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Before it Breaks with Gabriella Pomare

Gabriella Pomare

Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a raw and honest relationship podcast about what really happens before love becomes distance, before resentment replaces repair, and before the emotional cracks in a relationship become visible to the outside world.


Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother, co-parent and family lawyer, this podcast explores the private relationship patterns people often recognise too late: emotional disconnection, quiet withdrawal, relationship burnout, the mental load, invisible labour, communication breakdown, marriage resentment, intimacy issues, conflict, repair, motherhood, parenting, co-parenting, separation, divorce and the complicated process of rebuilding.


Most relationships do not break in one dramatic moment. They begin to fracture much earlier, in the silence after conflict, the repeated “I’m fine,” the missed bids for connection, the conversations that keep getting postponed, the text message that shifts the entire day, the loneliness of lying beside someone and feeling completely alone, and the quiet moment one person slowly stops reaching.


Each episode of Before It Breaks looks at the emotional reality of modern relationships and family life. Through conversations with experts, authors, thought leaders, creatives and real voices, Gabriella explores what people wish they had understood earlier — before the distance became normal, before the resentment felt too heavy, before the mental load became unbearable, before the relationship, family or sense of self began to break.


This is a podcast for anyone searching for honest conversations about relationships, marriage, emotional disconnection, relationship repair, communication, intimacy, conflict, mental load, motherhood, parenting, co-parenting, blended families, separation, divorce, modern love and what it means to rebuild with more clarity and self-awareness.

For the person lying awake next to someone and feeling completely alone.


For the mother carrying the whole family in her head.

For the partner wondering whether this is just a hard season or the beginning of the end.

For the person who feels the relationship has changed, even if nothing obvious has happened.

For the parent trying to protect their children from the emotional weight of adult conflict.

For the co-parent trying to stay calm in a conversation that still hurts.

For anyone navigating love, resentment, repair, grief, parenting, separation, rebuilding or the quiet question: “How did we get here?”


Before It Breaks is about the moments people often dismiss, minimise or explain away. The loss of warmth. The absence of repair. The emotional labour no one sees. The small ruptures that build over time. The silence that becomes the relationship. The ways modern life, ambition, motherhood, stress, family expectations, social media, mental load and unresolved hurt can slowly change how people love, communicate and stay connected.


It is not just a podcast about endings. It is a podcast about noticing earlier.

Before the resentment hardens.

Before the silence becomes normal.

Before the emotional load becomes too heavy.

Before love turns into distance.

Before it breaks.


This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.

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  • 27 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 36 min
  • English

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  • S3 · E6
    Yesterday · 32 min

    S3 E6: Why Wait Until It's Broken? The Case for Couples Therapy Before a Crisis

    Do you really need to be on the brink of separation before you consider couples therapy? Or could getting help while your relationship is still good be one of the smartest things you ever do? We service our cars, schedule health checks and invest in our careers before something goes wrong. Yet when it comes to our relationships, we often wait until resentment has built, communication has broken down or one partner is already halfway out the door before asking for help. In this solo episode of Before It Breaks, family lawyer, author and relationship commentator Gabriella Pomare challenges the stigma surrounding couples therapy and explores why relationship counselling shouldn't be reserved for marriages in crisis. Drawing on years of experience working with couples navigating separation, Gabriella examines the subtle warning signs of emotional disconnection, the difference between a relationship that's struggling and one that's simply drifting, and why the absence of arguments doesn't always mean everything is okay. From the mental load of parenthood and declining intimacy to recurring arguments, emotional withdrawal and the fear of suggesting therapy, this episode explores what happens when two people become excellent at managing a life together but slowly lose sight of the relationship inside it. In this episode, Gabriella explores: Couples therapy before a crisis: Why preventative relationship counselling can be valuable even when nothing is obviously wrong. The silent drift in long-term relationships: How couples become housemates, co-parents or business partners without noticing their emotional connection fading. Why couples keep having the same arguments: Understanding the deeper patterns behind conflict, criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal. The mental load and relationship resentment: Why arguments about housework, parenting and the dishwasher are rarely just about the practical issue. The pursuer–withdrawer cycle: What happens when one partner needs reassurance and the other needs space. How to suggest couples therapy without blaming your partner: Changing the conversation from “you need fixing” to “our relationship is worth protecting”. Relationship check-ins and communication tools: Five practical ways to strengthen connection, navigate change and repair conflict before resentment takes hold. The central question: Why does the possibility of losing someone sometimes create an urgency that their unhappiness never did? This episode isn't about convincing every couple to go to therapy or suggesting that every relationship should be saved. It's about recognising that love alone doesn't teach us how to communicate, navigate conflict, maintain intimacy or grow together through life's transitions. Because sometimes the most important relationship conversations aren't the ones we have when someone is ready to leave. They're the quieter ones we choose to have years earlier. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare explores modern relationships, marriage, dating, divorce, communication, parenting and the conversations that can change everything. Follow Gabriella: Instagram @thegabriellapomare Website: www.gabriellapomare.com Newsletter: The Modern Relationship Edit on Substack New episodes of Before It Breaks are available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube and iHeartRadio.

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  • S3 · E5
    October 13 · 1 hr 4 min

    S3 E5: The Truth About Step-Parenting, Exes & Blended Families with Kris Byrnes

    What happens when you fall in love with someone who already has children, an ex-partner and an entire family history that existed long before you arrived? Dating after divorce or separation can be exciting, hopeful and full of possibility, but when children are involved, building a new relationship is rarely as simple as two people falling in love. Suddenly there are co-parenting arrangements, competing loyalties, ex-partners, stepchildren, jealousy, parenting boundaries and difficult conversations about where everybody fits. In Season 3, Episode 6 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare is joined by Kris Byrnes, step-parent coach, podcast host and stepmother, for an honest conversation about the emotional reality of step-parenting, blended families and finding love again after separation. Drawing on Kris's personal experience as a stepmother and Gabriella's perspective as a family lawyer, they explore the challenges that arise when a new romantic relationship becomes part of an existing family, including the pressure on step-parents to love children as their own, the insecurity that can arise around former partners and the delicate balance between protecting children and prioritising a new relationship. They discuss why step-parenting can feel lonely, how guilt after divorce affects parenting decisions, why children sometimes reject a new partner, and how couples can establish boundaries without creating more conflict. Gabriella and Kris also explore one of the most controversial questions in blended families: when does setting boundaries with an ex-partner cross the line into controlling behaviour, particularly when a child's relationship with their parent begins to suffer? In this episode, you'll discover: What people underestimate about dating someone with children and becoming a step-parent. Why jealousy, resentment and insecurity can arise even in loving blended families. How to establish healthy boundaries with ex-partners while protecting co-parenting relationships. Why step-parents can experience burnout from trying too hard to be accepted. How to navigate discipline, household expectations and the difficult words, “You're not my mum” or “You're not my dad.” Whether children should always come first, and how to protect the couple relationship without making children feel displaced. How to help children feel emotionally secure when a parent begins a new relationship. The difference between healthy co-parenting boundaries and behaviour that may become controlling. Whether you're dating someone with kids, navigating divorce and remarriage, raising children in a blended family, co-parenting with an ex or struggling to find your place as a step-parent, this episode offers an honest look at the conversations that need to happen before resentment and insecurity begin to damage the relationships you're trying to build. About the guest Kris Byrnes is a step-parent coach, stepmother and host of the Our Step Parent Podcast, supporting individuals and couples navigating step-parenting, blended families, boundaries and relationships after separation. Find Kris on Instagram: @stepparentcoach About the host Gabriella Pomare is a family lawyer, author, relationship commentator and host of Before It Breaks, exploring modern love, communication, conflict, separation and the conversations that can change relationships before they break. Follow Gabriella: @thegabriellapomare Website: https://gabriellapomare.com

