Avoiding My Anxiously Attached Boyfriend

Mixed-Race Identity, Colourism & Racial Fetishisation: Dr Chantelle Jessica Lewis

In this episode, we’re joined by sociologist, writer and researcher Dr Chantelle Lewis for a wide-ranging conversation about mixed-race identity, Blackness, whiteness, family, colourism and the complicated realities of growing up between different racial worlds. Chantelle takes us into her PhD research on Black mixed-race families who moved from multicultural cities into predominantly white suburban areas. She reflects on speaking to different generations within the same families and hearing children describe racism, bullying and isolation that their parents often didn’t realise they were experiencing. We unpack the idea of being “torn between two identities” and why Chantelle believes the conversation around mixed-race identity needs to move beyond simply feeling rejected by both sides. We also get into the relationship between mixedness, desirability and privilege. Chantelle discusses the fetishisation of mixed-race people, why mixed-race men in particular can be hypersexualised, the desire some people have to “have mixed babies” and how proximity to whiteness can shape the way mixed-race people understand themselves. We also explore why saying “I don’t see race” can be damaging within interracial families and what happens when children feel unable to talk to their parents about racism. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Gay Hierarchies, Racial Fetishisation & Black Masculinity: Topher Campbell

In this episode, we’re joined by artist, filmmaker and activist Topher Campbell for a wide-ranging conversation about Black queer history, race, sexuality, masculinity, fetishisation and the experiences that shaped his understanding of identity. Topher takes us back to growing up in care before moving in with his Jamaican mother as a teenager, navigating religion, sexuality and eventually finding his way into London’s Black queer scene. He reflects on coming of age in the 80s and 90s, a time when Black queer people were rarely visible in mainstream culture and how those experiences later influenced his work documenting and preserving Black LGBTQ+ history through the Rukus! archive. We also get into the complicated relationship between race, masculinity and desire. Topher opens up about being fetishised by white gay men from a young age, the expectations placed on Black men and how his appearance and the way he spoke could simultaneously give him access to certain spaces while still leaving him boxed in by racial stereotypes. He also reflects on racism within theatre and the arts and the feeling of being wanted sexually while still being denied professional opportunities. Later, we unpack Topher’s complicated relationship with the word “gay”, why he believes mainstream gay culture can centre a white male experience and why he prefers the openness of “queer”. We also get into the history behind top and bottom labels, their links to BDSM culture and how the internet helped turn sexual preferences into identities and categories. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Code-Switching, Internalised Homophobia & Black Queer Identity: Laquarn Lewis

In this episode, we’re joined by actor Laquarn Lewis, known for *What It Feels Like for a Girl* and *Jamie Johnson*, for an honest conversation about growing up Black and gay, code-switching, masculinity and finding your place in a queer community that doesn’t always reflect your own experiences. Laquarn opens up about the reality of being a Black queer actor and why opportunities can still feel limited for people who don’t fit what the industry is looking for. We get into playing Lady Die in *What It Feels Like for a Girl*, how stepping into the role introduced him to a side of queer culture he’d never experienced before and why he was warned that taking the part could lead to him being typecast. We also explore Laquarn’s relationship with masculinity and femininity, growing up pretending to be straight and becoming so good at code-switching that he felt like he had “100 personalities”. He reflects on entering queer spaces for the first time, feeling disconnected from parts of gay culture and learning that being queer doesn’t mean having to fit into one particular version of what a gay man should be. From his parents’ reactions to his sexuality to learning to stop editing himself depending on who was around him, Laquarn reflects on what it took to finally become comfortable with every side of himself and the advice he would give to the younger version of himself who was terrified of being found out. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Sexual Shame, Queer Therapy & The Gay Loneliness Epidemic: Dhiren Doshi-Smith

