the difference between self-esteem and self-worth Recognize when you’re dating to avoid rejection instead of pursuing what you want Understand why rejection hits some people so much harder than others Identify old experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourself Stop assuming someone doesn’t like you when there’s no evidence they don’t Build self-worth by paying attention and responding to your emotions Know when you’re seeking healthy reassurance versus outsourcing your worth to a partner Navigate dating when you don’t feel completely confident or worthy yet MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. Franco Marisa's website THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating? Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 8 · 29 min
296. How to Spot (and Break) the Dating Patterns Keeping You Stuck
There's a reason you keep dating the same people in different fonts: it's your dating patterns. In this episode, I'm sharing the three patterns I discovered while tracking my own dating life, how they were getting in the way of the relationship I actually wanted, and what I did differently once I could finally see them. I'm also walking you through a simple way to identify your own patterns and turn them into experiments so you can start getting different dating results. In this episode, you'll learn: What dating patterns actually are and how they can quietly influence who you choose and how you behave Common patterns like getting attached too quickly, chasing unavailable people, staying too long, or writing people off too soon The three dating patterns I discovered in my own dating life Why I stopped rushing physical intimacy and started approaching sex differently How I realized I was trying to earn affection instead of evaluating whether someone was right for me Why consistency can feel less exciting when you're used to chasing someone's attention How tracking my dates helped me spot behaviors I couldn't see in the moment How to turn your own dating patterns into small experiments that help you make different choices Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 41-year-old man figuring out how to start dating again after a 13-year marriage—and how to avoid falling back into old people-pleasing habits. Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 277 on IRL dating What my date tracking note looked like & the emoji key THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 4 · 57 min
295. How to Give Someone a Chance Without Settling w/ Jordanne Sculler
How do you stay open-minded in dating without settling for less than what you want? And what happens when someone treats you well, checks a lot of the important boxes, but something still feels… off? In this episode, I’m joined by licensed therapist Jordanne Sculler to talk about the messy, nuanced parts of dating that don’t fit neatly into a set of rules. We unpack why familiar relationship dynamics can feel more attractive than healthy ones, why self-awareness alone doesn’t always break old patterns, and how to tell when you’re honoring your needs versus shrinking yourself to keep someone around. Listen for... How to be open in dating without lowering your standards Why dating checklists can get in the way of real connection The difference between self-soothing and suppressing a legitimate need Why someone healthy might initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar How to stop focusing so much on whether someone likes you and ask whether you like them What dating disappointment can bring up about your self-worth How social media can reinforce negative stories about dating Grieving the relationship or life timeline you thought you’d have by now Why processing disappointment is different from simply “getting over it” How Jordanne met her husband after initially writing him off And at the end, we answer a dating dilemma from a woman wondering if she made a huge mistake by ending things with a great guy who didn’t feel like her person. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 1 · 30 min
294. 5 Tiny Habits That Will Transform Your Dating Life
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tiny habits that can help you get better dating results, feel more confident and in control, and make dating a little more enjoyable. We’ll talk about how to make decisions without endlessly second-guessing yourself, learn from your dates, show interest without playing games, protect your mindset from dating negativity, and get clear on intentions early. In this episode, we cover: How being more decisive can build confidence and self-trust Why tracking and reflecting on your dates can help you spot patterns and learn what actually works for you How to show interest when you're interested without playing it cool or worrying about “double texting” Why opting out of negative dating narratives can help you stay open and hopeful How bringing up your intentions early can help you avoid confusion, situationships, and wasted time Dating habits from the Dating Intentionally community that helped people stay grounded and keep going A dating dilemma about bad timing, competing connections, and whether being direct after two dates was “too much” Ready to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 286 - If they wanted to they would? The truth about effort in dating THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Say hi on Instagram Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 28 · 42 min
293. Why What Happens After The Date Matters Most (First Date Vibe Check)