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  • S3 · E4
    October 6 · 34 min

    S3 E4: Should I Stay or Leave? The Signs You’re Staying Too Long in a Relationship

    How do you know if your relationship is going through a hard season — or if you’ve simply stayed too long? In Season 3, Episode 4 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores one of the hardest questions people ask themselves inside a struggling relationship: should I stay or should I leave? We hear a lot about people giving up too quickly. About commitment. About doing the work. But there is another side to that conversation: staying long after a relationship has become emotionally disconnected, resentful, lonely or stuck. Gabriella looks at the difference between staying and trying, and why remaining in a relationship is not the same as actively repairing it. This episode explores emotional disconnection, resentment, contempt, loss of attraction, relationship burnout, staying together for the kids, sunk cost, and the quieter signs that can appear long before a relationship officially ends. Gabriella also unpacks her Love, Fear, Guilt or Habit framework — a way of asking what is actually keeping you in the relationship. Are you staying because there is still love and a genuine desire to rebuild? Or because leaving feels too frightening? Are you staying because repair is possible? Or because history, children, guilt or habit make it difficult to imagine another life? At the centre of the episode is one important question: If nothing changed in the next five years, would you still choose this relationship? This is not an episode telling people to stay. It is not an episode telling people to leave. It is about becoming honest enough to understand the difference between a difficult season and a deeper pattern. Plus, Gabriella answers anonymous Dear Gabriella dilemmas and shares a Don’t Do What I Did story about confusing staying with trying. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a podcast about modern love, real relationships and the conversations people often have too late. Instagram: @thegabriellapomare Website: gabriellapomare.com For general information and discussion only. This podcast is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy. Chapters: 00:00 Should I Stay or Leave? 03:10 Are We Giving Up Too Soon or Staying Too Long? 07:25 Hard Season or Bigger Pattern? 12:10 Staying Is Not the Same as Trying 16:40 Love, Fear, Guilt or Habit? 21:20 Dear Gabriella: Nothing Is Wrong, But I Feel Nothing 27:15 Resentment, Contempt & Emotional Disconnection 32:05 What If You’ve Lost Attraction? 36:30 Are You Leaving the Relationship or Escaping Your Life? 41:10 Staying Together for the Kids 46:00 Dear Gabriella: I Stayed for the Kids 50:40 The Sunk-Cost Problem 54:20 Don’t Do What I Did 58:10 The Question to Ask Yourself 1:01:30 When Leaving Can Be an Act of Honesty 1:04:00 So, Should You Stay or Leave?

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  • S3 · E3
    September 29 · 58 min

    S3 E3: The Long Game: What Actually Makes a Relationship Last? with Zoe Marshall

    What actually makes two people stay together — not just remain married, but continue to choose each other? After asking “Are we leaving relationships too soon?” in Episode 2, Gabriella sits down with author, podcaster and media personality Zoe Marshall for a candid conversation about the other side of that question: what allows a relationship to survive the ordinary, unglamorous pressures of a long life together? Zoe and her husband Benji have been together for almost two decades and married for nearly 14 years. Their relationship has lived alongside professional sport, media, demanding careers, fertility, parenthood, travel, public scrutiny and enormous personal change. But Zoe is clear that longevity hasn’t come from simply finding “the right person” and hoping the relationship takes care of itself. In this conversation, Gabriella and Zoe talk about what it really means to keep choosing someone when life becomes busy, complicated and decidedly less romantic — from maintaining chemistry and intimacy to having separate bedrooms, separate interests and enough independence to actually miss each other. They unpack resentment, sex, parenting, conflict and repair; why children can benefit from seeing healthy disagreement and reconciliation; how couples can protect their relationship when careers become consuming; and why knowing somebody deeply over time can become one of the overlooked rewards of staying. Because nobody online knows the entire history of your relationship. They weren’t there for the difficult years, the private tenderness, the ordinary Tuesday nights or the moments you found your way back to each other. And equally, a long history alone is never a reason to stay. Pasted text In this episode: - What nearly 14 years of marriage has taught Zoe about love - Chemistry, attraction and keeping intimacy alive - Anxious and avoidant attachment inside a long relationship - Why Zoe and Benji started couples therapy early - Going to therapy before the relationship is in crisis - Why separate bedrooms and separate lives don't necessarily mean disconnection - Careers, ambition and knowing when your partner needs more from you - Resentment and the small changes that can prevent it building - Fighting in front of children — and why repair matters - Sex, touch and intimacy after years together - Dating your partner again - Why one person cannot meet every emotional need - Social media, relationship advice and the pressure to interpret every difficulty as a “red flag” - The difference between simply staying and actively choosing each other Dear Gabriella A listener has been married for 13 years. There’s been no affair, abuse or enormous betrayal. They’re good friends, good parents and their life works — but sex, intimacy and conversations that aren't about children, money or household logistics have almost disappeared.r?” Zoe and Gabriella unpack whether a relationship like this needs an ending… or simply needs some oxygen. 🎙️ Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare — Season 3, Episode 3 Have a relationship question you’ve never known how to ask? Submit a Dear Gabriella or Don’t Do What I Did anonymously at gabriellapomare.com, or DM @thegabriellapomare. Before It Breaks, Gabriella’s new book exploring modern love, conflict, disconnection, repair and the conversations that change everything, is coming in 2027.

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  • S3 · E2
    September 22 · 20 min

    S3 E2: How It Ended: Are We Leaving Too Soon?