In this episode, we’re joined by therapist Dhiren Doshi-Smith for an honest conversation about therapy, queer identity, race, culture, sex and the shame so many gay men carry without even realising it. Dhiren specialises in working with queer, neurodiverse people of colour and explains why traditional approaches to therapy don’t always account for people whose identities are shaped by family, religion, culture and community. We get into the idea of decolonising therapy, why setting boundaries can look completely different when you come from a collectivist culture and the loneliness that can come from feeling othered by your family, wider society and even within queer spaces. We also have a frank conversation about gay sex and why Dhiren believes it needs to have a place in the therapy room. From the shame around bottoming and the idea that being a bottom makes someone less masculine, to racial stereotypes around who is expected to top or bottom, we explore how misogyny, internalised homophobia and cultural expectations can shape the way gay men understand their own sexuality. Dhiren opens up about his own journey as a queer Indian man, balancing a culture he deeply loves with a sexuality that hasn’t always felt accepted within it. From once carrying shame around being brown, queer and neurodiverse to appearing in a Pride in London campaign and becoming visibly, publicly gay, Dhiren shares how he reached a place where he can say he genuinely loves his queerness and why helping other queer people get there has become such an important part of his work. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Closeted Men, Bacha Bazi & Queer South Asians: Saad Zain

In this episode, we’re joined by Saad Zain for an honest and at times provocative conversation about growing up gay across Pakistan, Kazakhstan, Dubai and London and what queer life can really look like in cultures where sexuality is rarely spoken about openly. Saad opens up about knowing he was gay from an early age, growing up surrounded by shame around his sexuality and why he believes there’s a huge difference between what happens behind closed doors and what people are willing to accept publicly. We get into his now infamous claim that “everyone in Pakistan is gay”, the contradictions around gay sex and masculinity across Pakistan and the Middle East and the darker reality behind practices like Bacha Bazi and dancing boys. We also explore Pakistan’s complicated relationship with gender and sexuality, including the history and visibility of the Khwaja Sara community and the impact British colonial rule had on attitudes towards gender diversity. Saad reflects on growing up gay in Kazakhstan, sneaking into gay clubs at just 13 and later navigating a London gay scene where he says being openly gay once felt like a “white privilege”. From racism and fetishisation in gay spaces to feeling pressure to assimilate, reconnecting with his Pakistani identity and questioning how inclusive queer spaces really are, Saad shares how his relationship with both his culture and sexuality has changed as he’s got older. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Pretty Boys, Modelling & Coming out: Tyrell Trey

In this episode, we’re joined by Tyrell Trey for an honest conversation about modelling, sexuality, mixed-race identity, music, dating and the long process of figuring out who you actually are when you’ve spent years becoming what other people expect from you. Tyrell opens up about entering the modelling industry at just 16, going from feeling like the “ugly” kid growing up in a predominantly white area to being signed, modelling in Milan and suddenly having his appearance become his career. We then get into sexuality and identity. Tyrell talks about growing up mixed-race and gay, learning to become a “chameleon” depending on the space he was in and why being perceived as masculine or “straight passing” comes with its own expectations. Music has become a way for Tyrell to move away from those expectations and back towards himself. He takes us inside his writing process, explains how he uses phonetic singing to find melodies before lyrics and talks about finally releasing music that’s been sitting unheard for years, alongside what’s coming next. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Black Masculinity, Hookup Culture & The Gay Blueprint: Andrew Akuruka

In this episode, we're joined by Andrew Akuruka, author of The Gay Blueprint, for an honest and at times challenging conversation about gay identity, masculinity, race, sex and the expectations we place on ourselves and each other. Andrew opens up about knowing he was gay from a young age, but only coming out to his Nigerian mum decades later. He reflects on growing up around religion, fearing that his mum’s love might be conditional and the unexpectedly emotional moment that followed when he finally told her he was gay. We also unpack Andrew’s complicated relationship with masculinity and what it means to be both Black and gay. From feeling like he didn't fit traditional stereotypes of gay men, to questioning whether he was performing masculinity to protect himself, Andrew explains how becoming a father and confronting his own ideas around gender helped him start unlearning some of those expectations. The conversation then turns to dating and fetishisation within the gay community. Andrew talks about being desired as a masculine Black man, the stereotypes attached to Black men sexually and the moment he realised there was a difference between being wanted and actually being known. Finally, things get a little more heated as we debate hookup culture, sex positivity, self-love, accountability and whether the gay community needs to rethink some of the behaviours we've normalised. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF OR @farisandjosh

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A*POP, Top Shortage & Heartstopper