What can you learn from a first date that was just okay? And why does what happens after the date sometimes tell you more than the date itself? This is another episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on a listener to walk me through a recent first date, from matching and messaging to the date itself, the post-date feelings, and what happened next. This time, I’m talking to Katelyn (39), a single mom looking for a long-term relationship. She met “Trey” on Facebook Dating, moved the conversation over to Instagram, and eventually went on a two-hour dinner date. We’re getting into: Why she prefers active first dates over dinner How she uses Instagram in her dating life The green flags she looks for in dating app conversations How she realized she wasn’t actually that excited about him Why feeling safe and having a “good enough” time doesn’t automatically mean you should go on a second date The post-date interaction that gave her a whole new data point Her firm boundary around second dates at home How she decides whether to give someone another chance And how to spend less time on the apps while getting to the date faster Plus, Katelyn shares her best advice for staying positive when dating feels like a never-ending series of almosts. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app (iOS only for now) so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 25 · 25 min
292. Getting Back Into Dating? How to Start Without Losing Your Mind (Throwback)
Whether you’re newly single, coming out of a long-term relationship, or you’ve simply been out of the dating world for years, getting back into dating can feel overwhelming. The apps have changed, the dating culture has changed, and you may have changed, too. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to get back into the dating scene with less pressure, more confidence, and a whole lot more perspective. Think of this as your dating bestie’s guide to getting your feet wet again without expecting yourself to immediately find your future spouse. Listen for: How to know if you’re actually ready to date Why your first goal should simply be going on a date, not finding a relationship How to lower the stakes Why awkward, boring, or unsuccessful dates are actually part of the process The different ways to meet people to date How to manage fears around rejection, inexperience, being judged, or someone changing their mind Why you need to stop getting ahead of yourself How journaling, setting intentions, and finding ways to feel confident can make the process feel more manageable The biggest lessons I learned when I jumped back into dating after a six-year relationship And I'm sharing a new dating dilemma at the end about trying to figure out whether someone wants kids before you date them. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Start tracking dates with Date Tracker (iOS) Submit a dating dilemma Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 21 · 35 min
291. Are No Red Flags a Green Flag? (First Date Vibe Check)
If someone doesn't have any red flags, is that a green flag? This is the third episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward. This time, I'm talking to Jenny, a 27-year-old in the UK who is relatively new to dating and using it to build confidence, meet people, and figure out what she actually wants. She met "Steve" on Breeze, an app that skips the messaging and gets you straight to the date. We're getting into her unconventional first-date setup, the venue that had absolutely no vibe, the spontaneous bar-hopping that followed, and the green flags and amber flags she noticed along the way. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 18 · 27 min
290. You Don't Need Certainty to Make a Good Dating Decision (Dating Dilemmas)
How much information do you actually need before you make a decision in your dating life? In this episode, I’m answering four real dating dilemmas that all come down to that one question. We’re talking about dating two people and not knowing who to choose, deciding whether a sexual-health disclosure is a deal breaker, trying to figure out whether a struggling relationship is still worth fighting for, and realizing in hindsight that someone wasn’t quite who you thought they were. The common thread? You’re rarely going to get 100% certainty in early dating. Instead, you have to learn how to gather information, stay connected to your values, and make decisions based on what you actually know, not what you wish you knew. Submit a dating dilemma In this episode: How to choose between two people without turning dating into a competition What to do when someone discloses an STI and you’re unsure how you feel about it How to tell when someone is overwhelmed by life versus no longer prioritizing the relationship What to make of someone who seems great at first but gradually reveals a very different side of themselves Why you should evaluate people against your own needs, not against each other How to make good dating decisions without waiting for perfect certainty THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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August 14 · 40 min
289. Is It Bad If A First Date Feels Too Easy? (First Date Vibe Check)
What if a first date is too easy and comfortable? This is the second episode of First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me, from how they met and planned the date to what actually happened and how they felt afterward. This time, I'm talking to Carol Ann, a 47-year-old single mom in the Midwest who met Zach on Hinge after taking a several-month break from dating. We're getting into her dating-app approach, the messaging that led to this first date, and how she's learned to trust her body. Carol Ann also shares her thoughts on the spark, the green flags she noticed along the way, and what happened after. Stay tuned for her update at the end. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 11 · 28 min