    Sometimes a relationship ends with a clear moment. An affair. A message. A fight. Somebody walking out. But sometimes there is no single moment at all. Two people slowly stop being a couple, and by the time one person finally says, “I don't think I want to do this anymore,” the other is left wondering when the relationship actually ended. In Episode 2 of Season 3 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare asks one of the more complicated questions facing modern relationships: Are we leaving too soon? Or did previous generations simply stay far too long? We now have more relationship information than ever before. Within seconds, social media can explain attachment styles, emotional labour, childhood wounds, boundaries, narcissism, trauma, red flags and whether someone thinks you should leave. Some of that language has helped people recognise unhealthy dynamics that previous generations may simply have tolerated. But has access to so much information also made us more likely to interpret every difficult season as evidence that we are with the wrong person? Through two Dear Gabriella relationship dilemmas, Gabriella explores the difference between a relationship that is going through a hard season and one that is genuinely becoming disconnected. The conversation also moves into resentment and contempt, attachment patterns, and the familiar pursue-withdraw cycle where one partner responds to distance by moving closer while the other responds to pressure by moving further away. And then there is something we rarely talk about seriously in long relationships:the ick. What happens when nothing dramatic has occurred, but suddenly you don't want your partner touching you anymore? Is that evidence the relationship is over? Or could the body sometimes be responding to resentment, exhaustion, emotional disconnection, the mental load or years of feeling unseen? This episode explores: hard season vs genuine disconnection whether modern couples are leaving too quickly burnout and relationship dissatisfaction work becoming an emotional escape losing yourself inside marriage and parenthood resentment turning into contempt anxious and avoidant attachment patterns why leaving a relationship doesn't necessarily mean leaving your patterns behind emotional withdrawal before separation the ick and loss of desire in long relationships whether attraction can return social media and modern relationship expectations staying too long vs leaving too quickly what real repair actually requires SUBMIT TO DEAR GABRIELLA Have a relationship dilemma, anonymous question or story you want Gabriella to unpack? Submit anonymously through the link at gabriellapomare.com or DM Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare. You can also submit your Don't Do What I Did — the thing you understand now that you wish you had understood earlier.'' Chapters: 00:00 Intro and recap of last week's episode 00:52 Relationships ending in 2026 and the comparison trap 02:24 Dear Gabriella: 14 years, disconnected but not fighting 05:16 Numb about the marriage or numb about life 08:28 Resentment, the quiet relationship killer 10:20 Attachment patterns and the pursue/withdraw cycle 11:52 Leaving too soon or staying too long 13:24 The ick, information not instruction 17:04 Don't Do What I Did: processed the breakup alone 18:36 Outro, submissions, and the book announcement

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  • S3 · E1
    September 15 · 20 min

    S3 E1: Before the Affair: When Friendship Becomes Emotional Betrayal

    When does a close friendship cross the line into an emotional affair? In the Season 3 premiere of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare returns to the hot seat to explore what happens before the affair — the silence that replaces honesty, the emotional distance that grows unnoticed, the colleague or friend who suddenly makes you feel seen again, and the secrecy that can turn an apparently innocent connection into betrayal. Through three Dear Gabriella relationship dilemmas, Gabriella explores the difference between privacy and secrecy, why emotional affairs often begin gradually rather than intentionally, what unmet needs can reveal about a relationship, and why deleting messages or hiding conversations can be such an important warning sign. She also looks at the aftermath: why discovering an emotional affair can make someone question not only their partner but their own instincts, the difference between apologising and actually repairing trust, and whether a relationship can become stronger after betrayal. Season 3 also introduces Don’t Do What I Did — anonymous hindsight stories about the things people wish they had recognised, said or done before their relationship reached breaking point. Gabriella responds to three relationship dilemmas exploring: When silence becomes a warning sign rather than simply a quiet season. Why emotional affairs often begin without an intention to cheat. The difference between privacy and secrecy. The question to ask when a friendship starts becoming blurry: Would I behave this way if my partner were sitting beside me? Why another person can become so compelling when you no longer feel seen at home. Whether deleting messages is a sign that a boundary has already shifted. What emotional affairs can reveal about both the relationship and the person having one. Why simply cutting contact with the third person may not solve the underlying problem. Why betrayal can destroy trust in your own instincts, not just trust in your partner. The difference between an apology and genuine repair. Whether a relationship can actually become stronger after betrayal. This week’s question: Instead of asking whether something technically counts as cheating, should we be asking why it needs to be hidden from the person we love? Because an affair is often not the first moment a relationship is in trouble. It may simply be the first moment the trouble becomes impossible to ignore. SUBMIT TO DEAR GABRIELLA Have a relationship dilemma, anonymous confession or question you want Gabriella to unpack? Submit anonymously through the link at gabriellapomare.com or send Gabriella a DM on Instagram: @thegabriellapomare You can also send in your Don’t Do What I Did — the lesson you learnt the hard way that someone else may need to hear before they make the same choice. Submissions may be anonymised or identifying details changed before being shared on the podcast. FOLLOW GABRIELLA Instagram: @thegabriellapomare Website: gabriellapomare.com Follow for more conversations from Season 3, listener questions, relationship commentary and behind-the-scenes content from Before It Breaks.

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  • S2 · E10
    September 8 · 40 min

    S2 E 10: Before We Stop Celebrating Each Other: Love, Beauty and Ritual with Kristina Fitzpatrick

    S2 E10: Before We Stop Celebrating Each Other: Love, Beauty and Ritual with Kristina Fitzpatrick In the Season 2 finale of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Kristina Fitzpatrick of Paper and Flowers about love, beauty, family rituals, small gestures, celebration, perfectionism, creativity and what happens when people stop making moments meaningful. What if beauty is not frivolous, but one of the ways we say, “This moment matters”? In the Season 2 finale of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Kristina Fitzpatrick, founder and creative force behind Paper and Flowers, a New York-based studio known for handcrafted paper floral installations, large-scale event design and sustainable visual experiences. This conversation is about beauty, but not in a shallow sense. It is about beauty as memory. Beauty as effort. Beauty as ritual. Beauty as the thing we create around life’s most emotional moments: weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, family gatherings, milestones, endings, beginnings and the moments we want to remember long after they are over. Gabriella and Kristina explore why relationships and families do not only break through conflict. Sometimes they break through neglect. Through busyness. Through assuming there will always be another dinner, another birthday, another anniversary, another chance to make someone feel special. They talk about the small rituals that tell someone: you matter, this matters, we are still here. Kristina shares the story of building Paper and Flowers from a small idea into a creative studio whose very first major client was New York Fashion Week. She reflects on entrepreneurship, resilience, reinvention, confidence, failure, perfectionism, sustainability, creativity and the courage to move quickly even when you are still figuring things out. This episode also looks at the connection between beauty and relationships. How do we create meaningful moments on purpose? What happens when couples stop being intentional with each other? Why do small gestures often matter more than grand displays? And how can we create beauty in ordinary family life, not just for major events? In this episode, Gabriella and Kristina discuss: beauty as memory, effort and ritual; why moments need to be created intentionally; the story behind Paper and Flowers; building a creative business from a bold first idea; New York Fashion Week as Kristina’s first major client; failure, reinvention and not taking setbacks personally; why leadership often requires fast decisions; the emotional meaning behind weddings, birthdays and celebrations; how events can reveal relationship dynamics; social media pressure and the performance of perfection; the difference between beauty and perfectionism; why small gestures keep relationships alive; love languages, effort and emotional attention; creating beauty in everyday family life; date nights, appreciation rituals and protecting connection; why relationships are not always 50/50; and what we still have time to make beautiful before it breaks. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered whether they are letting the meaningful moments pass unnoticed. For the person who has stopped celebrating. For the partner who wants to bring back effort, intention and ritual. For the parent trying to create memories in the middle of a busy life. For the creative, founder or entrepreneur learning not to take failure personally.