After months of back-to-back guests, we're finally back with a solo episode... and there's a lot to catch up on. From sneaking into Tyla's exclusive A*POP listening party in London and sharing our first impressions of her new album, to debating Beyoncé, Jay-Z and celebrity culture. We also dive into one of the biggest debates in the LGBTQ+ community: is there really a "top shortage", or are gay men simply conditioned to associate masculinity with attraction? We unpack why DL men are so desired, the stereotypes surrounding tops and bottoms, masculinity, femininity, Heartstopper, queer identity and the expectations placed on gay men. Whether you're here for Tyla, LGBTQ+ culture, queer dating, pop culture, masculinity, Heartstopper or simply a chaotic catch-up with us, we hope you enjoy this episode. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

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Queer Africans, Masculinity & IKAG: Blessing Kingsley

In this exclusive episode, we're joined by I Kissed A Girl season two's Blessing, one of the breakout personalities from the series. Known for her confidence, warmth and unapologetic masculinity, Blessing opens up about her journey on the show, finding community with other masc lesbians and why I Kissed A Girl became far more than just a dating experience. From navigating life inside the Masseria and challenging stereotypes around masculine-presenting lesbians, to reflecting on the support she found from the other contestants, Blessing shares what it was really like representing a side of the LGBTQ+ community that is still rarely seen on mainstream television. She also reveals the emotional impact of seeing her Nigerian mum join her on the show and why that moment became one of the most healing experiences of her life. The conversation then becomes deeply personal as Blessing opens up about growing up Black, queer and masculine, learning to embrace every part of her identity and rejecting the idea that masculinity belongs to men. We discuss race, representation, Black masculinity, African families, queer visibility, vulnerability, healing your inner child and why seeing yourself reflected on screen can change everything. If you enjoyed I Kissed A Girl, are interested in LGBTQ+ stories, identity, representation and honest conversations about race, masculinity and family, make sure you subscribe and check out the rest of our I Kissed A Girl special this week. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Secret Relationships, Indian Identity & The Messy Masseria: Nikita Bharath

In this exclusive episode, we're joined by I Kissed A Girl season two's Nikita Bharath for her first ever podcast appearance. As the only contestant from the series still in a relationship, Nikita finally opens up about finding love with Pippa, keeping their relationship secret for almost a year and what really happened after the cameras stopped rolling. From navigating multiple connections, love triangles and the final kiss-off, to building a relationship away from the cameras, Nikita reflects on her experience inside the Masseria and why taking things slowly became the foundation of her relationship with Pippa. The conversation then becomes deeply personal as Nikita opens up about growing up queer, reconnecting with her Indian heritage and learning to embrace every part of her identity. We discuss race, representation, spirituality, Hindu traditions, colonialism, growing up in a predominantly white environment and the impact of being labelled "the acceptable Indian" as a child. If you enjoyed I Kissed A Girl, are interested in LGBTQ+ stories, then make sure you subscribe and check out the rest of our I Kissed A Girl special this week. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Heartbreak, OCD & Kissing Girls: Faye Mcgrath

Faye McGrath first captured the nation's hearts on BBC's I Kissed A Girl, where her warmth, humour and vulnerability made her one of the standout personalities of the series. In this episode, Faye joins us to reflect on her experience on the show, navigating rejection in front of the nation and the deeper emotional journey that shaped her long before reality TV. From falling for Elise, feeling like she was "too nice" for reality TV and unpacking the lessons she took from I Kissed A Girl, Faye opens up about how the experience forced her to confront unresolved childhood wounds, anxious attachment and a lifelong fear of rejection. The conversation then becomes deeply personal as Faye shares her powerful coming out story, growing up knowing she was gay, hiding her identity through school, losing her best friend after coming out and why she genuinely believed saying the words "I'm gay" would change her life forever. We also discuss OCD, ADHD, intrusive thoughts, Pure O, mental health, diabetes, vitiligo and why learning to accept love has been one of the biggest challenges of her life. If you enjoyed I Kissed A Girl, are interested in LGBTQ+ stories, mental health, coming out, relationships, attachment styles, or healing from childhood trauma then make sure you describe to watch the other episode we have coming out this week! Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Cults, Santería & Reclaiming KFC: Cain Culto