288. Why Relationships Keep Ending at 3 Months (Is It You or Them?)
Why do so many relationships seem to fall apart at around three months? You finally feel like things are going somewhere, and then suddenly, something shifts. In this episode, I'm breaking down the “three-month cliff” and what’s really happening when a promising relationship suddenly fizzles, pulls back, or ends. We’ll talk about: The 3 biggest reasons relationships fall apart around three months How to tell whether it’s a genuine incompatibility, a commitment issue, or simply a lack of chemistry Signs that it's you or them (depending on the situation) How to actually make it past the three-month mark Why a three-month relationship that ends is NOT a failure Plus, I answer a dating dilemma from a 43-year-old man who is worried about eventually outliving his future partner. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Episode 285 with Chris Rackliffe about codependency THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 7 · 41 min
287. When a First Date Feels More Friendly Than Flirty (First Date Vibe Check)
This is the first episode of a new series called First Date Vibe Check, where I bring on listeners who are actively dating to walk through a recent first date with me - how they met, how the date got planned, what actually happened, and how they felt afterward. First up is Savannah, a 30-year-old middle school teacher in California who's had a wild six months, including discovering the boyfriend she'd been dating for three months had a wife. We're discussing everything from why speed dating rebuilt her dating confidence to sending the first message when nobody reaches out to the exact moment a good first date starts to get awkward. Savannah also shares the shift that took the pressure off her first dates: you don't need to feel romantic feelings on date one; you just need to feel safe and curious. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Want to break down a first date with me on the pod? Apply here. Get the Date Tracker app so you can do your own vibe checks! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Book a 1:1 with me Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
August 4 · 26 min
286. If They Wanted To, They Would? The Truth About Effort In Early Dating
When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work? In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about effort in dating: why some people initiate more than others, what someone’s effort actually tells you about their interest, and how to stop spiraling when someone goes quiet. Tune in for... What effort and initiation actually look like in dating (and why they matter) The real reasons someone might not initiate, and why the reason doesn’t change what you do next The one question to ask yourself when dating feels one-sided: do you want clarity, connection, or desire? The “I can’t tell” text and exactly when to send it Why “if they wanted to, they would” is complicated dating advice The difference between having standards, setting boundaries, and trying to control someone’s behavior Why initiation chicken and wanting to be chased can keep you stuck How multi-dating helped me stop investing in people who weren’t showing up How to tell the difference between a normal imbalance in effort and a connection that isn’t reciprocal Whether you’re carrying a connection for a few weeks, wondering why you’re always the one making plans, or staring at your phone trying to figure out what their silence means, this episode will help you stop decoding their behavior and start paying attention to what their effort is showing you. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a man who reconnected with someone he dated 18 years ago and has spent two months texting without ever meeting up. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Book a 1:1 with me Close The Loop text templates Free texting guide THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS 💗 Bellesa: EVERYONE gets a free Rose suction toy with EVERY single order! bboutique.co/vibe/datingintentionally-pod 😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65 🛏️ Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first order MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Get the Date Tracker app! Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
July 31 · 58 min
285. Why You Lose Yourself When You Start Dating Someone w/ Chris Rackliffe
Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment, who's helped thousands of people heal from patterns of trauma, abandonment, and codependency. We're getting into why we lose ourselves in dating and what to do about it. We cover: The earliest signs you're starting to abandon yourself when you meet someone new Why resentment is the clearest signal a compromise has tipped into self-betrayal Chris's framework for codependency Why guilt is proportional to how long you've been overriding your own needs His concept of emotional diversification, and why spreading out your sources of connection is a protective strategy, not just something nice to have How to apply this whether you're in early dating or an established relationship Whether opposite sleep schedules are actually a dealbreaker At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether opposite sleep schedules are a dealbreaker. CONNECT WITH CHRIS Find Chris on Instagram and TikTok THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally FREE STUFF Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY Submit a dating dilemma Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube Join the Date Tracker app waitlist Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
July 28 · 29 min