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  • S2 · E9
    September 1 · 33 min

    S2 E9: Before the Table Empties: Food, Family and the Quiet Labour of Care with Diana Manalang

    What if food is one of the oldest ways we say, “I love you”? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Diana Manalang, chef and owner behind Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe in Long Island City, for a beautiful conversation about food, family, culture, relationships, community, hospitality and the quiet labour of care. This episode is about food, but really, it is about nourishment. The meal someone makes when they do not know how to say sorry. The coffee handed over without being asked. The lunch packed. The family recipe. The favourite dinner made after a hard day. The comfort food that tells someone they are home. Gabriella and Diana explore how food becomes memory, identity, apology, culture and connection, especially in families where care is not always spoken directly, but shown through what is made, offered and placed on the table. Diana shares the story of building Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe, how her Filipino-American background shaped the way she thinks about feeding people, why food has always been central to her understanding of family, intimacy and community. They also discuss what families lose when they stop gathering, why everyday meals matter more than perfect holiday celebrations, and how the small rituals around food can hold relationships together long before anyone realises how important they were. In this episode, Gabriella and Diana discuss: food as a love language; Filipino family culture and the question “Have you eaten?”; comfort food, memory and childhood; why gathering around food creates intimacy and connection; the story behind Little Chef Little Kitchen and Little Chef Little Cafe; building a hospitality business through uncertainty; how food can create community and care; why small gestures matter in relationships; cooking as apology, repair and reconnection; the difference between feeding someone and nourishing someone; everyday rituals couples and families should protect; why care is not always grand or dramatic; what separated and blended families can learn from shared food rituals; how food can create a sense of home across two households; and what we need to notice before people stop caring for each other in the small ways. This episode is for anyone who has ever understood that food is never just food. It is for the person who remembers love through a meal. For the parent trying to create rituals in a busy home. For the partner who wants to care, but does not always have the words. For the person who feels like they are feeding everyone but not being nourished themselves. For anyone thinking about family, culture, food, relationships, repair, community and what it means to keep making space at the table. Because sometimes relationships do not only break through conflict. Sometimes they break through neglect. Through exhaustion. Through everyone being fed except the person doing the feeding. Through losing the rituals that once brought people back to each other. And before it breaks, there is often still time to gather. Still time to notice. Still time to care. Still time to make something that says, “You are loved.” Listen to S2 E9: Before the Table Empties: Food, Family and the Quiet Labour of Care with Diana Manalang on Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.

    • Transcript
  • S2 · E8
    August 25 · 33 min

    S2 E8: Before Silence Becomes the Relationship: Sabrina Romanoff on Conflict, Guilt & Trust

    What happens when a relationship does not break from one dramatic moment, but from all the conversations that never happen? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Dr Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in New York City, about emotional affairs, silence, guilt, avoidance, resentment, attachment, rebuilding trust and the psychology of what couples do not say. This is a conversation about the quiet places relationships begin to fracture. The truth that gets swallowed to keep the peace. The need that is minimised for too long. The guilt that turns into distance. The emotional energy that starts going somewhere else. The resentment that hardens into contempt. Gabriella and Dr Romanoff explore why couples often wait until they are at the end of the rope before they finally tell the truth, and why withdrawal can be more dangerous than conflict. They discuss the difference between a peaceful relationship and one that has simply gone quiet, why avoidance can feel like a protective strategy, and how silence can become a band-aid holding the relationship together. This episode also looks closely at emotional affairs and modern betrayal. Dr Romanoff explains that emotional affairs are not always about one dramatic decision, but often a slow redirection of emotional energy away from the primary relationship. In a world of social media, DMs, micro-cheating and constant access, the line between connection and betrayal can become harder to define — but secrecy is often the clearest warning sign. Together, Gabriella and Dr Romanoff discuss what couples can notice earlier, including emotional distance, unmet needs, guilt, shame, withdrawal, defensive conflict patterns, contempt, attachment dynamics and the moment one person starts feeling more emotionally alive outside the relationship than inside it. They also explore whether trust can be rebuilt after betrayal, why real repair requires honesty and transparency, and why some relationships can become stronger when couples are willing to face what they usually hide. In this episode, Gabriella and Dr Sabrina Romanoff discuss: the psychology of what couples do not say; the difference between peace and silence in a relationship; why avoidance can feel like protection; how guilt can turn into shame, withdrawal and distance; why people often hide the truth from partners they are afraid of losing; emotional affairs and where the line is crossed; secrecy, micro-cheating, DMs and modern relationship betrayal; why emotional affairs often grow from unmet needs; the signs resentment is hardening into contempt; pursuer-withdrawer dynamics in relationships; attachment patterns, anxiety, avoidance and emotional shutdown; what real repair requires after trust has been broken; why the old relationship may not come back after betrayal; how couples can build something more honest. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered whether their relationship is peaceful — or simply quiet. For anyone who has felt their partner pulling away. For anyone who has started seeking emotional connection somewhere else. For anyone trying to understand emotional affairs, guilt, secrecy, resentment, avoidance, attachment, trust and repair. Because before a relationship breaks, there is often a long period where people are not necessarily fighting. Sometimes they are simply not saying the truth. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.