Cain Culto is a queer artist, musician and creative whose work explores religion, spirituality, masculinity and identity. In this episode, we sit down with Cain to discuss growing up gay in the evangelical church, religious trauma, coming out, deconstructing Christianity and how he transformed years of shame into powerful music and art. From leading worship as a young church leader and preaching against homosexuality, to experiencing psychosis, being hospitalised and undergoing an attempted exorcism, Cain opens up about one of the most difficult periods of his life. The conversation also explores masculinity, femininity, queer identity, Santería, indigenous spirituality, colonisation, Latino identity, ancestral healing and why so many LGBTQ+ people are reconnecting with their culture after religious trauma. Whether you're interested in LGBTQ+ stories, deconstructing faith, queer culture, religion, spirituality or masculinity his conversation offers a thoughtful and honest perspective on identity, healing and self-acceptance. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Femphobia, Topping & Gay Pop Idols: JORDY

JORDY first caught the internet's attention with viral pop hits like Nice Things and Story of a Boy, but behind the infectious hooks is an artist navigating identity, masculinity and what it really means to be seen. In this episode, we're joined by singer-songwriter JORDY to talk about life as an openly gay artist, making music without compromise, and the journey behind his new album. From writing songs inspired by dating disasters and toxic relationships, to going viral on TikTok, signing record deals and eventually going independent, JORDY reflects on the highs and lows of building a music career in an industry that still struggles to embrace openly queer male artists. The conversation also gets deeply personal as JORDY opens up about childhood bullying, sexual assault, anxious attachment, healing from toxic relationships and learning to stop blaming himself for his past. Along the way, we explore femininity, masculinity, topping and bottoming stereotypes, internalised homophobia and why embracing every version of yourself is the most powerful thing you can do. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Turning Green, Mixed Race Identity & Kissing Boys: Ruben Bø Dower

Ruben Bø Dower first caught the attention of audiences on I Kissed A Boy, but behind the iconic green looks and unforgettable fashion is a thoughtful conversation about identity, creativity and belonging. In this episode, we're joined by artist, designer and creator Ruben Bø Dower to talk about life after reality TV, finding confidence in who you are, and the journey towards self-acceptance. From his experience on I Kissed A Boy and the show's impact on queer representation, to navigating public attention, dating apps and online criticism, Ruben reflects on how appearing on television changed his life. We discuss the importance of queer community, dating a trans man on national TV, and why representation still matters when there are so few LGBTQ+ shows being made. The conversation also gets deeply personal as Ruben opens up about growing up between Norway and South London, coming out at 14, dealing with internalised homophobia, and struggling to fit in as both a queer and mixed-race person. Along the way, we discuss race, masculinity, self-expression, fashion, creativity, family dynamics, attachment styles, and how painting himself green became a symbol of embracing every part of who he is. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Party Culture, Skins & The Sober Gay: Siôn Meirion

The Sober Gay has built a thriving online and real-life community for LGBTQ+ people exploring sobriety, and in this episode, we're joined by Welsh creator and community organiser Sion Meirion to talk about his journey away from alcohol and drugs, the realities of queer social culture, and why he created a space where sober and sober-curious people can connect. From documenting his first 100 days sober on TikTok to launching The Sober Gay Socials, Sion shares how a personal challenge unexpectedly grew into a supportive community. We discuss navigating weddings, holidays, Pride events and nights out without alcohol, and why sobriety doesn't have to mean giving up fun, friendship or queer spaces. The conversation also gets personal as Sion opens up about growing up in Wales, coming out to his family, having a younger brother who is also gay, and finding lasting love after meeting his partner in a Leeds nightclub. Along the way, we discuss drug culture, peer pressure, attachment styles, long-term relationships, and how our connections with others change when we're fully ourselves. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

The Buzz, Ireland & The Kinkiest Boots: Liam McEvoy

Fresh from the West End production of Kinky Boots, we’re joined by performer, dancer and content creator Liam McEvoy for a conversation about queer joy, chosen family, musical theatre and finding “the buzz” in life. From landing his dream role in Kinky Boots and performing across the UK, Europe and the West End, to becoming Bruiser the dog in Legally Blonde, Liam shares the journey from growing up in Ireland to building a career on stage. Along the way, he reflects on the realities of touring, life as a dance captain, audition stories, and why queer representation in theatre continues to matter. The conversation also gets personal as Liam opens up about growing up in a loud, loving Irish family, coming out at 15 and the incredible support he received from his parents and grandparents. We discuss Ireland’s marriage equality referendum, queer visibility, finding confidence through dance, and the impact of discovering queer spaces where you can truly be yourself. We also get into chosen family, the legendary Pussy Palace friendship group, HOMOPARODY, dating while living a theatre schedule, Berlin nightlife, queer community, and why the most important thing in life is having “the buzz”. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Sinners, Orisha’s & The Demonisation of Africa: Adwoa & Solomon