284. Rejected? Here's How to Bounce Back Faster In Early Dating
Rejection doesn't have to destroy your confidence or convince you that you'll never find your person. In this episode, I'm sharing how to bounce back faster after getting rejected, ghosted, or hearing "there wasn't a spark." We'll talk about why rejection feels so personal, how to stop the anxiety spirals before they take over, and the mindset shifts that will help you keep your self-worth intact while continuing to date intentionally. Tune in for... Why rejection feels so much bigger than it actually is How to stop telling yourself hopeless stories after a "no" The 24-hour rule for bouncing back faster Practical ways to stop anxiety spirals after rejection What to say when someone rejects you (and what not to say) Why rejection isn't a reflection of your worth The questions to ask yourself instead of "What's wrong with me?" My own experiences navigating rejection while dating Whether you've been ghosted before a first date or rejected after a few months of dating, this episode will help you move forward with more confidence and resilience. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dating Roadblock Quiz Episode 281 (Kelsey Darragh) on healing after heartbreak Episode 221 (Cole Zesinger) on moving on after a breakup My "closing the loop" text templates Instead of asking "what's wrong with me," get curious and reflect on these questions: Am I consistently pursuing people who aren't available or aren't looking for the same thing? Am I showing up as myself, or am I trying to earn someone's approval? Am I choosing people based on mutual interest, or am I getting attached to potential before they've shown consistent effort? Am I overlooking signs that someone isn't able to meet me where I am? Am I being curious, showing interest, and being direct, or am I playing games to get their attention? Am I owning who I am, or leading with my insecurities? THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally FREE STUFF Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more CONNECT WITH ME Submit a dating dilemma Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
July 24 · 55 min
283. Relationship Compatibility: What Science Says Actually Matters w/ Paul Eastwick
Is someone being "out of your league" even a real thing? In this episode, I'm chatting with relationship scientist and author Paul Eastwick (Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection) to unpack the science of mate value, why matchmaking based on shared traits almost never works, and what actually predicts compatibility (it's not the traits on your list). From decoding your own dating patterns to knowing when attraction is genuinely going to grow, this conversation is packed with practical, research-backed advice for anyone who feels stuck comparing partners against a checklist. In this episode, we cover: Why what you say you want in a partner doesn't predict who you actually choose The truth about mate value and dating "out of your league" Why matchmaking based on shared traits and interests rarely works What actually predicts long-term compatibility (hint: it's not a trait) Why attraction often grows slowly instead of hitting all at once Whether a strict list of dealbreakers helps or hurts you At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a situationship where trust was broken, and whether it's worth trying to repair it. CONNECT WITH PAUL Love Factually podcast THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally FREE STUFF Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more CONNECT WITH ME Submit a dating dilemma Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
July 21 · 25 min
282. Flaky Dates, Slow Texters and Catching Feelings When It's Casual (Dating Dilemmas)
Dating today can be a mess, and so much of that mess stems from confusion, uncertainty, and ambiguity showing up in ways that just infuriate us. In this episode, I'm answering four listener dating dilemmas that each capture a different flavor of that chaos, from the planning-phase ghost to the partner whose humor crosses a line to the slow fade that sends you spiraling over someone you barely know. These aren't rare, one-off situations either. I hear versions of these same four patterns constantly, which is exactly why I wanted to break them down together. I'm covering: What to do when a guy keeps initiating dates that never actually happen Why a plan without a set time, date, and location usually isn't a real plan at all How to know if you're being "managerial" by helping plan a date, or just being reasonable How to handle a new boyfriend whose "jokes" cross a real line What it means when a partner says the only way to be with you is to suppress part of himself Whether to say something when a casual connection's slow responses start to bother you How much effort is reasonable to expect when you're not looking for anything serious How to hold onto your sense of self when someone goes quiet after a great phone call How to tell the difference between an old trigger and an actual red flag in the moment For each one, I give you the exact tweak I'd make if I were in your shoes, along with the bigger pattern underneath so you can spot it before it drains you again. My hope is that you walk away from this episode more decisive, less likely to spiral, and a little more convinced that most of this isn't actually about you. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally FREE STUFF Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more CONNECT WITH ME Submit a dating dilemma Slide into my DMs on IG Watch the pod on YouTube See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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