    • Transcript
  • S2 · E7
    August 17 · 50 min

    S2 E7: Before You Call It Failure: Lola Berry on Reinvention, Self-Trust and Starting Again

    What if the thing you have been calling failure is actually the first honest moment? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Lola Berry — Australian author, podcaster, actor, nutritionist and host of Fearlessly Failing — for a warm, honest and deeply human conversation about failure, reinvention, relationships, self-trust, ambition, wellness, therapy, creativity and the courage to start again. This episode is about the moments when the old story stops working. The relationship that no longer fits. The career that once made sense. The timeline you thought you had to follow. The identity you outgrew. The dream that changed shape. The version of yourself you kept performing because leaving it behind felt too much like failure. Gabriella and Lola explore why so many people stay too long in relationships, careers, friendships, cities and life chapters because they are afraid of being judged, misunderstood or seen as inconsistent. They talk about adult friendship breakups, value alignment, long-distance love, moving to LA, starting over, creative rejection, therapy, comparison, self-care, emotional honesty and why the body often knows the truth before the mind is ready to admit it. Lola shares what failure has taught her, why she now sees it as a gift, and how letting go can sometimes create the space for something more aligned to arrive. From selling a business with her name on it, to pursuing acting in Los Angeles, to learning how to stop living up to other people’s expectations, this conversation is a reminder that changing direction is not the same as giving up. It may be the moment you finally stop abandoning yourself to keep the old story alive. In this episode, Gabriella and Lola discuss: why failure can be information, not identity; how to know when something no longer feels aligned; why we stay too long in relationships, careers and friendships; adult friendship breakups and one-way relationships; the importance of value alignment in love, work and friendship; long-distance relationships, therapy and honest communication; moving countries and starting again in a new city; creative rejection, self-worth and resilience; comparison, social media and the myth that everyone else is ahead; the difference between real self-care and constant self-optimisation; why your body may know the truth before your mind is ready; releasing timelines, expectations and old versions of success; and what it means to follow what makes you feel alive. This episode is for anyone who feels behind, stuck, uncertain or afraid to change direction. For anyone who has outgrown a version of themselves. For anyone who is scared that starting again means they have failed. For anyone watching other people’s lives unfold online and wondering why theirs looks different. For anyone trying to decide whether to keep forcing the plan — or finally listen to the part of themselves that knows something has shifted. Because sometimes the break is not the end. Sometimes it is the beginning of a more honest life. Listen to Before You Call It Failure: Lola Berry on Reinvention, Self-Trust and Starting Again on Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare. This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only and is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy.

    • Transcript
  • S2 · E6
    August 11 · 51 min

    S2 E6: Before the Children Feel It: Marriage & the Emotional Weather of the Home with Erica Komisar

    In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare speaks with Erica Komisar about children, parenting, marriage, emotional safety and the invisible ways children absorb the relationship between their parents. This conversation explores a powerful idea: children do not live outside the relationship between their parents. They live inside it. They feel the tone. They feel the distance. They feel the silence. They feel the resentment, even when no one says the words out loud. So often, parents tell themselves that children are fine as long as there is no open arguing, or as long as everything is functioning on the surface. But children are deeply sensitive to the emotional weather of the home. They know when warmth has disappeared. They know when one parent is carrying too much. They know when repair is not happening. They know when the home has stopped feeling safe, even if no one has explained why. This episode is not about blaming parents. Parenting, marriage, work, stress, resentment and modern family life are hard. Most parents are doing the best they can with the tools, histories and pressures they have. But it is a reminder that protecting children is not only about what we say to them. It is also about what we model around them. How we repair. How we speak. How we handle conflict. How we apologise. How we make room for their feelings. How we show them what love, safety and emotional responsibility look like. Because children learn relationships long before they have one of their own. They learn what closeness feels like. They learn what silence means. They learn whether conflict can be repaired. They learn whether love is steady, conditional, frightening, distant or safe. In this episode, Gabriella and Erica explore why the emotional life of the home becomes part of the emotional life of the child, and why one of the most important things parents can do is notice the shift earlier, repair sooner and soften where they have become defended. Because before a family breaks, children often feel the shift. And sometimes the greatest gift we can give them is to notice it before it breaks. In this episode Gabriella and Erica discuss: why children are affected by the relationship between their parents; how children absorb tension, silence, distance and resentment; why “not fighting in front of the children” is not always enough; the emotional weather of the home; how parents can model repair, apology and emotional responsibility; why children need emotional safety, not perfection; how modern family life, work, stress and resentment impact children; why the adult relationship cannot be separated from the wellbeing of the child; what children learn about love, closeness, conflict and repair; and what parents can notice earlier before it breaks. Key themes Children and relationships Marriage and parenting Emotional safety in the home Children and parental conflict Silent resentment in marriage Repair after conflict Parenting and emotional responsibility Modern family life How children experience tension at home Disclaimer This podcast is for general information, education and discussion only. It is not legal advice, psychological advice, counselling or therapy. If you need support with your relationship, parenting, family conflict, separation or your child’s wellbeing, please seek advice from an appropriate qualified professional.

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  • S2 · E5
    August 4 · 36 min

    S2 E5: Before Stories Disappear: Food, Family and Rituals That Hold Us Together with Rossella Rago

    S2 E5: Before the Stories Disappear: Food, Family, Memory and the Rituals That Hold Us Together with Rossella Rago What do families lose when they stop gathering? In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Rossella Rago, the creator and host of Cooking with Nonna, author, entrepreneur and culinary storyteller, for a beautiful conversation about food, family, memory, culture, divorce, grief, grandmothers and the rituals that hold generations together. Rossella shares how Cooking with Nonna began in 2008 after her father bought the website and built her first set, and how what started as filming Italian grandmothers sharing recipes grew into cookbooks, products and a platform dedicated to preserving culture, memory and the wisdom of older generations. She speaks movingly about her grandmother, Nonna Romana, who passed away at 92, and the way she became a symbol of love, strength, family and belonging. This conversation is about food — but really, it is about so much more than food. It is about Sunday dinners. The smell of sauce. The recipe you never wrote down. The grandmother who showed love by feeding you. The stories we assume we will always have time to ask. The family rituals that quietly disappear when people become busy, distant or estranged. Gabriella and Rossella explore how families begin to drift before anyone realises what is being lost, and why sitting around a table can be one of the most powerful ways to preserve connection, identity and belonging. They also talk honestly about divorce, cultural expectations, Italian family traditions, bella figura, grief, resilience, and why love is often found in the smallest daily gestures — the coffee made, the favourite cereal bought, the meal prepared, the effort made. As Rossella says in the episode, falling in love can happen quickly, but falling out of love often happens through “a hundred thousand micro disconnections.” In this episode: how Cooking with Nonna began; what grandmothers teach us about love, family and resilience; why food carries memory, identity and grief; the importance of Sunday dinners and family rituals; how families become disconnected through busyness, distance and silence; why recipes are never just recipes; what older generations wish younger people understood earlier; food as repair, comfort and connection; divorce, cultural expectations and bella figura; preserving children’s culture after separation; why “readiness is bullshit” and you should start before you feel ready; and what we need to notice before family stories, rituals and traditions disappear. This episode is for anyone who grew up around a family table, anyone who misses a grandparent, anyone who has watched family rituals fade, anyone navigating divorce or changing family traditions, and anyone who knows that food is sometimes how love says: you belong here. Because before families break, they often stop gathering. And before the stories disappear, there is often still time to ask. Listen to this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare for an honest, emotional and deeply relatable conversation about food, family, culture, memory, relationships, divorce, grief and the rituals that hold us together before it breaks.

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  • S2 · E4
    July 28 · 41 min

    S2 E4: Before You Shrink to Be Chosen: Validation, Confidence and Connection with Valerie Greenberg

    In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with lifestyle expert, television host, media personality and author Valerie Greenberg for an honest conversation about validation, confidence, self-worth and meaningful connection. We all want to feel seen, loved, desired and understood. But when the need for external validation becomes stronger than our trust in ourselves, relationships can quickly become places where we perform, over-explain, settle, shrink or wait for someone else to confirm that we are enough. Gabriella and Valerie explore how low confidence can influence the people we date, the relationships we stay in and the behaviours we accept. They discuss the difference between attention and intimacy, why some people move quickly from one relationship to another, and how social media has made it harder to separate genuine connection from performance and comparison. Valerie introduces the idea of creating a “confidence community”: a group of friends, mentors and trusted people who remind you of your strengths, support you during difficult seasons and encourage you to keep moving when rejection, disappointment or self-doubt begin to take over. The conversation also moves beyond romantic relationships and into ambition, career rejection and the pressure to constantly achieve. Valerie shares how it took years of persistence to build her media career, why she refuses to allow rejection to define her and how she learned to turn “a no into a nod.” This episode is a reminder that confidence does not mean feeling fearless every day. It means continuing to trust yourself even when someone else does not recognise your value. It means knowing when to listen, when to speak up, when to ask for support and when to walk away from a relationship that requires you to become smaller. Because healthy love does not ask you to disappear in order to be chosen. It allows you to become more fully yourself. In this episode, Gabriella and Valerie discuss: Why people seek external validation in romantic relationships How confidence affects dating, attraction and connection The difference between attention, approval and genuine intimacy Why some people settle for unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships Recognising when a partner or friend is dimming your light How gaslighting and criticism can slowly erode confidence How to communicate emotional needs and expectations Why one person cannot meet every need in a relationship The importance of maintaining friendships and individuality How couples can create regular emotional check-ins Why conflict is often about more than the immediate argument The power of listening rather than preparing your next response Building your own “confidence community” Developing self-respect through boundaries, rest and self-care How to rebuild confidence after rejection, failure or a breakup Valerie’s advice for turning a “no” into a “nod” What we should notice before we begin shrinking ourselves for love About Valerie Greenberg Valerie Greenberg is a lifestyle expert, entertainment host, television personality and the author of You’ve Been Validated: A Playbook for Confidence and Connection. Connect with Valerie Greenberg Instagram: @valgreenberg TikTok: @therealvalgreenberg Website: youvebeenvalidated.com You’ve Been Validated is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other major book retailers.

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  • S2 · E3
    July 21 · 45 min

    S2 E3: Before The Group Chat Says Leave Him: Dating, Friendship & Situationships with Emma Klipstein

    Are you really “too much”—or have you simply been asking the wrong people to meet you where you are? In Season 2, Episode 3 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with Emma Klipstein, creator and host of the Too Much podcast, for an honest, funny and unfiltered conversation about modern dating, situationships, relationship red flags, breakups, self-trust and why so many women are exhausted from pretending to be “chill.” Emma opens up about rebuilding her career and identity, launching her own podcast, dating in her thirties and learning to trust herself when something in a relationship does not feel right. Together, Gabriella and Emma explore: • Why situationships can become so addictive • The dating red flags women commonly explain away • Love bombing, inconsistency and hot-and-cold behaviour • Why confusion can be an answer in itself • Chemistry versus genuine compatibility • The difference between choosing someone and needing them • Why women take dating problems to the group chat • How to stop abandoning yourself inside a relationship • Emma’s Five Box Theory for building a life that can survive a breakup • Why the best post-breakup “glow-up” begins before the relationship ends • Creating relationship non-negotiables • Rebuilding confidence after heartbreak • Balancing love, independence, ambition and career growth • Choosing yourself without closing yourself off to love Emma also explains why consistency is one of the greatest green flags in a relationship, why dating can act as a mirror and why the qualities somebody once called “too much” may be the very qualities you need to stop apologising for. This episode is for anyone who has ever stared at a message wondering what it meant, made excuses for someone’s inconsistency, stayed in a situationship that was affecting their confidence or asked the group chat to confirm something they already knew. Because before it breaks, your intuition is often already whispering. The work is learning to listen. FOLLOW EMMA PAIGE KLIPSTEIN Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifeofemmapaige/ Too Much Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmastoomuch/ Listen to Too Much with Emma Paige Klipstein on your preferred podcast platform and follow @emmastoomuch on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube for more conversations about dating, breakups, self-trust, reinvention and becoming unapologetically yourself. FOLLOW GABRIELLA POMARE Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegabriellapomare/ Learn more about Gabriella, her work, books, podcast and speaking: https://gabriellapomare.com.au/ Subscribe to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare for conversations about modern relationships, dating, marriage, divorce, friendship, parenting, identity and the quiet moments that happen before everything changes. Available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts and Spotify. ABOUT BEFORE IT BREAKS Before It Breaks is hosted by family lawyer, author, relationship commentator and co-parenting expert Gabriella Pomare. Each episode explores what happens before relationships, friendships, careers and identities begin to fracture—and what we can learn before reaching breaking point.

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  • S2 · E2
    July 14 · 39 min

    S2 E2: Teresa Giudice on Divorce, Motherhood, Forgiveness and Finding Love Again Before It Breaks

    What happens when the life you thought you were living suddenly breaks open? In this deeply personal episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with The Real Housewives of New Jersey star, New York Times bestselling author and mother of four, Teresa Giudice, for an honest conversation about the woman behind the headlines. Teresa opens up about divorce, motherhood, grief, public judgment, rebuilding her life and learning to trust and love again. She shares how she protected her daughters through enormous change, why providing for her family kept her moving forward, what her parents taught her about loyalty and strength, and how her relationship with Luis Ruelas showed her a different kind of love. They also explore forgiveness, blended families, friendship breakdowns, communication in marriage, protecting your peace and why the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become your whole story. Teresa also shares what is ahead, including the new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, her upcoming memoir, her skincare line, Sampere, and her daughter’s new family restaurant. This is not a conversation about the headline. It is a conversation about everything that came before it, and the strength it takes to rebuild afterward. In this episode: • Teresa’s life away from reality television • Divorce, deportation and rebuilding as a single mother • Protecting children during separation and public scrutiny • Motherhood, independence and raising four daughters • Finding love again after divorce • Becoming a stepmother and creating a blended family • Forgiveness, loyalty and protecting your peace • Communication as the foundation of lasting relationships • What Teresa wishes people understood about her • Her next memoir, businesses and RHONJ Season 15 Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Gabriella Pomare: Instagram: @thegabriellapomare Website: gabriellapomare.com Follow Teresa Giudice and listen to Turning the Tables for more.

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  • S2 · E1
    July 7 · 41 min

    S2 E1: Stress, Self-Doubt and the Moment You Realise You’ve Lost Yourself with Dr Rachel Goldman

    What if your relationship does not actually have a communication problem? What if the real problem is that both of you are exhausted, overloaded, defensive, disconnected and living in survival mode? In the first episode of Season 2 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with New York City clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens, Dr Rachel Goldman, for a powerful conversation about what happens when stress becomes the third person in the relationship. This episode explores the quiet space before a relationship breaks. The space where people are still functioning, still parenting, still working, still organising, still showing up on the outside, but inside they are depleted. Their nervous system is overloaded. Their patience is gone. Their confidence is low. Their body is tense. Their thoughts are harsh. Their self-trust is shaky. And eventually, the relationship starts absorbing all of it. Gabriella and Dr Rachel talk about why many couples say they “cannot communicate” when the deeper issue may be that they are too emotionally charged, too stressed or too burnt out to access the communication skills they actually have. They discuss why timing matters when it comes to difficult conversations, and why the best time to talk is rarely when one or both people are already angry, flooded or overwhelmed. Dr Rachel shares practical communication tools, including the importance of pausing, listening, reflecting and responding rather than reacting. They also explore the role of the nervous system in relationships, and why people in fight-or-flight mode are often not able to have calm, constructive or compassionate conversations. When the brain is wired for survival, it can jump to worst-case scenarios, misread a partner’s intentions and turn ordinary moments into emotional threats. This conversation looks at the question so many couples miss: Would we be communicating this way if we were not so stressed? Would this feel like such a big problem if we were not exhausted? Would I be interpreting my partner this way if I felt calmer, safer or more supported? Gabriella and Dr Rachel also talk about burnout inside long-term relationships and marriages. Not just individual burnout, but couple burnout. The kind of emotional depletion where one or both people begin to feel like there is nothing left in the tank. The kind of burnout that can sound like “I’m done,” when what someone may really mean is “I am overwhelmed, unsupported and I do not know how to keep going like this.” They explore the signs of emotional disconnection, silent divorce and quiet quitting inside a relationship, including withdrawal, silence, lack of communication, emotional distance, reduced affection, changes in behaviour and the feeling that someone is physically present but no longer truly connected. This episode also looks at self-doubt and how it shows up in relationships. Dr Rachel explains how low confidence and self-doubt can change the lens through which someone sees themselves, their partner and the relationship. When a person is already questioning themselves, they may be more likely to stay silent, avoid hard conversations, assume they are the problem or wait until the issue finally explodes. Guest: Dr Rachel Goldman Dr Rachel Goldman is a New York City-based clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens. Her work focuses on psychology, health, behaviour change, mindset, stress, confidence and the mind-body connection. Find Dr Rachel Goldman: @drrachelnyc Book: When Life Happens Listen now and subscribe for more conversations about relationships, marriage, communication, family, co-parenting, emotional disconnection, repair and what happens before it breaks.

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  • S1 · E10
    June 30 · 22 min

    S1 E10: The Green Flags We Miss Before It Breaks

    In Episode 10 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella shifts the conversation away from the red flags we are constantly told to look for, and asks a different question: what about the green flags we miss before a relationship breaks? In a culture obsessed with relationship red flags, warning signs, toxic patterns and reasons to leave, it can become easy to focus only on what is wrong. We become relationship detectives, scanning for evidence, replaying arguments, analysing messages, comparing our partner to online advice, and wondering whether every difficult moment is a sign the relationship is already over. But sometimes, before a relationship breaks, there are also signs that something is still alive. Not the dramatic signs. Not the grand gestures. Not the perfect Instagram relationship, the public anniversary caption, the flowers, the holiday reel or the curated couple content that makes love look effortless. The real green flags are often much quieter. They look like someone trying again after getting it wrong. They look like a partner who can apologise without turning the whole conversation around. They look like emotional safety after conflict, a willingness to listen, small acts of care, effort that is consistent rather than performative, and the ability to repair instead of simply moving on. They look like a relationship where both people may be tired, imperfect, overwhelmed or disconnected, but there is still enough respect, accountability, honesty and willingness to make repair possible. In this episode, Gabriella explores the relationship green flags that are often overlooked in modern relationships, marriage, family life, parenting, separation and co-parenting dynamics. She unpacks why healthy relationships are not about perfection, why emotional safety matters more than appearances, and why the absence of constant conflict is not the same as connection. This episode asks what it means to notice the quiet signs of repair, respect, effort and emotional maturity before resentment becomes the whole relationship. It is for anyone who has been so focused on the red flags that they may have forgotten to ask whether there are still signs of care, willingness, accountability and love. Gabriella also explores the difference between genuine green flags and bare minimum behaviour. A green flag is not simply someone doing one nice thing after weeks of disconnection. It is not a grand gesture that avoids accountability. It is not flowers after harm without change. It is not public affection while private emotional neglect continues. Real green flags are found in patterns, not performances. They are found in how someone responds when you are hurt. How they behave when they are defensive. Whether they can hear you without punishing you for having needs. Whether they take responsibility without needing to be chased. Whether repair actually follows the apology. Whether they are willing to grow, not just promise that things will be different. This episode is not about telling people to stay in relationships that are unsafe, harmful or emotionally damaging. It is not about ignoring red flags or romanticising effort that never turns into change. It is about creating a more balanced conversation about modern relationships, one that recognises that healthy love is not always loud, obvious or cinematic.