We’re joined by artists, storytellers and creators Adwoa and Solomon for a fascinating conversation exploring African mythology, folklore, spirituality and the stories that colonialism tried to erase. From how they met at university and built a creative partnership together, to using art as a way to reconnect with their Ghanaian and Nigerian heritage, Adwoa and Solomon share how a passion project grew into a platform educating thousands about African history, culture and traditional beliefs. We dive into the Orishas, the Ifá tradition, why African spirituality has been heavily demonised, and how colonial narratives continue to shape perceptions of African cultures today. Along the way, we discuss identity, religion, queerness in pre-colonial Africa, gender fluidity within traditional belief systems, and the importance of questioning the stories we've inherited. The conversation also explores African masks and masquerade traditions, Sierra Leonean culture, the symbolism hidden throughout Sinners, Beyoncé's cultural references, the connection between music and spirituality, and how culture can evolve without losing its roots. A thoughtful, eye-opening and deeply engaging episode about history, storytelling and reclaiming cultural narratives. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Mighty Hoopla, Chosen Family & The Gay Poodle Algorithm: Glyn Fussell

We’re joined by Glyn Fussell, creator of Mighty Hoopla and co-founder of Sink The Pink, for a hilarious, emotional and deeply honest conversation about queer culture, identity and building spaces where people truly feel like they belong. From creating one of the UK’s biggest and most loved queer festivals to taking Mighty Hoopla around the world, Glyn shares the journey behind building something that became much bigger than just a festival. He opens up about why representation and community matter, and how creating spaces where people feel safe became central to everything he does. Alongside the festival stories and chaos, the conversation gets personal as Glyn reflects on growing up in a huge working-class family, desperately trying to fit in, moving to Australia and the life-changing moment he said “I’m gay” out loud for the first time. He shares how discovering queer community transformed his life and how chosen family became just as important as the one he was born into. We also get into terrible go-go dancing careers, Sporty Spice becoming an actual friend, toy poodle algorithms, dating, relationships, family dynamics and the experiences that shaped both Glyn and the world of Mighty Hoopla. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Smoggie Queens, Gay Brothers & The Stolen Parcel: Phil Dunning & Elijah Young

Smoggie Queens is the chaotic, camp and heartfelt BBC comedy following a group of queer friends navigating life, love and absolute mayhem in Middlesbrough and in this episode, we’re joined by creator and star Phil Dunning alongside actor Elijah Young to talk all about it. From the inspiration behind the show and how the characters came to life, to filming inside real queer spaces in the North East, the pair share the journey of turning a lockdown script into one of the BBC’s funniest new sitcoms. They also tease what’s to come in season two, including weddings, football episodes, disastrous dates and even more chaos at the local gay bar. Alongside the comedy, the conversation gets deeply personal as Phil and Elijah open up about growing up queer in Middlesbrough, coming out, family expectations and the emotional realities that shaped both their lives and the stories within the show. From sneaking through basement windows to hide relationships at university, to finding chosen family and learning to finally feel comfortable in themselves, this episode is equal parts hilarious and heartfelt. We also get into dating horror stories, attachment styles, queer nightlife, masculinity, friendship dynamics and the pressure of navigating identity within both small-town life and the queer community. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

Breaking Patterns, Masculinity & Little Mix: Claudimar Neto

We’re joined by choreographer and creative director Claud for a deeply honest conversation about identity, healing, relationships and what it means to truly come home to yourself. From growing up in Angola and moving to the UK at a young age, to navigating queerness, family expectations and life in the spotlight, Claud reflects on the experiences that shaped him into the person he is today. In this episode, he opens up about the emotional impact of therapy, the patterns he uncovered within himself and the heartbreak that forced him to finally slow down and look inward. He shares how journaling, meditation and self-reflection helped him reconnect with his identity, while also unpacking masculinity, people pleasing and the pressure to perform within both the queer community and the entertainment industry. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF