1453: When Self-Improvement Turns Into Self-Rejection (Part 1)

Declutter your home. Cook from scratch. Strength train, try fasting, invest for retirement. Every one of those is good advice, and the pile of it together is crushing so many of the women working hardest on themselves. This is part one of a series on what happens when self-improvement turns into self-rejection: why so many of us feel worse about ourselves the more we work on ourselves, and what we can do about it without giving up on our goals. In this episode: Why women in their 40s and 50s are the first generation to live with this much constant exposure to who we should be Why reaching the goal doesn’t fix the not-enough feeling, and what I learned when that feeling came back for me How self-improvement can be a tool or a weapon, depending on how you carry it What I told a girlfriend about my to-do list, and what I measure my day by now A simple exercise for the next 24 hours: count your thoughts Where this series goes next Something exciting is coming. To be the first to find out, click here. Read the written version and get the next parts in your inbox: elizabethbentonthompson.substack.com Build My Coach: three personal coaches in your pocket, built by me and personalized to you. elizabethbenton.com/buildmycoach Work with me one-on-one: elizabethbenton.com/work-with-me Insights to Save I collect insights like these in my Insight Library. If you’re collecting them too, here are a few from this episode worth saving: Manageable isn’t the same as optimal. You can be the woman who somehow gets it all done for the rest of your life. That doesn’t mean it’s the best way to live, and it doesn’t mean you’ll ever feel at peace doing it. Self-improvement can be a tool or a weapon, depending on how you carry it. Carried as a weapon, your goals and to-dos come with shame, shoulds, rules and pressure, and an unfinished list means you failed the day. Carried as a tool, the same goals feel like an opportunity instead of a burden, and the day gets measured by what matters more: your faith, the people you love, moments of joy, and the difference you made for someone. When a goal is built on “the way I am right now isn’t good enough,” reaching it can’t fix that feeling, because the goal was never where the feeling came from. You can lose the weight or get out of debt and still feel exactly the way you did before you started. When the message all day long is that everything about you needs work, your attention lands on yourself, and most of it lands on what’s wrong. A mind full of me and what I lack leaves almost no room for what’s good, or for the people who matter more than me.