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  • S1 · E9
    June 23 · 27 min

    S1 E9: TikTok, Facebook Groups, AI and the Modern Relationship Crisis

    The advice, comparison and commentary we are letting into our private lives. In this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores how social media, TikTok relationship advice, Facebook groups, the group chat, AI-generated messages and curated online lives are quietly changing the way we see our relationships. We live in a time where our most private relationships are constantly being compared, interpreted, diagnosed and judged through online spaces. We scroll through relationship reels, watch TikTok clips about red flags and emotional neglect, post anonymously in Facebook groups, send screenshots to the group chat, and sometimes even ask AI to help us write the message we are too overwhelmed to say ourselves. Some of this can be helpful. Online content can give people language for emotional neglect, coercive control, mental load, gaslighting, weaponised incompetence and unhealthy relationship patterns. It can help people feel less alone and recognise when something is not okay. But online advice can also flatten complex relationships into quick labels and simple answers. A thirty-second clip cannot understand the full context of a marriage, long-term partnership, family system, separation, co-parenting dynamic or private emotional history. A comment section does not have to live with the consequences of telling someone to leave. The group chat may love you deeply, but it often only sees the relationship through the moments when you are hurt. In this honest and nuanced episode, Gabriella asks whether the internet is helping us see more clearly, or whether it is making ordinary relationships feel inadequate, feeding resentment, encouraging comparison, and replacing real support with quick validation. This episode explores curated relationship content, TikTok therapy language, Facebook group advice, AI in relationships, online comparison, boundaries, red flags, relationship tests, emotional safety, repair, separation, co-parenting and the difference between validation and guidance. At the heart of the episode is a simple but powerful question: Are we using online content to understand our relationships, or are we letting the algorithm become the authority on our most intimate lives? This episode asks: Is online relationship advice helping or hurting us? What happens when we compare real relationships to curated lives? Can TikTok therapy language become too blunt? What is the difference between validation and guidance? Are Facebook groups and group chats giving support, or only one-sided certainty? How is AI changing the way we communicate in relationships? What do children learn when adults outsource conflict to screens? T his episode is for anyone navigating modern love, marriage, separation, co-parenting, conflict, repair, online comparison, relationship advice, or the quiet question of whether the relationship they are living inside still feels honest, safe and alive. Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

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  • S1 · E8
    June 16 · 31 min

    S1 E8: Are We Staying for the Kids, or Hiding Behind Them?

    Staying for the Kids: Is It Really Best for Children? In this raw and honest episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores one of the most difficult and controversial questions in family life: should parents stay together for the kids? Many parents tell themselves they are protecting their children by staying in an unhappy relationship. But what if the children are already living inside the tension, silence, resentment or emotional distance? What if the family looks intact from the outside, but does not feel emotionally safe on the inside? Gabriella unpacks the difference between staying and repairing, versus staying and avoiding. She explores why children do not need perfect parents, but they do need emotional safety, repair, honesty and adults who are willing to take responsibility for the atmosphere of the home. This episode is not about telling people to stay or leave. It is about asking a better question: what are the children actually living inside? For parents navigating relationship breakdown, separation, co-parenting, family conflict, guilt, fear, or uncertainty, this conversation offers compassion, clarity and a deeply human look at what it really means to centre children. Key Themes Staying for the kids Relationship breakdown Unhappy marriage with children Emotional safety in families Children and separation Co-parenting after separation Family conflict Repair after conflict Parent guilt Healthy family dynamics Conscious parenting Marriage, separation and children High-conflict homes Quiet unhappy marriages Emotional inheritance Child-centred decision-making Should you stay together for the kids? It is one of the hardest questions in family life — and one many parents carry silently for years. In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores the reality behind “staying for the kids”: when it can be loving and reparative, and when it becomes fear, guilt or avoidance dressed up as sacrifice. This is not an episode telling people to leave. It is not an episode telling people to stay. It is a conversation about emotional safety, repair, family conflict, separation, co-parenting and what children are actually absorbing inside the home. Because children do not need perfect parents. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a relationship, separation and co-parenting podcast hosted by Gabriella Pomare — Sydney family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, media commentator and founder of The Collaborative Co-Parent platform. Through honest, emotionally intelligent conversations, Gabriella explores what happens before relationships, communication, families and identities break down, covering modern marriage, parenting after separation, co-parenting, conflict, family law, emotional safety, repair and rebuilding. Follow Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare, learn more about The Collaborative Co-Parent, and listen to Before It Breaks on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

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  • S1 · E7
    June 9 · 29 min

    S1 E7: The Ex Who Never Really Left - Relationship Boundaries, Old Flames & Emotional Attachment

    What happens when the third person in your relationship is not an affair partner, but an ex who never really left? In Episode 7 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the complicated emotional space between past relationships and present love. This episode is not just about co-parenting. It is about old flames, exes, former partners, workplace relationships, family friends, friendship circles, divorced partners without children, and the people from our past who sometimes continue to take up space in our current relationships. Sometimes the issue is not contact. It is access. A partner may still speak to an ex because they share children, work together, move in the same friendship group, or have long family history. But when ordinary contact turns into emotional dependence, guilt, secrecy, late-night messages, private support, or a sense that the past has more power than the present, the current relationship can start to feel crowded. Gabriella unpacks the difference between being mature and becoming invisible, between healthy friendship and unfinished business, and between jealousy as control and jealousy as information. She also explores why some people stay emotionally available to an ex out of guilt, habit, conflict avoidance or the need to feel needed — and how that can quietly undermine a new relationship. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: Am I being insecure, or is something actually off? Can you really be friends with an ex? Why does this person from my partner’s past still feel so present? What is the difference between contact and emotional access? How do you set boundaries without being controlling? What happens when your partner keeps dismissing your discomfort as jealousy? With warmth, honesty and Gabriella’s signature conversational style, this episode looks at the old attachments, emotional third parties and blurred boundaries that can quietly build resentment before a relationship breaks. Because sometimes the question is not whether someone from your past is still in your life. The question is whether they are still in your relationship. Show Notes In this episode, Gabriella talks about: The ex who never really left emotionally Why this episode is not only about co-parenting Old flames, workplace exes, family friends and friendship circle dynamics Why contact is not the same as emotional access How past relationships can quietly affect current relationships The difference between healthy friendship and unfinished business Why “we’re just friends” is sometimes more complicated than it sounds When jealousy is not immaturity, but information How emotional dependence can threaten a relationship even when nobody is cheating Why guilt keeps people emotionally attached to former partners How partners can feel displaced by someone from the past Why dismissing someone as “insecure” can create resentment The emotional impact of being repeatedly made to feel secondary What healthy boundaries with an ex or old flame can sound like Why kindness after a relationship ends sometimes means clarity The question every person with a complicated past should ask themselves How to name the issue without rage, control or accusation Why the goal is not always to make the person disappear, but to make the boundaries clear

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